Bridal couple requesting no "boxed gifts"... Is this normal or cheeky?

[weekendbreak101]

I'm invited to the wedding of a friend. Not a particularly close friend but we've known each other a long time.
On the invitation, the couple have requested "no boxed gifts"..
Can't help feeling this is a bit cheeky... I presume they mean no kettles, toasters, crockery sets and that kind of stuff but to rule out anything that comes in a box??
Feeling a bit annoyed, as I feel it's an indirect way of saying "we prefer money or vouchers". Surely it should be up to the guest what they want to give (or can afford to give) as a gift?
What are other peoples' thoughts on this?

@vivainsomnia but what is being asked for depends on the event, for a bring a plate you bring food, for a wedding you traditionally bring a gift for the bride and groom, and I can't think many people attending a wedding would not want to give a gift to them. When my parents got married it was traditional that you got household items as they would be setting up home for the first time, but nowadays that is quite rare, most people are already living together when they get married. So your traditional household gifts would be a waste of time and end up in landfill!

I would always want to get what the bride and groom would want, which surely you would as they are meant to be your friends, so if money is their ideal present, why not? If it means they can do additional trips on honeymoon for example, or have an extra special meal out, why would you begrudge your friends that. Why would it be better to buy something you think they want, which might end up languishing at the back of a shelf somewhere.

@LightasaBreeze

I would give them a towel

I got a couple of beach towels as a gift for our wedding for our honeymoon they were fab!

We didn't specify, just said we were happy with anything. Most people gave vouchers. Nobody gave us a toaster or anything g like that.

*If the invitation is from South Asian people I take back my comments. Otherwise... very poor form

😂😂😂😂😂

I also think it is interesting that people seem to think that things are more worthy of spending money on than experiences.

Why is it cheeky and a waste to want to have more money to spend on trips on your honeymoon, but not wasteful to replace a perfectly serviceable kettle (for eg) with a smeg one?

@Saoirse82

Most people give money anyway. I think its cheeky to request money or not ask for certain things. You may aswell start charging admissions. We were living together when we got married 8 years ago and we weren't so cheeky as to dictate what people bought us. Majority gave money and some did buy crockery or photo frames but just be bloody grateful for what you get!

Why is it cheeky? Why does it have to be ''sit quietly and be grateful for what you get'' even if it's something that goes straight in the bin or donation box? I don't understand why it's cheeky to express that they would appreciate if you contributed whatever you see fit towards xyz thing they will use / experience rather than buy something that will end up in landfill?

I think a small donation to charity is better, money is rude

@vivainsomnia

Dinner parties and similar get togethers are in no way equivalent to a wedding The principle is just the same in my view. You invite friends and families for a celebration of yours. You shouldn't expect gifts. If people come with one, you should be grateful for it.

Ultimately, we are going around circle because if the people who expect cash at their wedding are the sane than those who generously and happily give cash at other people's wedding, it's really not an issue.

Same the other way. The problem is when it's one way but not the other.

I wonder if people who'd rather give money are asked to bring a gift not cash? I've never heard anyone concerned about that. Maybe it doesn't happen?

@BringMeTea

Not wanting gifts is fine. Asking for money, not so much. State no gifts please. You might get some cash anyway. Asking in whatever twee way you like, is very bad manners and tacky af.

I agree. We didn't specify anything, never asked and if people asked us we'd say we were happy with anything.

We mostly got cash or vouchers. A couple of nice photo frames abs champagne but we loved them. I personally think it's cheeky to ask for no boxes gifts.

Dinner parties and similar get togethers are in no way equivalent to a wedding

The principle is just the same in my view. You invite friends and families for a celebration of yours. You shouldn't expect gifts. If people come with one, you should be grateful for it.

This is just ridiculous.
You would never show up to a wedding empty handed but would take a gift or cash.
But the bride and groom shouldn't expect a gift at a wedding ( where you always turn up with a gift or cash)
So they have to be faux surprised and grateful for whatever er they are given even if it is yet another coffee maker!!
Just give people what they want if it makes them happy at least your money isn't wasted and they can get what they actually want.
Seems sensible to me.

@readingismycardio

This talk has been done to death. I really don't see the difference in spending £50 for a toaster which you have to order/go into store/carry to the wedding and giving them £50, or £50 gift card. It's the same £50, it seems petty to me...

Well, one difference is that I wouldn't spend £50 on a toaster or kettle.

Some folks are pretty poor at gift buying though. My DF bought towels for the next door neighbours daughter - he had been invited to the evening do but was on holiday so couldn’t go. The towels were awful - I have no idea what he was thinking. Not remotely the colour they’d asked for. I waited until he’d gone on holiday and took them back to the shop and exchanged them for plain ones in the right colour and rewrapped them and put his tag back on.
It does seem a bit cheeky to be so openly asking for cash though. We had a gift list and we put John Lewis vouchers on as well as many very modest gifts so we got a mix of things plus some vouchers .

You should bring a gift of you are invited to the wedding ceremony, the depths of rudeness not to! It is a celebration but they are not mutually exclusive- celebrate and bring a gift!

I would not turn up at a dinner party without flowers or wine, maybe both, no way! Again, rude- I would be embarrassed. I was mortified when I went to a christening as I was sleep deprived and forgot two children were being christened not one. I just bought the one present.

"Hell, even other parts of Western Europe are fine with this including Belgians and Irish. It’s just White British people with the stupid hang up."

I had an Irish person tell me she was expected to give €100.
And a friend in Belgium got the suggestion of €30 when she was only invited to the apperitif. Literally only for one drink!
So I don't think 'every other country' (according to you) is necessarily better.

I would just donate to a charity in their name. It is fair enough not wanting more stuff but it should not mean they are requesting cash.
Absolutely pathetic.

I don't personally think it's cheeky. A member of my family recently got married and that's what they asked for. They've been living together 20+ years so what kind of boxed gift could we give them that they wouldn't already have? They'd have just got a load of stuff that they didn't need or want.

Some people wouldn't feel comfortable just putting £15 in a card though but a nice photo frame or bottle of wine gives them another option.

I have been to weddings in different countries, am now planning my own. I have to say I find the outrage/hang ups in this thread awkward and overblown. Why not relax a bit and not assume the people who are inviting you to their wedding are trying to bleed you dry or grab from you? If you feel that way, maybe it's a sign you shouldn't attend as you don't seem to think very much of the couple.

In many cases they will be spending quite a lot on feeding, watering and entertaining you and yours on the day and might appreciate cutting their costs if they knew how much contempt you seem to have for them. My advice is to keep your sourpuss energy at home, count your money and dust your le Creuset pans, it will be more enjoyable for all involved.

Well, one difference is that I wouldn't spend £50 on a toaster or kettle
Someone missing the point or being obtuse. 🤷‍♀️

Could you get a toast rack and put it in a polythene bag?

Some people wouldn't feel comfortable just putting £15 in a card though but a nice photo frame or bottle of wine gives them another option.

That is their issue though.

Why is a ‘nice photo frame’ a better option if it’s put away in a drawer and never looked at again? People don’t necessarily want or need countless photo frames.

Booze is the only other thing I’d gift at a wedding other than money.

Yes, booze is good, we had an ancient bottle of whisky given to us, it was lovely.

@ObviousNameChage

I'm using the crockery and cutlery that dp got as wedding gifts, they are pretty expensive brand/design but his ex hated them. We use them as everyday stuff, why not? I'm practical and attach no sentiment to things so told him to take whatever was not required by her (they delayed selling the family home to allow the kids to leave school, as have I, fortunate to be able to do this financially). I'd rather eat off bone China than supermarket cheap stuff!

Why don't they say what they DO want [money and vouchers] rather than what they DON'T want [boxed gifts].

After all, nobody tells you what they don't want for Christmas or their birthday

Normal for south Asian weddings. I remember for my cousins wedding back home she got loads of the exact same gifts. About 10 of the same glassware sets from the local market. Just loads and loads of crap really. People then started putting no gift box please on invitations and it was a lot better. The “no gift box please” has extended back here in the west.

I agree. This is just stupid. Only on Mumsnet does this seem to be a problem. Can anyone explain it to me? I personally would rather give a couple £50 in cash for them to spend on something they like or want be if a physical gift or towards honeymoon etc, than buy them something they don't really want or need.

Gone are the days when a couple start to live together after they've gotten married, they'll likely have already most of if not all of the household things they want or need so they don't need a toaster from you? confused why does this upset people?

I know right? I don't know, maybe we're odd but I usually like the people who's weddings I go to and would prefer they liked my present