I have to decide by the end of summer 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Puttheneedleontheraquet]

Do I use my final embryo from ivf and try for a child?

I’m 43, with a 3 year old toddler Dd after years of trying.
We have ah embryo left. 43 is my personal cut off age to try again with the embryo. I would’ve tried last year, but Covid and I have long covid (getting better 🙏)
If it were to work, I’d have a baby at 44 and my now daughter would be almost 4…is this crazy? Should I be content with one? Am I too old? Won’t be offended at all if people think I am. I’m not sure what to do..so wish I was 33 and not 43

I’d say yes,go for it. It’s all there ready!

Yes it’s knackering but your DD will be 4 which is easier than 2 😀

My view is the embryo is already there, it already exists so you might aswell.

If you where asking should I do IVF again that an big question with a lot more factors to consider but this seems like an easy enough choice - take then chance you either will or wont have another child but you wont regret not trying it or forever wonder what would/could have been.

If you want another child, go for it. You'll work everything out.

One of my friends was an only child of older parents and unexpectedly lost them both by her early 20s (her dad in her teens after a long illness, her mum very unexpectedly a year after she'd finished university). I think she has had some moments of feeling alone but she also has lots of very close friends and is now married to a lovely man with a baby on the way. She's still happy to have been an only child and looks back on her childhood as a very happy time. So I wouldn't necessarily have a baby with the primary purpose of providing your DD with a sibling. There's no guarantee they will be close and having good friends can be better than a disinterested sibling. The main reason for trying has to be because you want another child.

Go for it. We are older parents and actually sometimes it seems easier for us than other youngsters! My parents are also older but v fit and very involved and best of all retired so lots of time to see their grand children ;-)

DO IT! You'll regret not trying. Stay as fit and healthy as you can. You'll be wonderful.

@Staffy1

I have no support around me from family, it’s just me and DH

This reason not to given by a PP is actually a reason to try in my opinion, so your daughter will have someone.

This, My family is very small and dying off quickly... I could count on my hand the number of family members we have and almost all are older and ill health (most of my generation is already dead and Im only in my 30s).

DH family doesnt have many others in DC generation either (just 2 sets of second cousins who emegrated so we dont see them) most in DH generation are proudly child free by choice and in their late 30s-40s so unlikely to suddenly change so once again once the older generation is gone there will be no one.

I had secondary infertility for 9 years (after primary for 2 years) and I did IVF, the reason is I wanted to garantee my DS had family and that when we are gone he isnt the only one left - to me a sibling is a gift for life.

Luckily my children all seem to be very healthy too, they seem to have escaped the family curse of ill health on my side (must get it from their dads side who seem to be very healthy) so they should get to be together for a long time.

I had my only child at almost 42. I was a very young fit 42. I now feel ancient and have multiple health problems at 52, nothing life threatening, but exhausting at times. I made the right decision - though at the time I did not expect to "age" so quickly, and my decision was made more on risks to baby and self in pregnancy increasing with age, feeling lucky I had one healthy baby at that age, with easy pregnancy. Delivery left it's mark physically too, so I was a bit worried about that for a second time.

There is a good chance it won’t work. If it doesn’t, at least you won’t be left with “what ifs”.

@Puttheneedleontheraquet I've been in this position but I was younger and had two children from ivf already, we defrosted our final two embryos to give them a chance but unfortunately on the day of transfer we found out that they hadn't survived the freeze/thaw process and we were unexpectedly very disappointed. I was 33 at the time, we decide to do one more fresh ivf and draw a line under it if it failed, it was our 9th attempt. We ended up with twins. I would caution any excitement about the frozen embryo and give it a chance but be fully aware it might not even make it to transfer. Sorry to be a downer when everyone else is sounding so positive, just wanted to share my experience, my first two were FET so I was hopeful it would work

Just to give a child’s point of view - my Mum was 44 when she had me and my Dad was 54. My Mum is now 77 and mainly fit but isn’t very mobile, my Dad died when I was 16.

Growing up the age gap was never an issue and I never noticed it, it did mean my parents had more time and actually retired when I was in my teens which was great. I’m a bit sad that I never got to see them when they were youthful though and my Mum isn’t able to cope looking after my children on her own but she’s still great with them.

If you’re fit and healthy OP then go for it

I had my babies in my early 20s and my good friend had hers in her early 40s. It's a bit funny seeing our children playing together and the two decade age gap between us mums but tbh we have more in common than we do in differences! Only you can decide this but I have to say, if I were in your exact position I think I would go for it.

I agree with others that have said you don’t mention how much your desire is for a second child, separate to the feeling of knowing an embryo is there, and desire to give child a sibling etc? Maybe you thought it went without saying that you really wanted one but it’s something to consider. I think there can be a feeling that having one child is somehow abnormal and the normal course without thinking is to have a min of two. I don’t agree. I am surprised at people having a planned second child when they don’t seem to enjoy parenting or seem to be stressed/ not coping with one. Do you truly want one more? If so then weigh up all the practicalities. I don’t think 4 years is a terrible gap to have, if you had one at 28 and one at 32 I don’t think you’d think twice. It’s more, am I too old. You mention long Covid, how bad is that and are you otherwise in good health?

In your position I would go for it. Otherwise I’d always be thinking “what if…”

Go for it, and good luck

I always think that if you're ambivalent about having a baby, don't do it. It's not something that can ever be undone.

If you are unsure then don’t do it. You need to be 100% to do it. Your age isn’t that big and neither is the gap. It’s a normal age gap between siblings

Yes I would go for it. I hit early menopause at 45 so wouldn't hang around. Good luck

Go for it

Let the chance of it decide

I would also go for it. I would forever regret not trying.

Go for it, you’ll always be wondering ‘what if’ or ‘I wish I’ if you don’t give it a try.

I was tired in my 20’s 30’s and 40’s.
With chances so slim I would try.

Go for it. I’ll be doing the same with my last embryo and I’m 42. 4 is a lovely age gap, your dd will still be young enough to play with baby but be old enough to help you with bits and bobs as baby gets older. Good luck

I’d probably go for it in your position. Good luck

Do it OP, your child will thank you for it when they're older. If it doesn't work, at least you tried. Good luck.

Thanks so much for all the feedback, it’s such a complicated thing and such a huge decision to make!