I have to decide by the end of summer 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Puttheneedleontheraquet]

Do I use my final embryo from ivf and try for a child?

I’m 43, with a 3 year old toddler Dd after years of trying.
We have ah embryo left. 43 is my personal cut off age to try again with the embryo. I would’ve tried last year, but Covid and I have long covid (getting better 🙏)
If it were to work, I’d have a baby at 44 and my now daughter would be almost 4…is this crazy? Should I be content with one? Am I too old? Won’t be offended at all if people think I am. I’m not sure what to do..so wish I was 33 and not 43

I’m in exactly the same boat although due to turn 36 this month. I do have a lower egg reserve than most my age. I have an appointment in October so I guess I need to make my mind up before then-it feels very difficult. It feels very different to say ‘no’ to something then it does to say ‘let’s try for a baby.’ I just can’t imagine not knowing though so I think we will use it

OP, if you found out you were pregnant right now, what would your gut reaction be?

I get pangs when I see my friend's new babies but if I had a positive test right now, I would be terrified so I know it's not for me.

Excuse the apostrophe placement!

DC3 was born just after I turned 43 and it’s been amazing. DC1 and 2 have a four-year gap which worked out well and will be insignificant by the time they’re in their twenties/thirties.

Of course you’ll make a sensible decision for your family, OP - ignore the silly billies.

But it’d be sensible to think through what would happen if it didn’t work out (if the embryo didn’t survive the thaw/implant) or if you were, heaven forbid, to have a miscarriage or there were significant issues detected at the 12 or 20-week scans.

* Tell me then what should they all say?*

Share personal experiences
Give a view on the dilemma (it’s not unique to the OP)
But no need to get a banner out and say “go for it” “you won’t regret”.
We are talking about something huge here. It’s not for flippant… go for it OP!!! Comments

I was an older mum. Mine are teens now. I personally struggled, but without doubt - I enjoyed my twenties and thirties, which I don’t regret. So not clear cut in my case.

@Scaredycatmoo

* Tell me then what should they all say?*

Share personal experiences
Give a view on the dilemma (it’s not unique to the OP)
But no need to get a banner out and say “go for it” “you won’t regret”.
We are talking about something huge here. It’s not for flippant… go for it OP!!! Comments

I was an older mum. Mine are teens now. I personally struggled, but without doubt - I enjoyed my twenties and thirties, which I don’t regret. So not clear cut in my case.

No everyone’s personal experiences will be useful as not all will be the same age with a baby as op.

Skimmed thread and most older mothers still saying based ime I’d go for it.

A couple younger saying no they wouldn’t but that’s just speculating as not same position

A few telling everyone they’ve posted the wrong thing, but haven’t actually added much in terms of what you want to see - except one poster talking about ominous ‘repercussions’ which doesn’t help much as not expanded

Ime with having a baby in my 40s I get the op’s concerns about age, I had worries before dd arrived, and so far it’s been far better than that and those concerns haven’t come to light. She’s only 3.5 though.

One thing - I wouldn’t do it due to the opposite being unpalatable but if age is major concern then all I can do is give advice based on how I’ve found it so far

Exactly
A good post
Basically not saying - do it OP you’ll regret it

except one poster talking about ominous ‘repercussions’ which doesn’t help much as not expanded

That was me and the word ominous wasn’t mentioned. It’s hardly news to anyone that having a child is life changing, is it? I didn’t think expansion was necessary.

The point I made was that it’s really easy to be gung-ho when you’re a random on the Internet. “You go, girl”, then move on to the next thread. The same point as @Scaredycatmoo, basically.

@Blossomtoes

We are totally on the same page

@Blossomtoes

except one poster talking about ominous ‘repercussions’ which doesn’t help much as not expanded

That was me and the word ominous wasn’t mentioned. It’s hardly news to anyone that having a child is life changing, is it? I didn’t think expansion was necessary.

The point I made was that it’s really easy to be gung-ho when you’re a random on the Internet. “You go, girl”, then move on to the next thread. The same point as @Scaredycatmoo, basically.

The op then asked what you meant so it wasn’t as obvious as you may think.

She’s worried about age being a big factor and not being fair on the child - so yes being specific probably would help. If you mean just generally as it is for everyone then that’s different.

I know how op feels. I wanted straight talk as I was older too and had worries, they haven’t come to light so my advice is based on that.

Although Dd is still young so if people have teens etc now and had them older maybe their posts would be useful.

I don't think you're mad, no. And by your older child being 4, they'll be off to school meaning you'll only have the 1 pre-schooler for much of the time which will be easier than it would have been say a year ago.

I'd go for it otherwise you'll always be wondering 'what if?'

It's a tough decision, but I have to say that I fell off a cliff in terms of peri menopause between 43 and 45 and life suddenly got a lot harder in every way. I would have liked a late baby too but looking backwards not having one was the best way for my family. I'm not saying this happens to everyone but I honestly think having to care for a baby right now would break me and the way I feel has changed so dramatically over a short space of time.

Go for it ! You would regret not not trying . Good luck

@Justsocross

Go for it ! You would regret not not trying . Good luck

@Blossomtoes

I think 44 is not that old for a last child when you already have the embryo.

I would go for it if you want another child although be aware generally that success rates with frozen embryos aren't amazing, so nothing is guaranteed.

The thing is by having a 3 year old at 43 you’re already on a different trajectory to a 26 year old. So ignore them. If you want dd to have a sibling this is it. You simply have less time to try!

My cousin had her first at 40 and second at 44. She's 58 now and looks easily 10 years younger. I think if you're fit and healthy you should go for it.

Think my point about the ten year view is that this is less about what you might be faced with at 44, and more about your life in your late 50s. Think it's wise to think about reasonable worst case scenario for the teenage years and whether you'd feel OK from that standpoint too? If so, why not?

Do you REALLY REALLY want another child? If yes, then do it. Personally, I would not for many reasons. One is so much easier, better for the environment and you know you can cope. I'd quit whilst I were ahead, but only you can answer your own question. I have found 2 very, very difficult.