Bridal couple requesting no "boxed gifts"... Is this normal or cheeky?

[weekendbreak101]

I'm invited to the wedding of a friend. Not a particularly close friend but we've known each other a long time.
On the invitation, the couple have requested "no boxed gifts"..
Can't help feeling this is a bit cheeky... I presume they mean no kettles, toasters, crockery sets and that kind of stuff but to rule out anything that comes in a box??
Feeling a bit annoyed, as I feel it's an indirect way of saying "we prefer money or vouchers". Surely it should be up to the guest what they want to give (or can afford to give) as a gift?
What are other peoples' thoughts on this?

face it, you put no gifts on the invite and then have to fend off the " but that's unreasonable, we want to give you something "

What about if a couple provided a list of kitchen cupboards, white products, hob and oven to make up a whole new kitchen would that be acceptable? Genuine question. I don't see how a wedding gift list is any less granny than money.

granny not granny

Grabby ffs

and dream of a honeymoon

When did it become a thing to get guests to pay for the hobeynoon?

I could happily do a wedding gift registry for my established household so fail to see how fairly new starters could not. In my experience having quite a few high price items works well

Why does everyone have to do things your way though?

Many people don’t particularly care for ‘stuff’ but really value holidays and experiences.

Some posters' heads might blow up to know that where I'm from, not only cash gifts are the "done thing" , but there's a minimum limit to it as well. Everyone (unless seriously struggling)attending gives at least the cost of the meal as a gift. Then depending on resources/relationship to the couple they add in more or do a practical gift as well.

BOOM! 🤯

I like the whole kitchen list idea. I’d happily pay towards a work top or whatever.

onlineshop.oxfam.org.uk/pile-of-poo/product/OU1007ML

It’s the only reasonable gift.

I really don't get this thread. I've never been to a wedding where I thought it was grabby to ask for cash. Even if it is cash the total rarely covers the wedding costs, it might help the B&G recoup a bit or pay for a honeymoon or something but it's not as if they're profiteering off of it.

@oneglassandpuzzled A large number of people in England aren’t Asian so why should they be expected to instinctively know something that hasn’t been culturally normal for them!

But why get offended or think it's rude? Surely if you are close enough and like them enough to want to participate in their wedding then you are also happy to embrace their traditions, culture or even just preferences on the day?

• honeymoon. Keyboard on fire today - a tree just made its way uninvited into another post. Before the night is out let’s see if it replaces something with Donald Trump!

When did it become a thing to get guests to pay for the honeymoon

Why is it fine to get guests to pay for your le creuset but not your honeymoon?

Clubbing together to buy an expensive item as a set of friends can be quite a bit of hassle and I would argue puts pressure on some to contribute more than they want to.

@ObviousNameChage

Some posters' heads might blow up to know that where I'm from, not only cash gifts are the "done thing" , but there's a minimum limit to it as well. Everyone (unless seriously struggling)attending gives at least the cost of the meal as a gift. Then depending on resources/relationship to the couple they add in more or do a practical gift as well.

BOOM! 🤯

It’s just that ‘cost of the meal’ transactional element that is a bit off in my culture.

@weekendbreak101

I'm invited to the wedding of a friend. Not a particularly close friend but we've known each other a long time. On the invitation, the couple have requested "no boxed gifts".. Can't help feeling this is a bit cheeky... I presume they mean no kettles, toasters, crockery sets and that kind of stuff but to rule out anything that comes in a box?? Feeling a bit annoyed, as I feel it's an indirect way of saying "we prefer money or vouchers". Surely it should be up to the guest what they want to give (or can afford to give) as a gift? What are other peoples' thoughts on this?

I don't see what is cheeky about it. It's quite commonplace and has been so for years, I've been to a few weddings with 'no boxed gifts' added to the invitation.

If you've ever been to an Asian (Hindu or Muslim) wedding, that is part of the tradition. There's usually a table, manned by a couple of people, placed discreetly in the reception where guests take monetary gifts for the bride and groom. It doesn't have to be very much. Actually nobody is going to know if you give nothing but people generally give at a wedding.

Most people have things for their home already and don't need any more 'stuff'. It also makes it easier for the guest who just writes a cheque or puts some cash in with the card.

It is really rude. I prefer the gift list or request for vouchers. At least that's straightforward. No boxes gifts makes you think you can give something in a bag!

Same here @ObviousNameChage generally if you're not super close you work out how much it is per head and gift cash equivalent to what they spent on you / your family/ your partner + card and a bunch of flowers.
And I do not come from wealth, actually quite the opposite.

Even if it is cash the total rarely covers the wedding costs

Same as with the honeymoon, when has it become a thing to get guests to cover the cost of the wedding? Bizarre. When did the pendulum swing from deciding to get married and covering the cost by budgeting for it (as brides family paying had long gone when I got married decades ago) to cross charging guests on arrival to cover it?

It is really rude. I prefer the gift list or request for vouchers

Why would you be ok with vouchers but not cash?

Call me weird if you like. I think asking for money in whatever way, be it a little poem or this or any other is rude and cheeky.
I have never gave money and would never do so. Certainly when we got married we were grateful for all gifts. Yes they might not have been to our personal tastes but most have been used over the years. ( I think there is still a box of towels and we married about 34 years)
With hindsight dh would have had a gift list but I thought it was grabby and cheeky. I guess we were not well off and in life you just were thankful for anything at any time. To ask for anything was seen as vulgar and very bad manners.

Yes, good point about cash, we didn't get cash but John lewis gifts and vouchers were not equivalent to the price of the wedding. The value of one present from an uncle was considerable and to be fair meant he should have been eating all of the food and had a private bar but still we didn't make those calculations, our wedding wasn't a quid pro quo affair!

I would just donate to a charity in their name. It is fair enough not wanting more stuff but it should not mean they are requesting cash.

@HoppingPavlova who is getting guests to cover the cost of the wedding?
It's hardly ''if you wish to attend please gift £££ in order to cover the costs of having you here'' it's literally just asking for no boxed gifts or a contribution to xyz if you wish no amount specified.

Unless the B&G are complete assholes and grabby in which case they wouldn't really be my friends and I would not be bothered to attend I can't see the issue of contributing something and celebrating their big day with them.

@Herja

I don't like being asked for particular gifts on invitations. I don't care if it's a wedding list, a request for cash/vouchers, or 'no boxed gifts'. Asking for gifts is (to my mind, though others clearly disagree) tacky and unpleasant. My view on this is the same, regardless of the type of celebration. Gifts should never be requested.

This

Weddings are hospitality.

You budget for them. You don’t expect guests to cover their own meals by giving you cash.