To put my baby in nursery when I’m off work?

[Babymeanswashing]

I am a teacher, and will be working full time from September.

Nursery have offered two options. One is pay for term time only. DH wants to go down this road.

Second option is to pay 50% fees in school holidays, meaning baby can go 50% of the time.

I’d like to go for the second option, even though it’s more expensive. It would just give me a chance to get stuff done!

What would you do? I don’t think either of us are unreasonable, but I’m wondering what the consensus is.

It’s a hard one.

When I go back, DH will drop her off at around 8. I will try to pick up around 4. So 9-3 isn’t dramatically different.

I am not wanting only answers that agree with me but I do feel it is very unfair the way people have taken me so literally despite me repeatedly saying that I might be paying for 50% but wouldn’t literally have her in for all that time. It would obviously be different if grandparents were available.

The way I see it, option A is work full time and have an active one year old in holidays. All school work is done after 8pm in the evening, I’m probably still going to be woken up at night (no sign of sleeping through yet!) I have to be putting her in and out of car seat and pushchair and sling going here and going there and going everywhere.

Then option B obviously costs more but means I can dedicate several hours in the holidays to school work which puts me at an advantage for the term ahead. It means I can catch up on sleep, do admin type tasks and generally recharge a bit.

It really feels like I’m getting a herd time for no reason.

Go 50%, I'm currently on maternity leave and my toddler dd goes once a week 9-3 and absolutely loves it. Means I get stuff done around the house, and spend some time with 6 month old.
Yes they grow up quickly but it doesn't mean them going to crèche your neglecting them. They gain so much from child care, making friends, independence. My little one loves telling me what she's been up too.
Do it, and if it doesn't work change no harm in trying!

I don’t actually think settling will be a problem, she’s a surprisingly sociable little thing for a lockdown baby!

I would go for term time only.

It's up to you of course though. If you feel like you want the time to be on your own to get things done, go for the 50% option. Also, a positive of this option is that your DC will not have a period of 2-6 weeks (summer holidays) where they don't go to nursery. It might be difficult at this young age to get them back into feeling comfortable and happy at nursery after the holidays.

I'm guessing you're the one who will be looking after you DC when they're not at nursery? Your DH will work full-time? Because really, it's not up to him to tell you that you have to go with the term time option. It's what you're comfortable and happy with. He's not the one doing it.

I'd go for term time only. For me personally I don't like the thought of my child being nursery all day if I'm at home.

That's my opinion.

Absolutely the extra 50% - having done a couple of decades of teaching it would be much better to have her in consistently whilst you got work done in the holidays. This could also mean less work during term time so more quality time with her.

And you need to take a break too.

I loved your comment about ‘if it’s so easy why don’t you do it’ - it’s just favourite comment to non teachers 😂

All the teachers I know end up working for some of their holidays anyway so 50% makes sense - time for you to work, go to appointments and have a bit of downtime.

I would go for the second option too. My 3 year old gets 30 free hours and we choose to do 22 a week all year round even though I only work evenings and weekends.

The childfree days give me time to catch up on housework, go to the gym, get my nails or hair done or just lounge around especially if I've had a late finish at work. During the holidays I have his older brother so I get one on one time with him which is really nice.

Some days he doesn't go because we are all doing something but because we only pay for his meals the cost of missing a day is minimal.

After months spent in lockdown trying to juggle homeschooling and keeping the kids occupied I think I fully deserve childfree time.

Just do what works for you and your child.

Am I right in thinking you’re an NQT?
If so, I’d say go with the option for 50% nursery.
A few reasons

1. NQT year can be a steep learning curve depending on your mentor and how supportive school are
2. you will need time in the holidays to work so having no childcare will be an issue
3. even experienced teacher get exhausted. Time to sleep, eat, see friends will be beneficial for your baby (not depressed mummy) and also for your overall wealth since full time teaching plus a baby and no time to yourself is very likely to mean getting signed off with stress.

I say all this as someone who took a career break with my own children. It’s the wise choice. If you find you are rested enough the by all means ring in and say you’re having a day trip so she/he won’t be in nursery today. But please don’t put yourself in the position of doing mid term plans with a baby attached and not having had a moment to yourself all year. It won’t end well.

No definitely not an NQT!

oh god the martyrs. 'that's parenting' - erm, but it doesn't have to be?

My kids spend loads of time in holiday clubs in summer because they love it and because sometimes when not working I like to get shit done or have a bloody break from work /kids.

Oh that poster is best ignored, wondergirl, seriously, she is awful. I just pretend she hasn’t posted and carry on as if she’s not there.

@Babymeanswashing

No definitely not an NQT!

Points 2 & 3 still stand. I wouldn’t combine full time teaching with a young child and no holiday childcare.

I haven't read the whole thread but I would definitely choose the 50% option, I'm back at work after 2 maternity leaves very close together, i have family to care for my children whilst I'm at work but i have a lot of annual leave which my employer has allowed me to carry over, I'm using it to take days off for appointments, housework and just a bit of downtime!!

Bit different but out of several friends currently on maternity leave without exception they all send their toddlers to nursery 1 or 2 days a week. I guess they could keep them home but they seem to enjoy nursery and it gives the parents a chance to catch up on sleep or cleaning.
I m o it's not so much the 2 days in the holidays that's the issue - it's the 5 days in term time. That is too much for a child under 3 (in my opinion).

Unfortunately snack that’s kind of how it is at the moment. There is nothing I can do about that which wouldn’t be so awful as to put her at a further disadvantage so I don’t really think it’s very fair to make me feel bad for it - also just my opinion.

@Babymeanswashing

It’s a hard one.

When I go back, DH will drop her off at around 8. I will try to pick up around 4. So 9-3 isn’t dramatically different.

I am not wanting only answers that agree with me but I do feel it is very unfair the way people have taken me so literally despite me repeatedly saying that I might be paying for 50% but wouldn’t literally have her in for all that time. It would obviously be different if grandparents were available.

The way I see it, option A is work full time and have an active one year old in holidays. All school work is done after 8pm in the evening, I’m probably still going to be woken up at night (no sign of sleeping through yet!) I have to be putting her in and out of car seat and pushchair and sling going here and going there and going everywhere.

Then option B obviously costs more but means I can dedicate several hours in the holidays to school work which puts me at an advantage for the term ahead. It means I can catch up on sleep, do admin type tasks and generally recharge a bit.

It really feels like I’m getting a herd time for no reason.

Taking out naps, our 1 year old is awake for 10 hours of the day. I spend a significantly unavoidable proportion of those hours of that cooking, cleaning, trying to stop her from hurting herself or destroying things. I'm sure she would rather be freely roaming around with her little buddies, playing and learning in a totally child safe space, than with me telling her off or trying to keep her contained for most of the day! If I had the option of her going in so that I could sort all of that stuff out I think it'd make me a 'better' mum for our days off tbh :-)

As mentioned earlier my partner teaches and never ever had time off during school holidays. The amount of work he does during school hols has increased since having kids as he moved more of that evening work to weekends and holidays in order that he could bathe, read a story and put them to bed. Go for your preferred 2nd option OP

I would go for 50%. Mine did a day at pre school when they didn’t ‘need’ to every week. I did housework or the food shop or used to go into my eldest’s school and read. They enjoyed it and made more friends to go to school with.

Just to add it was called pre school but they started a lot younger.

I'd do the 50% option. I'm currently on furlough rotation, so working 2 weeks on and 1 week furlough. I still send my 2yr old dd to childminder when I have my furlough week and don't feel even slightly guilty about it. She enjoys going and I enjoy having time to myself and being able to get stuff done around around the house unencumbered by a toddler.

If you dont have family support and are doing most of the wifework as most women do then definately have the 50 % . Even if you choose not to use it. Am not a teacher but imagine it must be necessary to have some holiday time to decompress/do lesson planning/admin. Hard to do that with toddler/baby

@theworks

Some mummy martyrs here. Go for the 50% option, you won't need to resettle after the summer, you get a break and you don't need to even use as much as the 50% if you don't want to. Your little one will enjoy the extra time as it is even if they continue to go in a couple of days a week.

It isn't being a martyr if you want the time with your child. When mine were little I'd do work in the evenings if I could so I could get more days with them. We are all different no need to be disparaging about other peoples choices. It's fine to want the 50% and it's fine not to, they are both legitimate choices.

The thing is ancient it is also does she want the time with me.

It’s so easy to trill yes, all children just love being with their parents, but I’m not sure how true that is when the reality is a carousel of stuff that’s dull.

Tbh, MN had me convinced before she came that all she would need for the first six months was me. Just cuddles and milk. That’s what I kept reading.

It’s just not true. She loves being out and about, loves music, toys, interaction, swimming, other babies. So I do take these ‘babies hate baby classes and just want to gaze adoringly at their mother’ posts with a pinch of salt, to be honest.

They vary, I've got 4 all grown up and what was best for one wasn't always best for another. So you just have to work it out, having some days to yourself might mean the other days can be more fun. If you have a child who struggles with fulltime childcare then a few weeks break will be wonderful.

As I said they are both valid choices but I don't think people need to make sneery remarks like calling people martyrs.

Obviously the main issue with you isn't what I think, what anyone on here thinks but what you all as a family think. Your husband might have a point if money is tight, if he's spending £200 a month on his golf club membership then he has no point.

It varies so much doesn't it.