Bridal couple requesting no "boxed gifts"... Is this normal or cheeky?

[weekendbreak101]

I'm invited to the wedding of a friend. Not a particularly close friend but we've known each other a long time.
On the invitation, the couple have requested "no boxed gifts"..
Can't help feeling this is a bit cheeky... I presume they mean no kettles, toasters, crockery sets and that kind of stuff but to rule out anything that comes in a box??
Feeling a bit annoyed, as I feel it's an indirect way of saying "we prefer money or vouchers". Surely it should be up to the guest what they want to give (or can afford to give) as a gift?
What are other peoples' thoughts on this?

I’d actually go one further and gift them an ox to an underprivileged village.

😂 😂

What do you give when you are invited to a diner or a birthday party?

When we moved house and cleared out the loft we found some wedding gifts from his wedding with the ex. Literally got them home, put them in the loft and forgot about them. There was a very fancy case with professional cooking knives.

OH: I have no idea who gave us these. I don't want them.

Ex: what am I supposed to do with them? I never cook. I don't want them.

Me: ohhh knives! pretty knives! I want them!

@HoppingPavlova

Why is it fine to get guests to pay for your le creuset but not your honeymoon

The theory there would be Le Creuset lasts a lifetime (theoretically) so after being married for 48 years and cooking dinner you still look at it and think fondly of Mary and John who gifted it. Whereas with the honeymoon there is no individual thought given to Mary and John while on it let alone 48 years later. No one stares into space 48 years later as the thought strikes them ‘gosh I’m glad Mary and John chipped in to our honeymoon along with 148 others years ago’, just doesn’t happen.

Same theory would go for any gift even those with a shorter span, although quality should be that it lasts a significant amount of time so when Betty is drywall by her arse with the towel 9 years later thinking it’s not so fluffy anymore and needs to be replaced she thinks fondly of Sue and Peter whose towels have given nearly a decades service.

My first wedding was 50 years ago, I remember my husband's aunt gave us a hideous teapot, my aunt gave us sheets and granddad made me something. I haven't got a clue what the other presents were or who gave them.

Do other people really remember every gift? I don't even remember what I gave people let alone what they gave me.

I only remember the teapot as it was so hideous, the present granddad made as he died soon after and it was special and the sheets are memorable for a rather traumatic reason.

Or better yet go ahead with the ox that way they can still fondly remember the laugh they had when you tell them the bizzare ''gift'' you decided to give

I guess it's about teaching them a lesson for daring to not comply with what Pavlova thinks the bride and groom should want. Except I don't think it would have the desired effect.

Yes, I agree, it is certainly not worth hurting your wrists over. If I get a bigger house I think she wants me to have it but I don't have enough room at the moment.

What do you give when you are invited to a diner or a birthday party?

Dinner, I would take wine and possibly chocolate. For a birthday party I would get a gift that I thought suitable for the birthday person. I wouldn’t take some money in an envelope as my contribution.

@Insert1x20p

Honestly, I think it's fine. Your mum should give to the charity shop if it's now too heavy for her. If I saw a le creuset in there I would snap it up. Love mine. Also got some for my wedding and love it and use it loads, but I'm not going to break my wrists over it when I'm an old lady

Good advice, I've got arthritis in my right hand and wrist and haven't used my Le Creuset casserole in years. I think it has to go.

The theory there would be Le Creuset lasts a lifetime (theoretically) so after being married for 48 years and cooking dinner you still look at it and think fondly of Mary and John who gifted it.

See I don’t think this happens. Much more likely sent to the charity shop or put in the loft, never thought of again.

Whereas with the honeymoon there is no individual thought given to Mary and John while on it let alone 48 years later. No one stares into space 48 years later as the thought strikes them ‘gosh I’m glad Mary and John chipped in to our honeymoon along with 148 others years ago’, just doesn’t happen

I disagree. I’d have very fond thoughts about anyone who contributed to such a happy occasion

People are a lot less into ‘stuff’ than they used to be. Certain people on here need to adjust with the times,

I'd prefer that to the gift list a relative had where the cheapest item was a £100 saucepan, and the price range ran up to £1500. I also don't want to spend money on something the couple might not want or like, so money or vouchers is absolutely fine with me. My preferred option, in fact.

I think it's cheeky. My cousin, who at the time earned five times my salary (as I was repeatedly told), asked for money towards their honeymoon. I declined the wedding invitation and didn't send any money either

What do you give when you are invited to a diner or a birthday party?
That's a good point. Can you imagine an j vite to a dinner party that said: ps: don't bring, a bottle of wine, in all likelihood you wouldn't pick a good bottle, and we would end up gifted to the school fair. We will however accept £40 cash instead. This shall go towards our holiday fund to go to the Seychelles next year'!

Yes, my Mum has arthritis in her wrists and this is the reason. To be fair the vintage stuff is more attractive than the heart shaped thing I was given by my Step mum, that went to the charity shop. She didn't buy it for our wedding though, I think it was a last minute thought when I was early 20s, had no interest in cooking and had just left university so didn't have my own kitchen even.

If you really dislike them so much just don't attend FFS

It’s not a case of disliking them. Of course you would never go to a wedding for people you dislike. You can like people and want to celebrate their union but be irritated they have pulled a dick move.

@vivainsomnia

What do you give when you are invited to a diner or a birthday party? That's a good point. Can you imagine an j vite to a dinner party that said: ps: don't bring, a bottle of wine, in all likelihood you wouldn't pick a good bottle, and we would end up gifted to the school fair. We will however accept £40 cash instead. This shall go towards our holiday fund to go to the Seychelles next year'!

But the invite the OP referred to wasn't anything like that. The equivalent would be don't bring wine. I might say that, I don't drink, DH doesn't drink. I have personal reasons that I don't like alcohol and don't want it in my house but it doesn't mean I want money.

No gifts and no boxed gift doesn't really bother me but the poems asking for money do. I was just trying to figure out why and I think it's because saying no gifts, while implying money is preferred, doesn't explicitly ask for it.

My friends in central europe obviously got cash (it's normal, no need to even ask) and, now some of you might stop reading, they even had a voting thing so people could vote between 3 possible honeymoon places and one with most votes had the gift money spent on😁
Loved it!
They never got to go and money were spend on nappies few times later, but still makes me smile

@vivainsomnia

What do you give when you are invited to a diner or a birthday party? That's a good point. Can you imagine an j vite to a dinner party that said: ps: don't bring, a bottle of wine, in all likelihood you wouldn't pick a good bottle, and we would end up gifted to the school fair. We will however accept £40 cash instead. This shall go towards our holiday fund to go to the Seychelles next year'!

No the equivalent of that would be "bring a dish" like they do in some American states for big informal dinner parties.

Or just saying please don't bring alcohol.

I wish I'd got vouchers or money when I retired. They bought me jewellery, I rarely wear jewllery and if I do it is silver/white gold so I have this yellow gold jewellery that has been sitting in a box for 5 years. I feel bad about it but what a waste.

But I also think most people give money or vouchers now unless the couple is registered for gifts. And, again, I don't really like sending gift lists unless someone asks the couple what they would like first.

@vivainsomnia if we are going to someone's house we tend to do bring a plate type things rather than full on dinner party, and would always ask whet they would like us to bring, so we don't all end up bringing the same thing. We would not take the huff and think it is grabby, and go against what we are asked to bring and bring something different just to make a point!

But the invite the OP referred to wasn't anything like that. The equivalent would be don't bring wine. I might say that, I don't drink, DH doesn't drink. I have personal reasons that I don't like alcohol and don't want it in my house but it doesn't mean I want money
But everybody seems to agree that 'no boxed presents' is a supposedly subtle way to say the want cash, do mo different, just less subtle!

@HoppingPavlova

If you really dislike them so much just don't attend FFS

It’s not a case of disliking them. Of course you would never go to a wedding for people you dislike. You can like people and want to celebrate their union but be irritated they have pulled a dick move.

I have to aya that these threads always sound like most wedding most MN posters go to spread their misery are weddings of people they don't like

@vivainsomnia the thing is no one is specifying amounts.
My friend had recently had a significant birthday (in my home country) she said her dream was to visit Paris as she's never been and said her and her DH have been saving for a bit and rather than wondering what to buy she said if anyone wanted to she would really appreciate any contributions towards the trip.

I thought it was really practical and so did everyone else. She has now raised enough and will be booking when possible. There was nothing cheeky about it as we all love her and were more than happy to contribute to making something happen for her.
I think it's only cheeky when people are asking for specific amounts or set a minimum in which case I think it's a bit rude.

But otherwise I see no issue at all.

That's a good point. Can you imagine an j vite to a dinner party that said: ps: don't bring, a bottle of wine, in all likelihood you wouldn't pick a good bottle, and we would end up gifted to the school fair. We will however accept £40 cash instead. This shall go towards our holiday fund to go to the Seychelles next year

Don’t joke, per this thread that’s exactly the way things will head as people seem to think it quite acceptable. Weddings today, dinners tomorrow. More so if done in really bad poetic form.