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AIBU?

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Original poster

Bridal couple requesting no "boxed gifts"... Is this normal or cheeky?

743 replies

weekendbreak101 · 22/06/2021 08:23

I'm invited to the wedding of a friend. Not a particularly close friend but we've known each other a long time.
On the invitation, the couple have requested "no boxed gifts"..
Can't help feeling this is a bit cheeky... I presume they mean no kettles, toasters, crockery sets and that kind of stuff but to rule out anything that comes in a box??
Feeling a bit annoyed, as I feel it's an indirect way of saying "we prefer money or vouchers". Surely it should be up to the guest what they want to give (or can afford to give) as a gift?
What are other peoples' thoughts on this?

OP posts:
doritodust · 22/06/2021 13:01

@HoppingPavlova

If you really dislike them so much just don't attend FFS

It’s not a case of disliking them. Of course you would never go to a wedding for people you dislike. You can like people and want to celebrate their union but be irritated they have pulled a dick move.

If you really begrudge something so silly then you obviously don't like them all that much.

Otherwise it's some type of weird attempt at trying to teach them a lesson for the ''rudeness'' in which case you probably also don't like them all that much.

ancientgran · 22/06/2021 13:01

@SchrodingersImmigrant

My friends in central europe obviously got cash (it's normal, no need to even ask) and, now some of you might stop reading, they even had a voting thing so people could vote between 3 possible honeymoon places and one with most votes had the gift money spent on😁 Loved it! They never got to go and money were spend on nappies few times later, but still makes me smile
When one of my kids was getting married I was talking to their Godmother and she asked if they were having a honeymoon. I told her their plans and it was a place she had connections with (I'd known her for years but didn't know.) She gave a big cheque, she said she gave them extra as she wanted them to have a great time in this place she'd never visited by had a family connection with. They asked for details and when they got back gave her photos of places she had mentioned. She was thrilled and so were they.
SchrodingersImmigrant · 22/06/2021 13:02

@ancientgran this is how it looks when people like each other! Lovely!

vivainsomnia · 22/06/2021 13:03

if we are going to someone's house we tend to do bring a plate type things rather than full on dinner party, and would always ask whet they would like us to bring, so we don't all end up bringing the same thing
And that's a surely fine but would you be happy if the party indirectly asked you for cash instead, especially knowing it was to go towards a nice holiday?

Crankley · 22/06/2021 13:04

I think it's tacky but would do as they asked and remove the box from my gift before wrapping it.

ancientgran · 22/06/2021 13:04

@vivainsomnia

But the invite the OP referred to wasn't anything like that. The equivalent would be don't bring wine. I might say that, I don't drink, DH doesn't drink. I have personal reasons that I don't like alcohol and don't want it in my house but it doesn't mean I want money But everybody seems to agree that 'no boxed presents' is a supposedly subtle way to say the want cash, do mo different, just less subtle!
Well they are mind readers aren't they. We have no idea what the secret message was, the obvious one was they didn't want physical presents.
Gwenhwyfar · 22/06/2021 13:04

[quote MaBroon21]@HaveringWavering

Those were the days but in the part of Scotland I’m from it was generally done the Wednesday night before the wedding. It was great fun.[/quote]
So the gifts were all delivered in advance? Interesting.

khakiandcoral · 22/06/2021 13:04

Do you realise that some of the bitter and resentful posters on here, willing to spite the couple to teach the some kind of manners .. are someone's MIL? 😂

Good luck with that.

ineedaholidaynow · 22/06/2021 13:04

@ancientgran that is lovely. How could anyone think that was wrong, but I am sure there will still be people arguing that the godmother should have bought them a toaster

SchrodingersImmigrant · 22/06/2021 13:04

Seriously, hyperbole. Wedding and dinner party are really not the same. 🙄

Losing the argument against logic so coming up with more ridiculousness, eh😁

doritodust · 22/06/2021 13:05

@vivainsomnia

if we are going to someone's house we tend to do bring a plate type things rather than full on dinner party, and would always ask whet they would like us to bring, so we don't all end up bringing the same thing And that's a surely fine but would you be happy if the party indirectly asked you for cash instead, especially knowing it was to go towards a nice holiday?
Oh don't be silly.

Dinner parties and similar get togethers are in no way equivalent to a wedding.

RandomCatGenerator · 22/06/2021 13:05

@MarianneUnfaithful

It’s the phrase often used on invites for Indian weddings.

Quite normal and not cheeky in that context. Bestowing money on friends and newlyweds is a normal communal way to support people, and there is not the same squeamishness about money.

Exactly. Same in Pakistan.
khakiandcoral · 22/06/2021 13:05

@Crankley

I think it's tacky but would do as they asked and remove the box from my gift before wrapping it.
I know you are trying to be spiritual and witty, but you do realise you would look like a complete tit if you were doing this in real life?
ancientgran · 22/06/2021 13:06

[quote ineedaholidaynow]@ancientgran that is lovely. How could anyone think that was wrong, but I am sure there will still be people arguing that the godmother should have bought them a toaster[/quote]
It was lovely and meant so much to Godmother and the happy couple, definitely better than a toaster.

Disfordarkchocolate · 22/06/2021 13:06

I rarely enjoy present shopping so asking for cash is fine with me.

HoppingPavlova · 22/06/2021 13:06

We would not take the huff and think it is grabby, and go against what we are asked to bring and bring something different just to make a point

I completely agree, that would be batshit. But you wouldn’t take money in an envelope either though which is what the OP is specifically referring to and many others think is okay. So the analogy here is dinner host sends out invite with a twee poem asking for cash. Most people would be happy to take a bottle of wine, or chocolates or nice fruit or something but seriously everyone would be scratching their head going WTF if asked, be it in code or by bad poem, to come and hand over cash then enjoy your night.

doritodust · 22/06/2021 13:07

@khakiandcoral it's hilarious isn't it.
''They told me what they want so I don't have to spend money on naff stuff they don't need - THE AUDACITY!"

RandomCatGenerator · 22/06/2021 13:07

[quote doritodust]@vivainsomnia the thing is no one is specifying amounts.
My friend had recently had a significant birthday (in my home country) she said her dream was to visit Paris as she's never been and said her and her DH have been saving for a bit and rather than wondering what to buy she said if anyone wanted to she would really appreciate any contributions towards the trip.

I thought it was really practical and so did everyone else. She has now raised enough and will be booking when possible. There was nothing cheeky about it as we all love her and were more than happy to contribute to making something happen for her.
I think it's only cheeky when people are asking for specific amounts or set a minimum in which case I think it's a bit rude.

But otherwise I see no issue at all.[/quote]
Well said!

ancientgran · 22/06/2021 13:08

[quote SchrodingersImmigrant]@ancientgran this is how it looks when people like each other! Lovely![/quote]
It was so special for both sides, much more satisfying for the Godmother, I'm sure looking at those pictures was better than thinking about them having their toast.

Unicornish · 22/06/2021 13:10

They want cash or vouchers. I don't think that's wrong at all - in fact, I wish more people would do it. The world is overflowing with unwanted crap - we have huge piles of landfill and oceans full of plastic. Why wouldn't you give them money or vouchers so you could be sure that they were getting something they really wanted, and not just giving them the next piece of landfill? (Not saying you would buy them actual rubbish of course, but I hope you get my meaning!)

RaininSummer · 22/06/2021 13:11

I wouldn't have got that meant money as never heard it before. Like a previous poster, I would have either bought or made them something quirky.

Frezia · 22/06/2021 13:11

@vivainsomnia

What do you give when you are invited to a diner or a birthday party? That's a good point. Can you imagine an j vite to a dinner party that said: ps: don't bring, a bottle of wine, in all likelihood you wouldn't pick a good bottle, and we would end up gifted to the school fair. We will however accept £40 cash instead. This shall go towards our holiday fund to go to the Seychelles next year'!
No it's more like bringing them wine and chocolates when they specifically asked you not to, because you insist that's the appropriate gift for dinner parties.

And feeling offended if the hosts served your wine at the party instead of putting it in the cupboard to admire for 48 years and serving the wine they bought themselves because they're cheeky fuckers.

vivainsomnia · 22/06/2021 13:11

Dinner parties and similar get togethers are in no way equivalent to a wedding
The principle is just the same in my view. You invite friends and families for a celebration of yours. You shouldn't expect gifts. If people come with one, you should be grateful for it.

Ultimately, we are going around circle because if the people who expect cash at their wedding are the sane than those who generously and happily give cash at other people's wedding, it's really not an issue.

Same the other way. The problem is when it's one way but not the other.

Saoirse82 · 22/06/2021 13:11

Most people give money anyway. I think its cheeky to request money or not ask for certain things. You may aswell start charging admissions. We were living together when we got married 8 years ago and we weren't so cheeky as to dictate what people bought us. Majority gave money and some did buy crockery or photo frames but just be bloody grateful for what you get!

Sceptre86 · 22/06/2021 13:12

I'm asian and it is standard on our wedding invites so I wouldn't be offended. You just gift what you can afford to.