3 Year Old going downstairs alone.

[blaisealex]

DS 3, for the past two mornings, has ventured downstairs alone when he wakes up.

I'm just wondering how old your DC were when they started going downstairs alone?

I'm not happy about it. We don't allow DS to use the stairs unsupervised nor be downstairs or upstairs by himself. But he's creeping downstairs first thing when he wakes up and we don't hear him. Prior to this he would come to our room and wake us up. He is no longer doing this.

I'm not sure what I can do to stop him? Of course, I can tell him not to but whether he listens or not is another matter. I can't set an alarm to wake before him because he doesn't wake at a set time. He could wake at any time. He can now open all the stair gates so those don't work anymore.

I should add, he is only just turned three. By a few weeks.

Am I being too protective or am I right that this is a definite no no?

I wouldn’t try and secure or lock the stair gate what if he tried to climb over instead.

Could you set an alarm one morning, take him up to bed with you, do the bing thing and throw in a favourite biscuit from your bedside table that he gets to munch. Doing it once or twice might solidify it as a habit, you could wean off the biscuit later - if mine knew there was biscuits upstairs that would be more fun than anything down stairs ;)

Supervising a three year old On stairs is bonkers. And your rewards of stamps are rubbish. What good is that? Try a toy or chocolate buttons and you might have more success

When I was 3, my parents would take it in turns to bring my twin and I downstairs, stick on our Postman Pat video in the living room before heading back to bed.

DH’s went a step further and let him as a 3 year old operate the VHS himself.

I don’t know what they were thinking- I know it was the 80s but still! DD is 3.5, pretty sensible most of the time but likely ASD- there’s a 99% she’d be happy watching a movie on Disney plus and playing with her dolls, but there’s that 1% chance that she try to climb up the fridge shelves or boil the kettle or something.

This is my dream! Child wakes, takes self off downstairs, without disturbing anyone?
I agree it must be stressful but he sounds like he actually manages stairs ok..how about putting a load of toys at the bottom of the stairs and shutting/child-locking doors to other rooms? Then he’ll play for a bit and come back up and get you when he’s bored...

I wouldn’t get a higher or harder to open stair gate, I’m sure they are only recommended till age of two or till a child can get safely up and downstairs. If he tries to climb over it then it would be far worse. You can get a little buzzer for the door and when he opens it it will wake you, I looked at these cause my little boy was getting up in middle of night and going downstairs. He only did it a few times though so wasn’t needed. Failing they the angel care sensor mat will alert when your child gets out of bed.

@Soubriquet

Is he still in nappies?

If so, what about a dog stair gate (which are a lot taller) across the stairs?

He won’t be able to reach the opening mechanism or be tall enough to climb over the gate

The dog stair gate might not work with a climber - we have one and DD who’s three climbs up and over with ease. She started by creating a platform to stand on to climb over, after we’d removed everything she could possibly stand on (except her pillows which she tried to use) she figured out that she didn’t actually need to stand on anything at all, she just grips the bars with her feet and moves like a caterpillar to the top then over.

OP, I’d suggest anything your DS loves (for my DD it’s make up!) that he’s not normally allowed to play with but let him find it in your room. Nothing is safe with my DD and she can quite merrily take herself anywhere in the house despite more baby proofing than I ever imagined but she doesn’t in the morning as she comes in to my room in the hope of finding the make up so she can get her glitter on.

She will never find it - I binned it after a particularly creative episode before we realised she could climb all the stair gates with ease.

I think you need a smart doorbell that captures motion viewing the top of your stairs, then either your phone or some kind of linked Alexa-type device in your bedroom that will tell you loudly when it gets set off (at night only),

Mines was 3.5 years old and that's only if she heard me downstairs. Otherwise she'd stay in bed with me. I wouldn't be comfortable either for safety. Have you spoken to him?

@Forstarters
No stairs, it’s a flat!! bonkers is putting it mildly 👀👀

@NigellaSeed

Lol! Stair gate? Just keep an eye on him?

While she is asleep?

Am I the only one thinking the OP just needs to get up earlier? Seems a rather simple low-tech solution. I mean FFs, get up get him sorted with a snack and tv then snooze while he’s somewhat supervised in the same room with him.

I mean it worked with my puppy, surely it would work with a small child.

Can’t you just hang some bells on his door handle which rattle and wake you up if he opens his door or something noisy he’d have to move out of the way if he wanted to leave his room? A big baby gate sounds like a fire escape hazard to me.

@saltinesandcoffeecups

Am I the only one thinking the OP just needs to get up earlier? Seems a rather simple low-tech solution. I mean FFs, get up get him sorted with a snack and tv then snooze while he’s somewhat supervised in the same room with him.

I mean it worked with my puppy, surely it would work with a small child.

Do you mean set an alarm for an unspecified time to try and be awake before he is? The OP seems to be trying to do what you suggest, the issue is making sure she wakes up when he is up and about, because he isn’t waking her.

I hung bells on their door and the stair gate so I would be alerted that they were awake.

Try bells on the gate.

DC1 was a climber and could climb out of her cot at 13 months (took the side off) and over the gate at her door at 15 months (left it open). The top of the stairs gate was a bit taller thankfully, and I slept very lightly!

She was a monkey from the moment she could walk (9 months), and into everything. She would attempt to scale bookcases, use toys as steps to reach things she shouldn't have and was generally exhausting to keep an eye on. My granny had one similar and kept a lid on my aunt's cot! After toddler aunt was found on an upstairs window ledge.

It will pass, but bells or an alarm will hopefully wake you and put your mind at ease for now.

Anyway, thanks for all the suggestions. For the time being DH has placed one stair gate on top of another to make it extra tall just as a temporary measure to keep him safe!

Won't he open the bottom one and duck through? Or climb the them both.

I was like your DS, at 6 months I was apparently escaping my cot, then I saw Olga Korbut at the Olympics and that gave me ideas.

I also once lived next door to a toddler who found a screw driver and unscrewed the plug socket.

I think the alarm idea is a good one. Actually several alarms.

Is there any toy he is particularly keen to have? Could it be a toy that only lives upstairs and if it goes down stairs it has to go in a cupboard and not be played with?

Ideally a toy that lives in your room.

Stair gate with extra lock.....mini padlock or tied somehow ???

Close his bedroom door ?

Dd was downstairs at 3. By 4 she could, like a previous poster, get her own breakfast and let the dogs out.
The only issue we had was it never crossed our minds to put parental controls on the TV until the morning I found her watching Babestation wondering if the lady was cold without her pyjamas on!

My DC 6&3 go down and get their iPads then come back upstairs. But that's probably a mumsnet sin 🤷🏽‍♀️

@goldie27

My DC 6&3 go down and get their iPads then come back upstairs. But that's probably a mumsnet sin 🤷🏽‍♀️

Same here! 5 and nearly 7. They have done so for a long time too. I've accepted my sinner status in this regard

@Rowgtfc72

Dd was downstairs at 3. By 4 she could, like a previous poster, get her own breakfast and let the dogs out. The only issue we had was it never crossed our minds to put parental controls on the TV until the morning I found her watching Babestation wondering if the lady was cold without her pyjamas on!

Hilarious! I'm not too sure what Babestation is (and prob won't google it!) but can imagine

At three he can understand consequences. You need to make it clear that he isn't allowed down stairs in the morning without you and that if he does X will happen. Then if he does it you follow through with the consequence.

At that age I wouldn't want him down stairs when I wasn't awake just because I'd be worried about him getting into something he shouldn't/ chocking etc.

9 year old only just allowed to watch TV.... my 8 year old sometimes gets up before us. He will go downstairs make cereal or toast and watch TV or get the tablet or read. If my 6 year old gets up, the 8 year old will make him some breakfast too and for the 4 year old. I'm normally up, getting ready upstairs. But he k own what he can and can't so because we communicate. 2 year old doesn't go anywhere without me but if I need 10 minutes to shower the other 3 will play with her. Mine all went downstairs alone from about 4. But they have all been sensible, know what they are and aren't allowed to do. Have you just tried talking to him OP? You will be surprised at how much they do understand. Reward charts etc never worked for mine. It's all communication in our house. And no stair gates upstairs! He will climb over them and fall. Don't lock them!

Wake yourself first! You say time changes, so just make sure you are up at the earliest time and then there won't be an issue

I am completely intrigued by the fact you won't let a 3yo use the stairs unsupervised
Why not? I have a 3yo and probably stopped supervising her on the stairs about 2 years ago! She had a little tumble once but she was ok.