I have to decide by the end of summer 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Puttheneedleontheraquet]

Do I use my final embryo from ivf and try for a child?

I’m 43, with a 3 year old toddler Dd after years of trying.
We have ah embryo left. 43 is my personal cut off age to try again with the embryo. I would’ve tried last year, but Covid and I have long covid (getting better 🙏)
If it were to work, I’d have a baby at 44 and my now daughter would be almost 4…is this crazy? Should I be content with one? Am I too old? Won’t be offended at all if people think I am. I’m not sure what to do..so wish I was 33 and not 43

100% do it. I’m 45 and I don’t feel at all ready for the knackers yard and could easily run around after a toddler.

What is the % likelihood of it working?

@BrilliantBetty I’m not sure 🤷🏻‍♀️

If I were you I would try x

It never ceases to amaze me the recklessness of people to tell someone tey don't know at all to just 'go for it' in situations like this - like it's a dessert or a holiday and not a human life

@Demelza82

It never ceases to amaze me the recklessness of people to tell someone tey don't know at all to just 'go for it' in situations like this - like it's a dessert or a holiday and not a human life

This. Predictable though. It’s like all the exhortations to LTB with no thought of the repercussions.

Honestly, it's such a personal decision I cannot see how anyone who doesn't know you can say either way.

I think all the people just saying "go for it" are being deeply irresponsible.

@Demelza82 @Blossomtoes What are you saying are the repercussions? In terms of it’s not fair for the child?

@Demelza82

It never ceases to amaze me the recklessness of people to tell someone tey don't know at all to just 'go for it' in situations like this - like it's a dessert or a holiday and not a human life

It’s MN - unknown posters ask for opinions on life-changing decisions all the time! Of course the OP isn’t going to make her decision solely based on what people on here have said - that would be ridiculous! However it’s often helpful to hear other people’s experiences and thoughts when mulling things over and coming to a personal decision.

GO FOR IT.

I say ‘go for it’ because I’m assuming - like I’m sure most other posters saying ‘go for it’ are - that deep down you know what you want and want to see if impartial data skews the same way as your gut. You’re clearly not stupid enough to be actually asking strangers on mumsnet for real advice about bringing a baby into the world. What you probably really want is to hear from people about whether they’d judge you for being an older mother. The verdict is clear: most people wouldn’t. (And those offering counterpoints are mainly concerned for your medical status from what I can see, which isn’t unreasonable as long Covid can vary dramatically is severity.) It’s great you’re taking time to think this decision through.

You know the % chances of success, you know what’s involved with putting your body through another pregnancy and the challenges of raising a child. You’ve done it once. You also know your own medical situation.

So. If all of the above means you - in consultation with friends, family and medical professionals - conclude you are in the right physical and mental place to try: abso-f**king-lutely GO FOR IT.

@Demelza82

It never ceases to amaze me the recklessness of people to tell someone tey don't know at all to just 'go for it' in situations like this - like it's a dessert or a holiday and not a human life

People post to get different pov's, nobody can make OP do anything. She's already thinking of doing it and asked for advice and suggestions to help her make he decision. She might choose to or not, entirely up to her. If people posted only to have the same reply from everyone it would be pointless. You may think she shouldn't, say why to OP as that's what she wants to hear, different perspectives, not for you to judge those who think she should.

[quote Puttheneedleontheraquet]**@Demelza82* @Blossomtoes* What are you saying are the repercussions? In terms of it’s not fair for the child?[/quote]
No not at all. What I’m saying is that it’s all very well all these women saying “Go on, do it!” when they’ll walk away from this thread and never give it another moment’s thought. This is a decision that’s going to affect several lives for ever, it’s huge but people are advising you as if you’re deliberating buying a new lipstick.

My take is that by posting here and vacillating, you’re not sure. If your gut was roaring “Do it” at you, I’d be right behind you but it’s not, is it? I just think if you bring a new life into the world it should be passionately wanted. Those endless sleepless nights and perpetual exhaustion are hard enough to deal with when your heart yearns for a baby.

Anyway, good luck whatever you choose. 💐

I get the feeling that deep down you do want to try it. So I say go for it (and good luck)

@Demelza82

It never ceases to amaze me the recklessness of people to tell someone tey don't know at all to just 'go for it' in situations like this - like it's a dessert or a holiday and not a human life

The OP posted her circumstances and asked for opinions based on that. No one has a crystal ball but the OP sounds like a responsible parent who would do her best by her child.

Demelza82
It never ceases to amaze me the recklessness of people to tell someone tey don't know at all to just 'go for it' in situations like this - like it's a dessert or a holiday and not a human life
But op is 43. If she was 53 (or even 49) the replies would be quite different. Mine would, anyway.

@Demelza82

It never ceases to amaze me the recklessness of people to tell someone tey don't know at all to just 'go for it' in situations like this - like it's a dessert or a holiday and not a human life

The op seems to be unsure due to age

As in op she says if I wish I were 33

I based my reply on this

What repercussions are people thinking of?

@Demelza82

It never ceases to amaze me the recklessness of people to tell someone tey don't know at all to just 'go for it' in situations like this - like it's a dessert or a holiday and not a human life

This Completely and utterly agree

So you wanted all the posts to say we can’t say?

I mean the op can still decide based on more than an mn thread

@MarshaBradyo

I mean the op can still decide based on more than an mn thread

Really - that is the only other option you see as being available?

Many posting “go for it”. “You won’t regret it” etc.

Despite knowing squat all about the Op.

L

Sorry that was meant for another poster

Or rather same poster but different comment

@Scaredycatmoo

Or rather same poster but different comment

Tell me then what should they all say?

Oh I definitely would. I’d always be wondering and the gap will still be small. DH was 44 when we had youngest and I can honestly say it has made no difference and their friends parents are older and younger. In fact I think it keeps your outlook younger because you are around teens in your 50’s. I would try to prepare myself for either outcome though

Same age and in exactly the same boat. I've found this thread a very useful read.