Bridal couple requesting no "boxed gifts"... Is this normal or cheeky?

[weekendbreak101]

I'm invited to the wedding of a friend. Not a particularly close friend but we've known each other a long time.
On the invitation, the couple have requested "no boxed gifts"..
Can't help feeling this is a bit cheeky... I presume they mean no kettles, toasters, crockery sets and that kind of stuff but to rule out anything that comes in a box??
Feeling a bit annoyed, as I feel it's an indirect way of saying "we prefer money or vouchers". Surely it should be up to the guest what they want to give (or can afford to give) as a gift?
What are other peoples' thoughts on this?

What's bizarre is this attitude specifically about weddings - not wanting to contribute in a way that you know will be useful to the bride and groom to help with the cost of the party you will personally benefit from as a guest, purely out of spite

I’d actually go one further and gift them an ox to an underprivileged village. I don’t think it’s up to guests to pay towards a wedding or a honeymoon and if they didn’t want a gift otherwise then the ox it is.

@notacooldad

I absolutely love giving money or vouchers. It makes much more sense and gives the coupe the chance t buy a large purchase if they put all the money together. I honestly don't understand the 'CF' and 'rude ' comments.

Cheeky. They might as well do one of those 'give us all your cash' poems. Buy them something in a box immediately
MN at its most bonkers again. Why do that?

Presumably they liked you enough to be invited so why not do something that is useful to them.

It is simple, easy to do and benefits them. In fact it benefits me. I'm not messing around ordering or thinking of gifts they may like, wrapping it and then find they have god knows how many ornaments, household goods or whatever and they've given it to the charity shop.

I really hope this becomes the norm sooner rather than later to be honest. It's certainly becoming more popular way of doing it but I guess a lot of people don't like change or don't want to move with the times.
Donate to a charity on their behalf. Anyone turning up at a wedding having done that would look absolutely ridiculous!

Lol at bonkers. I wasn’t actually going to do it. 😂

If they want cash they should say. I would be tempted to adopt them a goat and give them the certificate!

I think it's worse for them to receive tons of stuff they don't actually need than to ask for money. They probably have all that stuff anyway so it's just wasteful to replace with new for no reason.

@user1471538283 why even bother going to the wedding.

I still wouldn't hand over cash.
They would get something that didn't come boxed when I purchased it.

Yes I agree, I think about my honeymoon all the time as I don't think it will be repeated any time soon! Due to motherhood I hate cooking now so my Le Cruset tend to gather dust on the bottom shelf until my DH decides to do his foodie events at the weekend.

Not cheeky at all. I come from a culture where hundreds of people attend the wedding. Imagine all those people gifting you something other than money. Most likely it will be stuff you already have and don’t need. I had 350 people at my wedding and that’s not even considered a lot in my culture.

@Goldenbear

Yes, I agree some seriously cynical people in the world. I'd be flattered if I got an invite to a wedding but then I really like attending them.

I hate weddings and try to get out of attending as much as I can. I probably went to more funerals than weddings. So I have no skin in the game either way.

So for me it comes down to what's more reasonable and common sense.

Gift the couple something they want/need/have asked for, or go all supertwat at being deprived of the opportunity to gift them a pan that they'll still moon over in 48 years(as if!) .

@canigooutyet

I still wouldn't hand over cash. They would get something that didn't come boxed when I purchased it.

Why?

It's standard terminology for Indian/Pakistani weddings, where it's custom to gift cash.

God some people have a massive stick up their arse and seem to be looking for any reason to get pissed off. Vast majority of couples do not need the typical dinnerware, household items that used to be popular gifts. And no one wants to be taking home a carful of clunky boxes full of stuff they don't need or want. If you hate your friends and family so much that you'd begrudge them £50 in a card, do them a favour and don't show up to their wedding.

@HoppingPavlova

What's bizarre is this attitude specifically about weddings - not wanting to contribute in a way that you know will be useful to the bride and groom to help with the cost of the party you will personally benefit from as a guest, purely out of spite

I’d actually go one further and gift them an ox to an underprivileged village. I don’t think it’s up to guests to pay towards a wedding or a honeymoon and if they didn’t want a gift otherwise then the ox it is.

Well if that's going to give you glee, you do you.

'moon over'.

I have a hideous Le Cruset heart shaped dish my wicked step mother gave me, all I can think about when i look at is.. well I won't say

Standard in some cultures like South Asian weddings. Nobody wants gifts chosen by others and if you have 200+ at your wedding, a pppp

My Mum has Le Cruset from her wedding day and she doesn't like it anymore as it is too heavy for her to lift. She can't remember who gave it to her but she does feel bad about wanting to get rid of it.

@Redcart21

Standard in some cultures like South Asian weddings. Nobody wants gifts chosen by others and if you have 200+ at your wedding, a pppp

Plenty of European countries do it too. No idea about the Americas as I haven't had any weddings/friends there, but I have a feeling it's a thing in some areas over there too.

Why? if I saw a new / nearly new Le Creuset item in a charity shop I'd snap it right up.

@HoppingPavlova I’d actually go one further and gift them an ox to an underprivileged village. I don’t think it’s up to guests to pay towards a wedding or a honeymoon and if they didn’t want a gift otherwise then the ox it is.

If you really dislike them so much just don't attend FFS.
Or better yet go ahead with the ox that way they can still fondly remember the laugh they had when you tell them the bizzare ''gift'' you decided to give.

@Redcart21 European cultures do it too.
My DGPs breathe a sigh of relief when the couple confirm they just want cash/contributions rather than ''nothing'' or want gifts and don't specify what as it's so much easier and practical.

It is not nearly new as my Mum was gifted it at her wedding in the 70s. She feels bad for getting rid of something someone thought she would 'moon over' for years to come.

@TheKeatingFive

Buy them something in a box immediately.

Now why would you do that? 🤨

I agree. This is just stupid. Only on Mumsnet does this seem to be a problem. Can anyone explain it to me? I personally would rather give a couple £50 in cash for them to spend on something they like or want be if a physical gift or towards honeymoon etc, than buy them something they don't really want or need.

Gone are the days when a couple start to live together after they've gotten married, they'll likely have already most of if not all of the household things they want or need so they don't need a toaster from you? why does this upset people?

We asked for money towards home improvements because a gift list of sunrise silk emulsion wasn't terribly practical (not that we'd chosen paint colours yet). We did buy a dinner service, but it was far better value popping up to the factory shop and buying the seconds directly in the January sales rather than ripping the guests off buy charging them a premium at the likes of Debenhams.

We had a furnished house with what we needed. It was the stage of taking time to find the right "forever" items to replace the aging make-do Argos.

I'm very happy to give cash. Pop to the local shops, buy card, go to ATM, easy peasy!

I miss Debenhams.

Honestly, I think it's fine. Your mum should give to the charity shop if it's now too heavy for her. If I saw a le creuset in there I would snap it up. Love mine. Also got some for my wedding and love it and use it loads, but I'm not going to break my wrists over it when I'm an old lady