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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

3 Year Old going downstairs alone.

281 replies

blaisealex · 24/06/2021 10:00

DS 3, for the past two mornings, has ventured downstairs alone when he wakes up.

I'm just wondering how old your DC were when they started going downstairs alone?

I'm not happy about it. We don't allow DS to use the stairs unsupervised nor be downstairs or upstairs by himself. But he's creeping downstairs first thing when he wakes up and we don't hear him. Prior to this he would come to our room and wake us up. He is no longer doing this.

I'm not sure what I can do to stop him? Of course, I can tell him not to but whether he listens or not is another matter. I can't set an alarm to wake before him because he doesn't wake at a set time. He could wake at any time. He can now open all the stair gates so those don't work anymore.

I should add, he is only just turned three. By a few weeks.

Am I being too protective or am I right that this is a definite no no?

OP posts:
Looubylou · 25/06/2021 20:15

Personally, I wouldn't present a sneaky, problem solving, 3 year old with a challenge like a higher gate. All sorts of scenes are running through my head! Having the house alarm set worked for us. Now that DC is old enough and trusted, he goes down and switches it off. If he'd tried that before it makes such a racket being switched off it would have woke us up anyway.

Aria999 · 25/06/2021 20:23

Lol lots of pp horrified at letting 3yo use stairs unsupervised.

I let my 17 month old use the stairs unsupervised!

Occasionally she tumbles but they're not too steep, and carpeted, and she's ok.

As for getting him to stay in his room till it's time to get up, a couple of pp suggested gro clocks. We have the hatch rest night light for DS (you can set it to change a variety or colors and or make a noise when it's morning) and it was a game changer for getting him to stay in his room.

mummy203 · 25/06/2021 20:31

Get a grow clock. Set it to a time he can get up and play in his room until you come get him. Be firm it dangerous for him be alone down stairs.

Put a magnetic door alarm on his door so you hear when he opens it. They are under £10 or put a wind charm positioned on door frame or door so it makes a noise and wakes you up.

Schooldilemma2345 · 25/06/2021 20:43

Really? I always supervised my 3 kids up and down until I was confident they were able to navigate them safely. They had lots of exposure to stairs from crawling onwards and naturally came down on their bottoms. If you have a gate then you tend to carry your kids or limit their going up or down as they can’t practice much. Then if someone leaves them open or they climb/learn to open themselves invariably the child isn’t that confident on the stairs. I think having a stair gate often installs a false sense of security or makes the child feel that the stairs are a huge hazard to feel uncertain about which can backfire. I’d much rather reach cautious confidence rather than demonise hazards but each to their own.

Schooldilemma2345 · 25/06/2021 20:47

Sorry, that was In response to Rochlobe saying my comment was bollocks!

RocheLobe · 25/06/2021 20:50

What you’re saying doesn’t reflect my experience of having a stair gate, but you seem quite convinced, so there you go

CMSdividend · 25/06/2021 20:51

Get one of those devices that alarms when the door opens.

hopsalong · 25/06/2021 21:10

Is he generally sensible? If so, I think I would probably let him, unless he's waking up ridiculously early. He's probably just started doing it because he just has the confidence to. Can he turn the TV on or watch something on an iPad? My just four year old goes downstairs and watches cartoons for about half an hour before we (including his older brother) get up. He's totally static while he does that, so I don't worry. I would be pretty worried if he was just wandering round, rooting around in the kitchen etc. But then I think you just have to get up earlier. Once they can open stair gates and want to leave their rooms it seems mean to me to insist on them being locked in, especially when there is usually very little for them to do.

If you wanted to solve this in a low-fuss way, I would put an iPad within easy reach upstairs! My older son used to watch Numberblocks and learned loads in the early mornings.

Sweettea1 · 25/06/2021 21:18

Tie the gate closed of a night with a lace or cable tie so he can no longer open it.

sue69m · 25/06/2021 21:34

Contact alarm on the stair gate, like you can get for windows? It will startle him and hopefully wake you..

PaleGreenAndBrightOrange · 25/06/2021 21:37

My son has just turned 3 and goes up and downstairs whenever he wants. I don’t worry about it. Having said that, he comes straight into us in the morning and I wouldn’t like coming down in the morning to find him there without knowing how long it’d been.

LemonRoses · 25/06/2021 21:38

Tell him he’s not allowed downstairs and mean it. A three year old is perfectly capable of doing as they are told.

Blondeshavemorefun · 25/06/2021 21:39

Gro cock. Set it for a time , ours is 730. If she wakes before she stays in bed or can look at books quietly

Tho I hear her read to her cuddlies ❤️ As still have screen monitor as like to see her when we are downstairs in eve

What time is he waking

If like 6am he stays in his room till gro clock goes yellow

Be firm with gro clock. It works

mrsmoppp · 25/06/2021 21:46

Do you close his bedroom door at night? Could you turn the handle the wrong way round then he couldn't get out? Or like others have said, attach a bell to his door then you can hear him and leave your bedroom door open too

Gettingbiggerandbigger · 25/06/2021 21:58

@Maggiesfarm

Mine always went up and down stairs at three years of age. I probably did too though don't remember. What's the problem, as long as you keep an eye on them?
I’m with you, my 3yo goes up and down on her own, we havnt had a stair gate in about a year, maybe more. As long as the house is safe, medications, bleaches, knives and other hazards are out of reach I don’t see any problems.

Personally I’d set something up for him. I usually put a banana, apple, packet of breadsticks in her spot at the table with a bottle of water so she can help herself. I put toys out for her too, this morning she went downstairs to a bunch of barbie dolls on her seat, other days I will set up her peppa toys. She’s quiet happy playing and when she’s had enough she comes and bashes one of us on the head to wake up.

Sk8ermum3000 · 25/06/2021 22:11

Umm…not sure why the lengthy responses.
Simple.
GET UP!!

namechange30455 · 25/06/2021 22:32

@Sk8ermum3000

Umm…not sure why the lengthy responses. Simple. GET UP!!
What, in her sleep?

Or have you missed the part where DS going downstairs doesn't wake OP up? Hmm

justasking111 · 25/06/2021 22:33

We had an alarm system for downstairs at night which went off if you didn't disable it

Sk8ermum3000 · 25/06/2021 22:42

No I missed nothing. She needs to put an alarm on early and get up.

kathmacc · 25/06/2021 22:44

I had same with my kids - I just put a chain - like would have on front door high up on top bit of door to dining kitchen - no safety issues and watched tv in lounge safely x

namechange30455 · 25/06/2021 22:46

@Sk8ermum3000

No I missed nothing. She needs to put an alarm on early and get up.
So she's supposed to get up at what... 5am? every day so she's up before her DS? Well that sounds reasonable Hmm
GucciM · 25/06/2021 23:12

I had the same issue- my solution: I plugged a monitor in his room, made sure I had the other half on my bedside table and volume to the max so the noise of him getting out of bed would usually wake me up. Also if you can close his door the night before, the noise of him opening the door would come though the monitor very loud and this always wakes me up.
Hope this helps.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 25/06/2021 23:12

Weirdly I’m up at 5 just about every day. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out you pick an early time, wander down to the lounge and snooze until you hear your kid pottering about.

Sure it doesn’t fix the alleged death trap stairs, but at what age is the OP going to let him be unsupervised… it’s clear he’s ready now since he’s managed it a few mornings on his own now.

Sk8ermum3000 · 25/06/2021 23:14

Is 5am early?? Best part of the day. You should try it 😉

HiHoSylvie · 25/06/2021 23:29

@Sk8ermum3000

Is 5am early?? Best part of the day. You should try it 😉
Jeez, if you're still on Mumsnet at 11.30 and up again at 5, you're a stronger woman than I am! Sounds horrific, but fair play.