To put my baby in nursery when I’m off work?

[Babymeanswashing]

I am a teacher, and will be working full time from September.

Nursery have offered two options. One is pay for term time only. DH wants to go down this road.

Second option is to pay 50% fees in school holidays, meaning baby can go 50% of the time.

I’d like to go for the second option, even though it’s more expensive. It would just give me a chance to get stuff done!

What would you do? I don’t think either of us are unreasonable, but I’m wondering what the consensus is.

I'm a full time teacher and pay term time only. During half terms I make sure I spend all holidays with my DC but then longer holidays I book them in for a day a week to make sure they still get to see their friends/stay familiar with nursery (and yes, then I can get planning done/pop into school to set up and maybe even have a little me time)

@C8H10N4O2 I*@C8H10N4O2* I know, that's why I said 'if'

It depends on the relationship whether it will cause resentment or not.

If

Personally I would go for the 50% option, you don't have to use it every day, if you are happy to pay for it and then not use it all the time.

I would think the summer holidays is a long time for them to be out of the nursery environment so random days here and there would be good for your child as much as anything else. But then I am a firm believer that kids learn the best from other children and even if I didn't work, would still put ds in nursery a couple of days a week. Originally I wasn't going to work f/t or use nursery/CM but then saw how much my ds developed after a weekend with a friends child that I made a u-turn on my descison. Sad for me but he gets so much out of it.

@MyDcAreMarvel

I don’t understand the getting stuff done comment? You have one baby it’s really not difficult to do things. Your baby has already been on childcare for long hours in term time. Spend some time with them and get your hair done at the weekend. And yes a baby would rather be with their mum at the dentist than at nursery.

Well you obviously had a very easy baby/ child. I could never get much done. Even now Dd is 3 it’s a challenge. I’d much rather spend quality time with her playing and give her my full attention when she isn’t at nursery.

If you can afford it, I would totally consider keeping the child in nursery. It means you can keep on top of chores and work and have 5 days where you can actually spend decent time with the kid, rather than trying to fit it around a baby. It means they get the social side of nursery as well.

Win-win, frankly.

@Babyboomtastic

otherwise I’ll literally never get a break

That's parenting and working though tbh. It's kind of what it is.

To have 6w a year to yourself is an amazing luxury, and tbh many of us are probably half jealous of you because it's not something parents usually get, but I still wouldn't do it.

Personally, I'd go for term time only, but see if nursery are willing to just do extra hours very occasionally - the odd day rather than weeks and weeks of it.

You're being really unreasonable, sorry.

That's parenting and working though tbh

You need to realise that everyone's circumstances are different and what you're able to manage and cope with may be different to what others can manage. Plenty of working parents find ways to get breaks. Either family take the child for a bit, the other parent has them alone for a day so they can go off and see friends or just relax, they put them in nursery a day when they're not working to catch up on stuff at home or relax, they share childcare with other parents so they swap playdates to get a bit of time alone. Being a working parent doesn't mean you have to and should submit yourself to never getting a break if you don't have to.

tbh many of us are probably half jealous of you because it's not something parents usually get

I think you meant to say that you are very jealous. The mummy martyrdom on here is unreal at times.

@Babyboomtastic - teachers don't get six weeks time to themselves though. They do a lot of work in the holidays & all through the year at weekends. I'm not a teacher.

What’s a break?! 🤣
Do you want your child’s strong connection with you or with nursery staff?

@Mummytomylittlegirl Well you obviously had a very easy baby/ child. I could never get much done. Even now Dd is 3 it’s a challenge. I’d much rather spend quality time with her playing and give her my full attention when she isn’t at nursery.
No that really, and I had twins and five under the age of four at one point. That’s why I can’t get my head around not being able to get stuff done with one baby.

I’m open to opinions but I think last time I saw this much shit was on safari in Kenya.

There is no way my baby would be happier in a dentist waiting room than at nursery!

What some people seem to be saying is 50% is too much so go for ad hoc days except that isn’t an option, it’s pay for 50% or nothing. Obviously paying for it doesn’t have to use it.

If I were MNHQ I would ban the person who made the swanning about comment but I’m not MNHQ so I expect it will stay.

[quote MyDcAreMarvel]**@Mummytomylittlegirl* Well you obviously had a very easy baby/ child. I could never get much done. Even now Dd is 3 it’s a challenge. I’d much rather spend quality time with her playing and give her my full attention when she isn’t at nursery.*
No that really, and I had twins and five under the age of four at one point. That’s why I can’t get my head around not being able to get stuff done with one baby.[/quote]
Bless you. It can be tricky putting yourself in someone else's shoes if you're not used to it, and it's a real learning curve trying to understand that everyone is different and people face different challenges to you. Keep at it though, you'll get there with enough practise!

@MyDcAreMarvel well you’re just superwomen then I guess but not everyone can be/ wants to. I love having some time alone at home, usually to do stuff like organise toys and clean/ cook in peace. I’m pregnant with twins.. and honestly I will be putting them in nursery fairly early for a few days before I go back to work part time. I know I won’t be able to cope! Happy Mum happy baby etc. each to their own!

It’s a totally personal decision, but I’d go for the 50% option if I could afford it. Mainly to keep some continuity for them. And you don’t necessarily have to use the whole 50%!

I’m not in the same situation, but a similar one - I’ve saved up a lot in order to be able to keep my toddler in nursery during my next maternity leave and I don’t feel guilty about that, in fact quite the opposite.

@Airyfairymarybeary

What’s a break?! 🤣 Do you want your child’s strong connection with you or with nursery staff?

Oh give over.

What's a break? Dont be obtuse. Barring very exceptional circumstances there is usually someone around who can take the little one for a couple of hours once on a blue moon. The other parent / a grandparent / a friend / a paid for minder. If you have never had a single moments break from your own children in order to be able to answer your own "what is a break?" question then you have been spectacularly failed by the other parent or have chose not to obtain help in another fashion.

And children can have strong connections with more than one person. Their own father works (seemingly) 5 days oer week but will still be perfectly capable of building a strong relationship with his own child.

Comments like this really piss me off.

@Airyfairymarybeary

What’s a break?! 🤣 Do you want your child’s strong connection with you or with nursery staff?

You're an amazing mum for never having a break, such a good role model to your children and a far super parent to those who do have breaks! Your medal is in the post, I know you'll wear it with pride :)

I’d definitely keep her in nursery part time if I was on maternity leave again. Otherwise I would struggle to do the much hated baby classes.

I have every Wednesday 8-1 to myself whilst DS is at nursery and DD is at school. I'll keep him in during the holidays too so DD and I can have some one on one time.

@Babymeanswashing

I’d definitely keep her in nursery part time if I was on maternity leave again. Otherwise I would struggle to do the much hated baby classes.

I am giving myself permission to not do the baby classes this time around. They’re twins so can entertain each other instead!

@Airyfairymarybeary

What’s a break?! 🤣 Do you want your child’s strong connection with you or with nursery staff?

I bet you don’t say the same about the OP’s partner working 5 days a week.

The sexism on here is unreal at times

To be fair twins is something else, I don’t know how twin mums cope!

What’s a break?! 🤣
Do you want your child’s strong connection with you or with nursery staff?

What’s this? Attachment theory according to Mumsnet? 🤣

@Babymeanswashing

To be fair twins is something else, I don’t know how twin mums cope!

I don’t know how I will cope… My plan is accepting help, making sure I get time for myself and of course nursery when the time comes!! (Even when I’m not at work )

I would take the 50% option but not make full use of it and only use it for some of the days.

However, I don’t think I would do the shorter 9-3 days that you’re thinking of as there’s no way a 1 year old will understand that this is a temporary thing. If they’re settled on the longer days I’d mostly stick with that, or at least make sure they’re there for the main points in the nursery day so that it doesn’t feel too different. So for example with my DD, when I can, I do pick her up early but i always make sure it’s after their tea time so that DD isn’t going to be constantly expecting me to turn up mid afternoon.

@Airyfairymarybeary

What’s a break?! 🤣 Do you want your child’s strong connection with you or with nursery staff?

Aye, because a kid in school nursery 2 days a week is going to totally forget who their parents are.

I'm not sure what I would do.
But just wanted to add that my son started nursery Oct 2019 (10 months old) he was then off for 10 weeks from dec as he was in hospital, then went back early feb, then lockdown in March, back again in June. But it was honestly a NIGHTMARE. it was like starting all over again every time to get him settled.
So personally I wouldn't recommend term time only for babies/toddlers.