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Original poster

Bridal couple requesting no "boxed gifts"... Is this normal or cheeky?

743 replies

weekendbreak101 · 22/06/2021 08:23

I'm invited to the wedding of a friend. Not a particularly close friend but we've known each other a long time.
On the invitation, the couple have requested "no boxed gifts"..
Can't help feeling this is a bit cheeky... I presume they mean no kettles, toasters, crockery sets and that kind of stuff but to rule out anything that comes in a box??
Feeling a bit annoyed, as I feel it's an indirect way of saying "we prefer money or vouchers". Surely it should be up to the guest what they want to give (or can afford to give) as a gift?
What are other peoples' thoughts on this?

OP posts:
Sally2791 · 22/06/2021 14:47

Not cheeky at all, surely it’s much better to avoid waste.

earthyfire · 22/06/2021 14:47

I'd be fine with this as I always give money, most of the weddings I've been to the couples already live together so have everything

lillylemons · 22/06/2021 14:48

When we got married I put No gift on the invites because we already had our flat with everything we needed. Everyone put money in our cards but we never asked for money.

2bazookas · 22/06/2021 14:52

I'd reply " Thanks for the heads-up you don't need any presents. I have made a charity donation instead"

Lilibet2022 · 22/06/2021 14:54

Cheeky. Set of tea towels in a ribbon.well they said no boxed gifts... Grin

ObviousNameChage · 22/06/2021 14:55

If we're talking expectations, let's face it , there are plenty of expectations from the guests as well.

First of all the expectation to be invite it. No matter how much people deny it, they expect to be invited , particularly if close to the couple. Sometimes even if not just because a guest of a similar standing made the list. Then it's all offence and hurt feelings and what not.

Then whether they're invited to the ceremony, reception or both. And while expectations might differ here, there are plenty of bonkers people that if they're invited to one and not the other they refuse to go and make judgements on the couple.

Then there's the "details" , location,food , any rules etc. with guests trying to bypass or change them to suit themselves.

The poor fuckers, sorry B&G , deserve a £20 voucher or note in a card after dealing with all that, at the very least.

ObviousNameChage · 22/06/2021 14:55

Pressed post too soon.

Meant to add.. if that's what they want/ask for(money).

Gwenhwyfar · 22/06/2021 15:01

@Tanfastic

Some people wouldn't feel comfortable just putting £15 in a card though but a nice photo frame or bottle of wine gives them another option.
Exactly. With a cheap present you at least have 'thought that counts' and it's not so obvious, even if it came from a list and the bride and groom will know the cost.
EscapeToTheMountains · 22/06/2021 15:01

I think it's a bit of a wimpy move to phrase it as "no boxed gifts" instead of saying what they really mean (money, money, money). I understand that couples today often already have a household of two of all the typical wedding gifts, but at least say what you mean and don't hide behind the silliness of "no boxed gifts"!

It would be tempting to "misunderstand" the "no boxed gifts" to mean "no gifts". But really, giving cash is easier than selecting and wrapping a gift, so that's what I'd do.

Covetthee · 22/06/2021 15:02

Because this is mumsnet world, its different to the real world.

People seem to hate weddings and everything that goes with it

The bride should just wear a bin bag and they should get married at the local registry and anything above that is braggy and not about a couple’s love for each other.

so many people think they are being clever, if I had someone who hated me that much then i would rather they didn’t come to my wedding, win win for both sides really

chipshopElvis · 22/06/2021 15:02

Give them a kettle in a gift bag!

Gwenhwyfar · 22/06/2021 15:04

"The last wedding I went to had something along the lines of "We already have everything we need with you being here, so please don't worry about gifts! If you feel the need to, we'll have a honeymoon fund moneybox with the cards""

If you feel the need to! I would prefer an honest 'please give us money' than that!

Kokeshi123 · 22/06/2021 15:05

I however want the option to have some control over my gifting. I want the option to do a but of research of thoughtful consideration to get something that I believe will be gratefully received, or nothing if I'm already going out if my way and financially contributing to attend in the first place.

You sound.... terrifying?

I have a SIL like this. Thinks she knows better than anyone else how to choose gifts, makes it clear she expects the gift to be copiously used and displayed and is constantly badgering people about DID YOU LIKE THE XYZ I GAVE YOU and all that. Expects equally thought-out gifts and cards in return, makes passive aggressive comments if something isn't up to scratch, engages in all sorts of weird mental box-ticking exercises about cards (a card that looks like it is out of a multi-pack isn't good enough, cards and gifts must be sent ON TIME otherwise she'll say something next time you meet, with a face on her like someone who's just swallowed a lemon, cards must be sent individually by each person including her immediate family who live in the same house as her....)

She is very, very hard work.

Gwenhwyfar · 22/06/2021 15:06

"The couple are spending more on you than you are spending on them"

Not necessarily if you count the cost of travel and accommodation.

Peach01 · 22/06/2021 15:06

@Lilibet2022

Cheeky. Set of tea towels in a ribbon.well they said no boxed gifts... Grin
Money in a card would be easier than a work around, presumably with the aim to annoy them.
ChelleV · 22/06/2021 15:07

@EscapeToTheMountains it's actually a really common generic term? No different to RSVP. You're not supposed to take it literally and reply back in French. It's an old, formal phrase that's used in weddings.

TheKeatingFive · 22/06/2021 15:09

Exactly. With a cheap present you at least have 'thought that counts' and it's not so obvious, even if it came from a list and the bride and groom will know the cost.

I don’t get this. If it’s something the B&G neither want nor need it is a pure waste of money, no matter what it ‘looks’.

mustlovegin · 22/06/2021 15:11

Poor form

Also, if they want money, they could have made an effort and word it differently

Sd352 · 22/06/2021 15:12

This will cause offence but our British guests were (on average) by far the least generous at our wedding (versus Indian, American, Latin American, Central European…). This thread seems to tally with my experience.

Boxed gifts are often terrible. We got some that are still sitting in their boxes 2.5 years later and will either get re-gifted or go to a charity shop. A £20 contribution to a honeymoon fund or no gift at all would have been more useful in that it wouldn’t have been actively useless, take up precious space at home and create more work for us to find a way to get rid of it sustainably.

PleasantBirthday · 22/06/2021 15:12

This is one of those times when it's a relief to be Irish! Nobody sends an invitation with an awkward request for money because you just give money. They know you're giving money, you know you're giving money.

Job done, on both sides.

Gwenhwyfar · 22/06/2021 15:12

@TheKeatingFive

Exactly. With a cheap present you at least have 'thought that counts' and it's not so obvious, even if it came from a list and the bride and groom will know the cost.

I don’t get this. If it’s something the B&G neither want nor need it is a pure waste of money, no matter what it ‘looks’.

You don't get it at all? You have to read it in context. The poster I was quoting was talking about the embarrassment for people on low incomes or who have already spent hundreds actually travelling to the wedding.
mustlovegin · 22/06/2021 15:13

The couple are spending more on you than you are spending on them

Well, it's the couple who want the guests to be there,..

MrsW150917 · 22/06/2021 15:14

lol you could always buy the toaster, take it out the box and wrap it up 🤣

TheKeatingFive · 22/06/2021 15:15

The poster I was quoting was talking about the embarrassment for people on low incomes or who have already spent hundreds actually travelling to the wedding.

And for them to actively waste more money on a gift no one wants is plain ridiculous.

We have to get over this cultural weirdness. Not bring a present is fine. A fiver in a card is fine. Both are infinitely better than the pure waste of buying ‘stuff’ that people have no interest in and will gather dust or get sent to a charity shop.

EscapeToTheMountains · 22/06/2021 15:15

it's actually a really common generic term?

Yes, I realise it's not meant to be taken literally. Maybe it is common and generic, but I don't think I've ever come across it before.

Generic or not, I still think it sounds silly and a bit of a wishy-washy way to say someone wants money instead of physical gifts.