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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Aibu to think this is too full on?

469 replies

Luckystars1 · 24/06/2021 04:12

Hi,

I met this guy about 6 years ago through a friend, who met as a group of us a few times and texted a bit but nothing happened between us, I never met him alone but it was clear he liked me, it was very brief and short lived though. we lost contact anyway and in that time he met somebody else and got engaged.

Fast forward to now he sent me a friend request on Facebook and sent me a message saying long time no speak. He explained that he’s no longer with his partner, went into detail about their nasty breakup etc and started being rude about her which I thought was inappropriate as I’d not seen him in years and I didn’t know her.

Then out of no where he put to me ‘you’re the one that got away’ ‘I always wanted you, you know I did’. We texted back and forth a bit and this is where it went from 0 to 100.

I told him I now have a 2 year old DD. He near enough straight away said ‘I’ll come up this week and meet her’ and he keeps asking about seeing me everyday. He says ‘come and see your man’

He told me he’s got cats and I said I’d love a cat if my Landlord would allow one he said ‘I’ll buy you a kitten if you’re allowed a pet’
He’s then gone on to say he’s got a caravan holiday booked at the seaside that he had booked in with his ex but he’s said me and DD can come with him ‘if we are lucky’. I didn’t say anything back to this and the next day he brought it up when I never agreed. ‘don’t forget you’re both coming away with me in October’

He also says things like ‘tell you’re landlord I’m moving in, I’ll get my bags packed’ I’d love to wake up to you every morning’ ‘you’d be lucky to have me, I’d always go out my way to put a smile on your face’ ‘I know how to spoil a woman’

Also I mentioned about a fishing lake near mine as he said he likes fishing and he put ‘you’re really making me want to marry you’

He said last night ‘he’s not stopped smiling since he messaged me and that he can’t stop thinking about me and it’s the happiest he’s felt in a long time. He put last night ‘I hope you’re thinking about me before you go to bed’

Aibu to think this is too full on? I’ve not seen him in 6 years and even then he barely knew me as we only spoke briefly and we’ve texted for only 2 days and he is saying all this among other things.

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 24/06/2021 10:14

You haven't even met up with him since he got in contact and now he wants to move in, hope you can see how dangerous that is.

youllregretit · 24/06/2021 10:17

He couldn't be clearer that he does not see as a person in your own right with your own thoughts and dreams and needs. He just sees you as fulfilling his fantasy of a woman/ relationship. The actual real you is immaterial to that.

Don't go near him.

AtrociousCircumstance · 24/06/2021 10:18

You wouldn’t involve your child (or yourself) with someone so dangerously erratic and toxic - surely?

It should be glaringly obvious this man is a car crash waiting to happen.

REP22 · 24/06/2021 10:22

Run. Run very fast away from this guy. Block him and ensure that he doesn't get to meet your child.

No good will come of this. He sounds both deeply troubling and troubled.

youllregretit · 24/06/2021 10:23

God, and he's also one of those dicks who think women like being told what to do ' tell you landlord I am moving in'! ' 'don't forget you are coming away with me.'

He has absolutely no respect for women or you, and he is telling you that quite clearly.

Womendohavevaginasnick · 24/06/2021 10:25

They're not just red flags, they're massive, traffic light red super king size sheets blowing in the breeze.
Block block blockity block.
Say fuck off first though.

shrodingersbiscuit · 24/06/2021 10:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ.

Tal45 · 24/06/2021 10:26

Don't let this go any further, hopefully he doesn't know your address but if he does please get out of this carefully as he seems to think you already belong to him. You don't want this turning up on your door in the middle of the night.

lborgia · 24/06/2021 10:28

@postitgirl - yes, I came on to say, you know love bombing? This is love napalm. Block, do not reply, and let the friend you have in common in on the weirdness, just in case he uses them to find another way in.

Also, he’s bored, feeling bereft, it’s all about him, so if someone nearer to hand turns up, you’ll be dumped faster than you in can say “nightmare”.

BurningBright · 24/06/2021 10:31

I sincerely hope this person doesn't have your address or any means of finding it out.

You are absolutely correct that is too full on. It's beyond full on.

HeartvsBrain · 24/06/2021 10:38

If he doesn't know your address, and can't eadily find it, just be blunt and say "sorry you are not my type" (or even "I just don't fancy you"). Anything else will give him hope that if he stops being full on, or if he slows it all down, you will still go out with him in the end. He is delusional, and he needs to know, in no uncertain terms, that you two will never be together!

Even if you do secretly think he is an adonis, and that you are really attracted to him, his behaviour is equal to that of someone who has serious mental health issues (for which I really do sympathise with him, and hope that he can get help with his issues), but you, particularly as you have a very young child, are not the one to try to help him. He needs professional help.

If he does know your address, you will need to tread carefully, and as well as letting him know that you are not attracted to him, tell him that he is not to visit you. If he argues that point, or turns up anyway, don't answer the door to him, but do ring the police on their 999 number. I do have experience of this type of behaviour.

Heifer · 24/06/2021 10:46

Just in case you haven't got the hint from all those posters before me: put your trainers, joggers and sports bra on and RUN for the hills.

knittingaddict · 24/06/2021 10:51

OP not been back then?

wildeverose · 24/06/2021 10:51

Why are you entertaining it by texting back?? Just stop messaging him Confused
I honestly don't understand why you're replying

twilightermummy · 24/06/2021 10:55

Like others have said, he’s love bombing you. It’s one of the first red flags in abusive relationships. Along with that, he will be trying to hurt his ex by using you.
Just avoid like the plague and block him. Do not even be tempted!!

DrManhattan · 24/06/2021 11:01

@knittingaddict
I'm calling this BS now

skodadoda · 24/06/2021 11:02

@Ladylokidoki

That's seriously, not ok.

I am guessing, he has split with girlfriend and is a poor housing situation and needs a new home.

This sounds suspiciously like the type of man, that moves in from one woman to the next. Promising them the world, love bombing them to only turn out to be an abusive arsehole and only leaves when forced or he finds the next person who will put up with him. And of course the ex is always a bitch or crazy or variations on that.

Personally I would send a message saying, I am finding this all too full on, please leave me alone and then block him. On everything you can find him on.

This. Stop responding, he’ll soon start on the next ‘friend’ to provide him with home comforts.
MadamBatty · 24/06/2021 11:02

I’d also suggest that he may be texting more than 1 woman to see who will bite first.

SafferUpNorth · 24/06/2021 11:03

He sounds like a basket case, I wouldn't touch him with a barge pole if I was you! Cut all contact NOW!!!

NeedNewKnees · 24/06/2021 11:04

TWO DAYS?? I thought you were going to say two months, and that's still way too intense.

Luckystars1 · 24/06/2021 11:05

Hi everyone,

Just read through the replies.

Just posting an update I woke up to a message earlier saying ‘morning beautiful, I hope you slept well or was you all up night thinking about me?’ then went on to say how he hates waking up alone and misses having someone to hold.

He doesn’t know where exactly where I live but he knows which area.

OP posts:
RainbowMumzy · 24/06/2021 11:06

Red flag! Red flag! Run away screaming OP!

Thelnebriati · 24/06/2021 11:09

Reply ''You seem to have decided we are in a relationship; but we are not. I'm not comfortable with any of this and I'm calling it a day.''

ChargingBuck · 24/06/2021 11:09

There’s no need to write him off as a bunny boiler just yet

@Dita73 I'm almost as worried about your total obliviousness to the assumptive, obsessive & menacing nature of this man as I am about the OP.

Have a read about The Shark Cage, & for crying out loud wake up.

This man has already devalued his last victim, & is actively hunting his next -
www.oomm.live/the-shark-cage-metaphor-spotting-potential-abusers/

Henio · 24/06/2021 11:09

Fucking hell 😳