Bridal couple requesting no "boxed gifts"... Is this normal or cheeky?

[weekendbreak101]

I'm invited to the wedding of a friend. Not a particularly close friend but we've known each other a long time.
On the invitation, the couple have requested "no boxed gifts"..
Can't help feeling this is a bit cheeky... I presume they mean no kettles, toasters, crockery sets and that kind of stuff but to rule out anything that comes in a box??
Feeling a bit annoyed, as I feel it's an indirect way of saying "we prefer money or vouchers". Surely it should be up to the guest what they want to give (or can afford to give) as a gift?
What are other peoples' thoughts on this?

@LightasaBreeze

I would give them a towel

Towels are great! You can never have too many imo.

Fellow Britons, we have adopted (and adapted) many things from those that have arrived at our shore to make their homes here. This idea is one we should adopt.
No-one goes to a wedding without a gift, just no-one would do that, so money in with the card is easy- no time needed fretting over what looks good for what you can afford, no time spent shopping, wrapping, etc. Everyone uses money, needs money- no-one turns around on opening a card and finding money to say "Oh, I've got three of these already"!

Most people marry after living independently, or often together, so they don't need housy things. A fortune will have been spent on the wedding in any case, so why not help them back on an even keel?

What I don't like (and this was the first time I encountered the phrase) is 'no boxed gifts in birthday invitations. That's a step too far

People can't win can they?

They ask for no boxed gifts it's rude, they ask for contribution to the honeymoon ''they just want cash how dare they!'' They ask for contribution to some experiences on the honeymoon ''I think less of them now'' .

I understand if they specified amounts or had silly demands but I don't get how people get offended and outraged at people trying to be honest rather than faking a smile at yet another toaster or frame that will go straight to the charity shop.
Surely if you are attending the wedding even if you are from a different culture you actually want to celebrate with the couple and like them enough that you won't think ''less of them'' because they asked for cash they will actually use or have a gift list instead of letting people buy unnecessary things?
If you don't want to just don't gift anything or don't go rather than bitching about it.

I get given Love to Shop vouchers at work that I can use towards the cost of a gift.

For some reason, my mind read that as 'Lovehoney vouchers' and, well, I think I'll just leave it there

I'm getting married this year and I've never heard the phrase!

We don't need any gifts etc but know that people will ask so we said on the invite info that there is no expectation of a gift at all but if people do want to give something then a contribution to our small honeymoon would be welcome - doesn't matter if it's just a tenner towards a cocktail! I haven't invited people to get gifts but I do know as a guest of many many weddings, that people don't want to turn up empty handed.

This is not cheeky. Well it's the same amount of cheeky as asking for gifts in the first place.

It makes sense so that the couple can buy what they want rather than things they don’t need. This is especially likely to happen if people are getting married a bit later on in life.
We got married a couple of years ago… both mature, both widowed in our 30s. It was so much fin spending the vouchers we received. They don’t have to be much, we had many just with £20 or £30 and it was very gratefully received. A couple of guests who don’t want to do this, bought us a slow cooker and a bread maker. We gratefully received this as well but both had to go on eBay as we had these things already.
It may seem boring to you but it will be gratefully received

@Ozanj I hope you married outside Britain? To give horses here would be to wish bankruptcy on city dwellers that would need to find stabling/grooms etc (like a White Elephant, really)

TheKeatingFive

They are your friends presumably. This is what they said they’d like. It’ll be an experience they remember forever. Why would you have such an issue with this yet be happier giving them some material stuff they don’t want or need? I honestly don’t get it. It’s baffling

Go back and read the first 2 lines of my post, perhaps it'll resolve your bafflement
I'm happy to give money if people say this is what they prefer. It's the stupid ways people ask for it that annoys me.

@LightasaBreeze

I would give them a towel

@CornishGem1975 I did same as you for my wedding… we still received vouchers rather than cash but it was good to say that there was no obligation to bring a gift.

I would 100% rather give the bride and groom what they requested rather than get all pissy about 'no boxed gifts'. It's a much better arrangement.

Give them a toaster in a bag

No-one goes to a wedding without a gift, just no-one would do that, so money in with the card is easy

agreed

but I still prefer an online payment, it's even more convenient 😂

@Floofsquidge

Ok Mumsnet: exactly how should a couple who have been living together for years with everything we possibly need (and to our own taste), have a child, maybe not in the first flush of youth, phrase that we don't want presents, OR money for our wedding and literally just want to have a lovely day with our friends and family, donation to charity if they wish to.

As it seems from some of these responses there is no right way and someone will take offence however you phrase it and brand you a CF unless you slip an essay on the subject in the invite.

Serious question, invites going out soon.

“We are inviting you to our wedding because we want you there to help us celebrate. We have everything we need so please don’t give us anything - your company is worth more to us than gifts and money.”

@TooBigForMyBoots

My thought is that you should decline the invitation freeing up a place for someone who actually likes, respects and is happy for the couple.

….exactly.

When some here say that if the gift thing wasn’t phrased in the way they like, they wouldn’t go to the wedding, I think, “If you think so little of them that that’s enough to stop you going, I can’t imagine how you got an invitation in the first place…”

Go back and read the first 2 lines of my post, perhaps it'll resolve your bafflement

But you didn’t say there was anything ‘twee’ about it, you said you were directed to a website. 🤨

Why would you want to give people something they don't want?

A lot of it is circular. The standard in our family is £100, so my mum gives £100 to each of my cousins when they got married and their mum gave me and my siblings £100 each when we got married.

When our cousin who is an only we did extra for her.

It's code for we actually have a house full of stuff. If we marry we will simply say no gifts, I have a houseful of stuff including barely used wedding gifts from each of our first marriages! If you feel like giving a gift just give money or a John Lewis gift card

[quote LittleTiger007]@CornishGem1975 I did same as you for my wedding… we still received vouchers rather than cash but it was good to say that there was no obligation to bring a gift.[/quote]
Yes, I'm fully expecting that some people will do vouchers or a bottle of plonk - which is absolutely fine but I really really don't need 'stuff' which we'd probably end up just giving away. It feels wasteful.

Tell them you were going to give them a boxful of money but now ...

@Floofsquidge If you really don't want people getting or giving you anything why not nominate a charity that is close to your heart, and people could make donations in your name.

Cheeky I think. Whenever people ask for money in their wedding invitation I always make a donation in their name, it brings me great joy.

No-one goes to a wedding without a gift, just no-one would do that

Agreed, or at least I wouldn't, so if they just tell me with the invite if they want cash or something from a gift list, it saves me asking them or thinking of something that they may or may not want or like. The key thing is that there's variety of things on the list or a vouchers option, not "prices start at 50 quid". One lot of friends wanted money for IVF. I'm not going to begrudge them that but even if they just want a nice holiday they're my friends. I'd be happy for them to have a nice time.

And if you say "no gifts" you still end up with people asking you and then it seems even worse to say "cash please". Better to just be upfront about it.