Aibu to think this is too full on?

[Luckystars1]

Hi,

I met this guy about 6 years ago through a friend, who met as a group of us a few times and texted a bit but nothing happened between us, I never met him alone but it was clear he liked me, it was very brief and short lived though. we lost contact anyway and in that time he met somebody else and got engaged.

Fast forward to now he sent me a friend request on Facebook and sent me a message saying long time no speak. He explained that he’s no longer with his partner, went into detail about their nasty breakup etc and started being rude about her which I thought was inappropriate as I’d not seen him in years and I didn’t know her.

Then out of no where he put to me ‘you’re the one that got away’ ‘I always wanted you, you know I did’. We texted back and forth a bit and this is where it went from 0 to 100.

I told him I now have a 2 year old DD. He near enough straight away said ‘I’ll come up this week and meet her’ and he keeps asking about seeing me everyday. He says ‘come and see your man’

He told me he’s got cats and I said I’d love a cat if my Landlord would allow one he said ‘I’ll buy you a kitten if you’re allowed a pet’
He’s then gone on to say he’s got a caravan holiday booked at the seaside that he had booked in with his ex but he’s said me and DD can come with him ‘if we are lucky’. I didn’t say anything back to this and the next day he brought it up when I never agreed. ‘don’t forget you’re both coming away with me in October’

He also says things like ‘tell you’re landlord I’m moving in, I’ll get my bags packed’ I’d love to wake up to you every morning’ ‘you’d be lucky to have me, I’d always go out my way to put a smile on your face’ ‘I know how to spoil a woman’

Also I mentioned about a fishing lake near mine as he said he likes fishing and he put ‘you’re really making me want to marry you’

He said last night ‘he’s not stopped smiling since he messaged me and that he can’t stop thinking about me and it’s the happiest he’s felt in a long time. He put last night ‘I hope you’re thinking about me before you go to bed’

Aibu to think this is too full on? I’ve not seen him in 6 years and even then he barely knew me as we only spoke briefly and we’ve texted for only 2 days and he is saying all this among other things.

It's super creepy but I dont know why you didnt cut all contact sooner.

Be careful, this ones got stalker written all over him. Id be lying through my teeth at this stage, oh me and DDs dad are giving it another go, he's moving back in, blah blah blah, I'm not on my own basically.

"I am guessing, he has split with girlfriend and is a poor housing situation and needs a new home"

This. He sounds like the type who thinks women are needy and that he can con them with a load of cliched "whirlwind romance" stuff. You need to show him you're nobody's fool.

I think I would invent a boyfriend if you are nervous about blocking him, One of those builders?

Block him , start running, and don't ever let him near your child or home.

He sounds like a 'Nice Guy' - basically hes doing a bunch of creepy inappropriate stuff you didnt want or ask for and expects you to be 'grateful' and 'honored' at his attention.

Run for the hills.

He sounds deeply unattractive (personality I mean I have no idea what he looks like), and so super creepy. As pp have said DO NOT let this man anywhere near you and especially your daughter. He has narcissistic abuser written all over him. Block, block and block again!

Has it not occurred to you that the main attractant seems to be your 2 yr old daughter?

That kind of OTT attention isn't "flattering"; it's bloody insulting.

He does it because he thinks you're dumb enough to believe any lie and accept any bribe.

@Ladylokidoki

That's seriously, not ok.

I am guessing, he has split with girlfriend and is a poor housing situation and needs a new home.

This sounds suspiciously like the type of man, that moves in from one woman to the next. Promising them the world, love bombing them to only turn out to be an abusive arsehole and only leaves when forced or he finds the next person who will put up with him. And of course the ex is always a bitch or crazy or variations on that.

Personally I would send a message saying, I am finding this all too full on, please leave me alone and then block him. On everything you can find him on.

This! My first thought was he needs a new home!

Fuck me! My heart is pounding just reading that!! Keep yourself and your DD far, far, FAR away from this delusional creep!! That is sooo not normal!

Thank you so much, that’s really useful information.

I’m not sure where he is living, he did say his ex had moved on and living in a different part of UK now. Not sure why he felt the need to tell me that!

He's picked you out as the easiest target available to provide him with sex and a place to live.

He is desperate without a partner and considers getting one his first priority, so he assumes you must be desperate too, and that as you don't have a partner at the moment it must be because you are not doing very well in trying to attract someone (rather than you are a bit busy single parenting a toddler etc).

He actually has a fairly low opinion of you, possibly because you have a small child that he'd have to put up with, but at the moment his need for any sort of sex and housing allows him to overlook it - he will expect you to be suitably grateful for his attention though.

Buy yourself a kitten if you want one, then you'll only be dealing with one lot of shit per day instead of two...

@2bazookas yes didn’t think about that at first. He did say ‘I actually find it really attractive that you’re a mother, it can put some guys off but it doesn’t me’

It is definitely like he thinks he doing me a favour and that I should be grateful for the attention.

The fact he is slagging off his ex would have been a huge red flag WAAAY before the TELLING you he’s moving in, meeting your daughter and marrying you!
Jesus Christ he’s scary. I know you are feeling low on self esteem OP so if it helps, just think of your daughter and of protecting her. Because he sounds controlling, full of himself and a bit of a psycho.

I actually find it really attractive that you’re a mother, it can put some guys off but it doesn’t me

This isn’t what decent men say. This isn’t what a healthy relationship looks like.

Coming in late here, but fuck me that is weird and scary!

The best decision is to block and ghost this obsessive weirdo!

HE is the one who sounds desperate @Luckystars1 not you.

I think you should feel pleased with yourself OP. You say you have a history off poor boundaries but this made you uncomfortable so you made the wise decision to seek advice from other women rather than push your instincts down. You now know he is major bad news and will avoid the victimisation he would have tried to subject you too.

There is always more we can do to improve our boundaries and self esteem but you are well on the path.

Oh god OP this is fucking crazy. Put a stop to it now. This is well outside of 'normal'.

He sounds like a total bam.

I don’t think this should ever have got as far as you posting here.

I’d have run like the clappers within a couple of messages….do it OP. Run! Block. Etc

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Narc!