I have to decide by the end of summer 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Puttheneedleontheraquet]

Do I use my final embryo from ivf and try for a child?

I’m 43, with a 3 year old toddler Dd after years of trying.
We have ah embryo left. 43 is my personal cut off age to try again with the embryo. I would’ve tried last year, but Covid and I have long covid (getting better 🙏)
If it were to work, I’d have a baby at 44 and my now daughter would be almost 4…is this crazy? Should I be content with one? Am I too old? Won’t be offended at all if people think I am. I’m not sure what to do..so wish I was 33 and not 43

@BrilliantBetty

I would. Since the embryo is already there and ready.

It's surely quite unlikely to be successful... but if you don't try you might regret it in the future.

I'm usually on the 'you're old by 44 to be having babies' brigade. But this situation is different. Go for it & good luck

Why on earth would you say that its unlikely to be successful? How can you possibly know that? Unlike a natural pregnancy the embryo already exists and from a cycle several years ago when the OP was younger, plus she already has a child from that cycle which implies that her eggs are likely to be good quality.

There are certain clinics (including mine) where your odds of conceiving with a frozen embryo are actually significantly better than via a fresh cycle.

I have older parents and had a great childhood. They were financially secure and very young at heart. They're now late 70s/ early 80s and still seem to have more energy and a more active social life than me :-D

I've just had my second two months before turning 42 and so far it is actually easier than with the first. He's a much more chilled baby and i know what I'm doing this time around.

In your position I'd probably go for it.

It's so personal. Since you say you aren't happy with donating that embryo for whatever purpose, would the best case scenario be that you gave it a shot? I think 44 isn't what it was in terms of how 'old' you feel/look/are regarded as. So the question really is, do you want the possibility of another child or not? And would you be able to manage the general headfuckery that comes with TTC? If conception failed, would you be content to leave it at that or would you have been sucked back in and want to keep going?

I had 3 frozen left and donated them.

I was 39 at the time and content with my choice. I knew how hard a mixed heritage embryo would be to find so wanted to pass on the potential joy.

Weird thinking their could be potentially 3 children from the donation.

Go for it, or you'll always be wondering 'what if'

i would absolutely go for it. 43/44 is not too old.

I would go for it

I don't think I would. My parents were older when they had me and I think they struggled and felt more of a generation gap. Then they became old grandparents who didn't have the energy and health to join in as much as they'd like. I was 35 and 37 when were dc were born and DH was 46 then 48. I don't exactly regret it but he has found it extremely tiring and won't be able to retire early as he will still have dc to support. I found going from 1 to 2 dc a big jump and even as they get older, life is more complicated, tiring and expensive. It's harder to have time to yourselves especially if you have no family support as we don't. Life is more relaxed with 1 child and lots of other advantages to this. I think in your situation I'd try to be content with your lovely child unless you have a desperate strong urge to have a second. I think it all comes down to how strong your desire is.

Some 44s are very fit, active, lively and energetic and carry on like that for decades.

Some 44's are already noticing less energy, weaker m,uscles, need more sleep, struggling more with stress.

Only you know which (if any) applies to you. Are you still full of vim or heading to calmer waters?

Or look at it another way; you are half way through your life. You could devote all your energy and assets to rearing one child; not too much pressure through your middle years if you are fit and well paid. . Then she'll be off the nest when you're only 60 . Still young enough to spread your own wings and fly. Retire, back-pack round the world, etc.

When you're in the thick of toddlerhood it's hard to appreciate just how short childhood is and how fast it passes. Enjoy it while it lasts.

With children I think best that if don’t know what to do, best to err in side of caution.

And so in your case, I’d leave it

I didn't. We had spare embryos but I had two kids and felt I was 'done'. You might feel different. If I'd been younger then I would've considered it. We reached the ten-yr-limit a couple of years ago and I didn't feel I had the energy to consider more. I didn't want to donate to another couple either. I actually can't remember if we just destroyed them or donated to science. It feels horrible making that final decision, but for me I knew I didn't want more children, and I didn't want someone else to have my kids' full sibling either.

It's a hard, personal decision.

I would personally go for it in your situation.

I think you should try. If it's not successful then at least you know you've tried. If it is successful then try not to think of your age but the fact that your daughter will have a sibling to go through life with.

DS had her last at 44, a much longed for DD now 19. They all seem fine. Her only issue is having to work much longer to pay for DD university, but that's partly because ex-BIL was a cheating pillock who walked out.

DSis of course...

Go for it. I had my last and only successful ivf when I was 39 and widowed. If dh had still been alive I would have tried again. Ime you regret the things you dont do. Good luck whatever you decide.

I found out I was pregnant with my son at 43 - thought I was infertile. We had adopted out daughter by then. My hubby was unsure - I was certain from the second I knew. My hubby supported me all the way through and melted immediately he was born.
Go for it! Life’s to short - you are as old as you feel x

I would! I didn’t feel any different having kids in my 40s to younger.

Go for it OP. Do you think you might regret it if you don’t? I had my DD at 40 and DS at 42 and I have more energy than a lot of my younger friends.

I have no support around me from family, it’s just me and DH

This reason not to given by a PP is actually a reason to try in my opinion, so your daughter will have someone.

What does your gut say? 44 terrifies me I have to admit, but as your daughter is only 3 you're not that far away from the baby years, it wouldn't be like starting all over again. If you've gone through IVF does this mean the embryo is more likely to be healthy? One thing that would scare me at 44 is risk of chromosomal abnormalities but maybe that's less of a concern with IVF?

I think I'd try.

[quote Puttheneedleontheraquet]@godmum56 We’d have to sign a consent form to say if we wanted it to be allowed to be given as a donor or for medical science. Both those options don’t make me feel happy 🥲[/quote]
then I think you have an answer and my very very best wishes

It's the long covid that I think you should consider. Will another pregnancy on top of that tip you into less health, less energy?
it's going to be tiring. not every child will thank you for a sibling!

I was 42 when my DD was born, she is now 14 months.

It’s something I keep thinking about, but I had her with my gay best friend and we co-parent. I think it would be too dysfunctional to add a 4th person into the dynamic, plus DD Dad is currently house sharing. But if there was an embryo there waiting, I would just go for it.

Think this depends on where you feel your greatest regrets might lie looking back, say, in 10 years time? (Counselling might help with the decision?).

Worth factoring in a range of common scenarios - like your child has additional needs. Would you still cope OK?