I have to decide by the end of summer 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Puttheneedleontheraquet]

Do I use my final embryo from ivf and try for a child?

I’m 43, with a 3 year old toddler Dd after years of trying.
We have ah embryo left. 43 is my personal cut off age to try again with the embryo. I would’ve tried last year, but Covid and I have long covid (getting better 🙏)
If it were to work, I’d have a baby at 44 and my now daughter would be almost 4…is this crazy? Should I be content with one? Am I too old? Won’t be offended at all if people think I am. I’m not sure what to do..so wish I was 33 and not 43

My mum was 43 when she had me and at 31 she has more energy then me most days. If you want to go for it go for it .

I think is one of those things you will always regret if you don’t try. In your situation I would.

Best of luck, OP, whatever decision you make.

The big thing that's missing from your posts, in my view, is how strong is your desire for another child.

None of the negatives in themselves make it a daft decision. The question is, when you add them all up, do they outweigh your urge to have another? No one else can judge this for you. Your daughter will be fine either way. How much do you want a baby? It's a scary and difficult thing to ponder with only one embryo left though, I imagine. Best of luck whatever you decide x

If you don’t try it, you’ll always wonder whether it would have taken. If it were me, I’d go for it. Good luck with whatever decision you make x

I don’t think your age or the age gap are issues. I’d be concerned at re-opening up the bit of you that is desperate for a child. It’s very hard just to ‘see what happens’. Do you feel resilient to cope if it doesn’t work? One kid is still very much a family.

I am 44, I say go for it and good luck. My kids are older so I wouldn't want a baby, but if my eldest was 3 and I wanted another I would definitely try. Every parent gets tired. And no ones life span is certain. Just do your best to be healthy. I ran a half marathon recently and wouldn't have dreamed of doing that in my 20s or 30s.

I was 40 when I had a son and 43 when I had his sister. They are both in their 20s now and I certainly don’t feel too old to have children that age and they don’t view me as too old.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

I would but then I did. After many miscarriages, we used a donor to conceive our son and I gave birth to him at 45. We had two embryos left in the freezer and we decided to give them a go and had both put back in...and I had my daughter at 47.

I know it isn't the path for everyone - I desperately tried to have children earlier but couldn't' so for me both of my children are an absolute blessing. They are now 6 and 5 and I am 52. Both my husband and I are fit and healthy and way more active than many of the younger parents we know. We are also much more financially secure. They also have older half siblings with whom they have a great relationship. Our lives are busy and hard work but we don't regret it at all.

Would I have wanted them earlier, of course. The problem with ruminating over the pros and cons is that the embryo might not take if you go ahead anyway - so as long as you are ok either way why not let fate decide?

@Viviennemary I know, that’s a huge factor too

I would.

I had my first at 40 and my second at nearly 44. Yes it was tiring at times, but isn't it always? I also have no family support (grandparents elderly and also far away), no siblings, and my husband works away a lot. It's entirely manageable, but I think a lot depends on how you are as a person and your mental attitude - what do you want it to be like, what kind of parent do you want to be? I don't think that's age dependent. And a lot of the worry about being an older parent, I think, is about the possibility of dying young; well okay, you can think about that, but there's every chance that you'll be around well into their independent adulthood so really, I am not sure that should be a major consideration assuming you're well and healthy.
Most of my childrens' school friends' parents are a bit younger than me, between 5 and 10 years younger on average I'd say. I don't think we have any vast differences in what we do with our children. Certainly none that are to do with age.

@sparemonitor Yes, been together over 20 years, he’s happy with whatever I decide 🤷🏻‍♀️

@godmum56 We’d have to sign a consent form to say if we wanted it to be allowed to be given as a donor or for medical science. Both those options don’t make me feel happy 🥲

I would in a heartbeat. However I’m not you. It’s very personal, only you will know.

I wouldn't. You'll be gone 60 dealing with teenagers.

I had DD1 at just shy of 39 after 3 rounds of IVF. We used our remaining frozen embryos 2 years later and got a positive result, but was already bleeding…

Fast forward to six years after DD1 was born and I found myself naturally pregnant at the age of 44 —and a half—. DD2 was born a month before my 45th birthday. That pregnancy was so much easier than the first. I suffered bouts of bleeding with DD1, including a hemorrhage at 14 weeks, and constantly thought we would lose her.

DD2 is now 8 (DD1 is 14) and I wouldn’t change anything for the world!

I would absolutely go for it! Best of luck!

I went to an NCT, we were all mature mothers, I thought I'd be the oldest in a group at 39 but I was the youngest, two of the women having their first babies were 42 and 43. Their pregnancies went well and they had lovely babies, so I say go for it if you want another baby. It is tough having a teenager when all you're thinking about is retirement but there are disadvantages at all ages.

Good luck.

Your daughter is still very young, 4 years isn’t much of a gap at all and is quite a nice difference of age. It’ll also be good for your daughter to have a sibling if, god forbid, something were to happen to you or her father whilst she is still relatively young (30s-40s) - she will still have a contemporary and someone to lean on. I think the older the parents are, the better it is for a child to have a sibling as an extra support network.

None of us know the future, my husband's father was in his 20s when DH was born, he didn't live to see his first birthday. I don't think worrying about 15 or 20 years from now is worth it but I know others will feel differently.

I had my first at 18 and my last at 39. I found it all easier at 39. At 18 you want to lie in bed all morning and I found early feeds a struggle, at 39 my bodyclock was different and it didn't bother me. I also had more money, a car, a washing machine, a fridge, a freezer etc.

I would. Since the embryo is already there and ready.

It's surely quite unlikely to be successful... but if you don't try you might regret it in the future.

I'm usually on the 'you're old by 44 to be having babies' brigade. But this situation is different. Go for it & good luck

I have a similar dilemma (slightly younger at 41, had my first child via IVF at 34/35) and say go for it! Women have been having second and later children well into their 40s since the dawn of time. If you feel you can cope emotionally, physically and financially then why not?

I'd go for it in a heartbeat if it were me. My boss had her last child at 43 or 44 and handled it just fine. She's 55 now (not that you'd know it looking at her !)

I think the real question is, do you want another and do you feel able to deal with a baby ? If the answer is yes, go for it !

As others said, if you're worried about your kids having older parents, remember that having siblings will offset that. And I don't think having older parents is that bad anyway. You'll be more laidback, probably more secure financially, etc.

If you do go for it please let us know if it works :)

I think you will regret not trying but if it works you’d never regret it…no, you’re not too old and neither is the age gap a problem.

Good luck 🤞

I'm 43 and my second child is one next month.
I say go for it!
We also have a two year old.
Yes, some days are tiring, but I am sure they are for anyone, whatever their age.
Mostly it is enjoyable.