Bridal couple requesting no "boxed gifts"... Is this normal or cheeky?

[weekendbreak101]

I'm invited to the wedding of a friend. Not a particularly close friend but we've known each other a long time.
On the invitation, the couple have requested "no boxed gifts"..
Can't help feeling this is a bit cheeky... I presume they mean no kettles, toasters, crockery sets and that kind of stuff but to rule out anything that comes in a box??
Feeling a bit annoyed, as I feel it's an indirect way of saying "we prefer money or vouchers". Surely it should be up to the guest what they want to give (or can afford to give) as a gift?
What are other peoples' thoughts on this?

Honestly, don't bend yourself out of shape over it. Just get them some generic vouchers like M&S and be glad it is not another chore you have to do for a wedding no one could be arsed with.

It's normal, what's the problem? Were you not going to get them anything?

@BigfatJ

Give them a toaster in a bag

🤣🤣🤣

I don't get the attitude to this. Everyone knows that some guests want to get the bride and groom a present and will appreciate a little guidance as to what they'd like. Personally I had a gift list with a range of stuff from cheap to expensive - some guests wanted to get us physical presents, some got us cash, some didn't and I was really happy to have them there because I love them all.
As a guest I appreciate the steer on what sort of gift the host would like then I get it according to my budget not according to the cost of my meal or anything else. I'm going to a wedding soon and I will ask if there's a gift list because I'd rather get a present than cash, but if cash is what they want, then cash is what I'll give. I don't understand why that's so controversial.

So rude, I wouldn’t go. I’d never even ask for gifts for my wedding, I’d prefer the money to go to charity or something, this is so entitled.

It's standard wording on Asian wedding invitations.

I prefer the ‘no boxed gifts’ to the stupid ‘begging’ poems some people are keen on.
I always give money as a present because that is what people really want, but I don’t like people asking for money as a gift

We got married a couple of years ago and had housey things already. We put in our invites that we didn’t want anything but if someone wanted to bring a gift, then a bottle of their favourite wine or food or charity donation would be lovely. To ask for money when we weren’t struggling to furnish our house just seemed really grabby and not in the spirit of wanting to give people a really nice time.

@SinkGirl

I don’t think it’s cheeky. Most people have already long been living together when they get married now so don’t need tons of household stuff.

This

When we got engaged we got about 3 toasters - we already lived together in a small flat!
For our wedding we had a list - most stuck to it.
I’d have no issues giving money or vouchers or from a registry.

Not wanting gifts is fine. Asking for money, not so much. State no gifts please. You might get some cash anyway. Asking in whatever twee way you like, is very bad manners and tacky af.
Agree.

Yes, cheeky. If they don't need kettles and toasters etc, then what they want is for you to pay to attend their wedding.

@Ozanj Same in many Eastern Europe/Balkan cultures. Making a note of who gave what to make sure they're reciprocated fairly.
It's worth noting that traditional weddings are often still a community effort with lots of people pitching in so this sort of register is practical.

Another thing is that those weddings are lavish treats for the guests as well, a whole day and night of festivities with live music throughout, tons of food and open bar and there's an understanding that it's best for gifts to either be monetary to help with funding or something that directly contributes to the organisation of such an event.

I had a relatively traditional wedding and most guests did give cash without any sort of guidance from me as it's a common thing, but some of my friends and relatives weren't able to and just gave me heartfelt cards which I cherished and was of course happy to have them there.

The offense about gifts being "expected" or how dare people prefer cash over stuff is not something I've commonly encountered before moving here.

If you think so little of them that that’s enough to stop you going, I can’t imagine how you got an invitation in the first place
In the case if the invite from my OH's colleague, I really think money was part of it. That person had left the company years ago. The three colleagues she invited were not the ones she was closest to at the time, but those earning the most. She had not even been in touch with my OH for years, so to be fair, it made me wonder.

Well I wondered when we didn't even get a thank you note. Maybe she'd hope to get £100 rather than £50!

My close friends and family would never expect cash so not an issue. It just means potentially not going to more distant wedding which is fine with me!

Really crass.

I would buy them a tea towel.

Or nothing.

I think it’s fine, if they have 100 guests who give £20 each that’s 2k which is a lot more useful that countless kitchen gadgets.

@UserAtRandom

Yes, agree it's normal in many Asian cultures, and I'm actually quite surprised that so many on this thread have never heard of it.

We didn't want wedding gifts (at all) for our wedding and put "no boxed gifts" on our invites. If people were offended, they didn't show it. About third of the guests gave us money or vouchers, a third gave us nothing and a third gave us random items, most of which (apart from a set of towels from an elderly aunt which we have used and appreciated) ended up in the loft and have never been seen since.

The problem is that there is apparently no polite way to request (or not) wedding presents in the English culture.
Wedding lists are grabby. Asking for no gifts is rude because it's voicing an expectation that you will be getting one. Asking for money/vouchers rather than "stuff" is rude because you should be grateful for what you get and asking for money is "vulgar". Not specifying at all but waiting for guests to contact you and ask what you want is apparently also rude because it's putting the responsibility onto the guest. I don't think "no boxed gifts" which has the underlying "we don't care if you get us anything, but please make it money/vouchers if you do" is any more or less polite than anything else.

A large number of people in England aren’t Asian so why should they be expected to instinctively know something that hasn’t been culturally normal for them!

I have no problem with giving money but would find ‘no boxed gifts’ a bit abrupt.

What's all this talk of 'demanding' money, anyway? It's socially expected that you turn up to an event like this with a gift. The recipients have outlined their preference (be in a gift list or money). You don't have to turn up with anything if you really don't want to, but it's not a fucking demand when someone suggests what would be preferred.

It’s a tacky grab for cash. I’ve been married for decades and while I have everything I need I still don’t have everything I ‘want’. I could happily do a wedding gift registry for my established household so fail to see how fairly new starters could not. In my experience having quite a few high price items works well as it makes it easier for groups of friends to go in together and put towards something than individual gifts so allows for a mix of both.

I never understand why people get so offended by this, most couples these days already live together and have all the household appliances etc not like years ago when they moved in after the wedding. Why wouldn't a friend want to give them something they want/need? Odd

@lockdownalli

Really crass.

I would buy them a tea towel.

Or nothing.

You are invited to your best friend or your favourite niece's wedding and you give them... a tea towel? Really?

@ginghamstarfish

Yes, cheeky. If they don't need kettles and toasters etc, then what they want is for you to pay to attend their wedding.

Well, unless they need a kitchen...

Me, I'd rather think I contributed a third of a cupboard they need than a whole toaster they didn't need.

@ginghamstarfish

Yes, cheeky. If they don't need kettles and toasters etc, then what they want is for you to pay to attend their wedding.

If a friend invited you to a dinner party or BBQ, would you not want to bring something with you that contributes to the party? If they invite you to their wedding, why would you not want to contribute something that helps them with the party? It's not like you don't get anything in return. I genuinely don't get this outrage.

Unless people have a secret stash of toasters,vacuum cleaners, pots and pans etc. ,money would still be spent and more than likely not a fiver in a charity shop.

So what's the difference? Why is it so important to you that you can give a toaster or set of knives?

Why is it better for the newly weds to end up with x duplicates or stuff they already have/don't need?

Just stick the same amount you would've spent in a card or get them a voucher of that value.

It's not cheeky,grabby or tacky. It's responsible, not wasteful and common sense.

@HoppingPavlova

It’s a tacky grab for cash. I’ve been married for decades and while I have everything I need I still don’t have everything I ‘want’. I could happily do a wedding gift registry for my established household so fail to see how fairly new starters could not. In my experience having quite a few high price items works well as it makes it easier for groups of friends to go in together and put towards something than individual gifts so allows for a mix of both.

but that's just you.

Other people might have zero interest in expensive household items, be happy with spending a few £ in Ikea and dream of a honeymoon.

Some posters will find high price item offensive. You can't win.