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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Offered a new job, DH walked out

321 replies

NorthSew · 21/06/2021 20:17

AIBU?

I have been working from home for the last 3 years.

Before this, my DH and I ran a business together for 6 years (I was more a silent partner.)

Recently, I've been offered a job at the local university- a job I think I would really enjoy and excel in.

I told him over dinner and he said "oh I am sure you will make lots of new friends and meet new people."

To which I responded "it's not really about that, but, yes, it would be nice to make some friends."

I don't have many here.

He got up and walked through to the kitchen. Then left the house. When I heard him leaving I asked him where he was going but he didn't answer. It's possible he didn't hear me.

I feel stupid now.

OP posts:
RaindropsOnRosie · 22/06/2021 15:03

@Squiz81I think they mean we should get a notification if the OP returns/posts

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 22/06/2021 15:32

@ClawedButler

MN needs some way to flag when an OP comments in a thread so you can tell if there's been an update or if it's just speculation.
This. When it remains in active, I get all excited, then disappointed to find the OP has remained long gone....
Squiz81 · 22/06/2021 15:42

[quote RaindropsOnRosie]@Squiz81I think they mean we should get a notification if the OP returns/posts[/quote]
Ah I see! Sorry @ClawedButler I think I misunderstood.

paddingtonbearmeetsdeadpool · 22/06/2021 15:53

I’m not sure if you’re being sarcastic or not…. If you’re not then this exists - click on “see all” on the OPs post.

That's a rude post to someone who is interested. Cant you explain without the attitude. Not everyone who comes on here understands how mumsnet works. I suppose next you'll be calling posters noobs apparently that means newbies who don't know what they are doing.

midsomermurderess · 22/06/2021 15:58

Good grief, Paddington, just push off lecturing people about their tone and attitude. I am so tired of people being offended on behalf of others who have expressed no offence. Now, get off on that!

Squiz81 · 22/06/2021 16:02

@paddingtonbearmeetsdeadpool I didn’t mean it rudely. I genuinely didn’t know if she was being sarcastic…as in she knows you can do “see all” but was annoyed people weren’t using it, so was saying it in a “oh if only there was this function” kind of way - when she knew full well there was.

I mentioned I didn’t know if she was being sarcastic so I didn’t look like an idiot for not getting her joke. Obviously I just look rude instead 🤷🏼‍♀️

MadMadMadamMim · 22/06/2021 16:06

Why on earth do you feel stupid?

Unless you are feeling stupid for marrying such an ignorant dickhead.

No one normal gets up from their dinner and walks out of the house in the middle of a conversation. That's pretty appalling behaviour, to be honest. Rude and controlling.

He needs to grow up.

WillowUfgood · 22/06/2021 16:11

@Squiz81

You don't look rude at all. I literally cannot see any rudeness in your post whatsoever.

Orf1abc · 22/06/2021 16:16

Has husband returned? Has NorthSew followed him? Has paddington lost the plot?

JaneJeffer · 22/06/2021 16:27

@ToTheLetter01

His actions are quite telling. You say you dont have many friends around here and have worked from home and with your DH. He obviously likes you being isolated where he knows what you're doing otherwise he wouldn't have made the comment "I'm sure you'll meet lots of new people and make new friends" Storming off giving you the silent treatment is making you feel silly and bad and it's trying to make you question if you should be doing this. It's an abusive tactic.

Has he been jealous is the past? Does he usually give silent treatment if you don't agree with him?
OP I have a feeling he is going to make this hard for you. You need to stay strong and do what's best for you.

That's quite a leap. Maybe he is pissed off that she didn't tell him she was applying for jobs, doing interviews, etc.
KatherineJaneway · 22/06/2021 16:53

Hope you are OK OP!

ImprobablePuffin · 22/06/2021 17:14

Option 1: He walked out and has left for good.

Option 2: He went to get flowers/treats to congratulate OP

No way of telling as OP has disappeared but it's amazing how many people have labelled him controlling, abusive etc with absolutely no further background knowledge or context.

Lilymossflower · 22/06/2021 17:21

He dousnt want you to have a job where you can make friends. He wants to keep you isolated at home

Squiz81 · 22/06/2021 18:53

Thank you @WillowUfgood - sometimes the madness on here makes you question yourself!

ClawedButler · 22/06/2021 20:12

Ah, thanks peeps, genuinely didn't know that function existed Grin

How far do you think OP's DH has managed to walk by now.

Egeegogxmv · 22/06/2021 20:16

I feel mnhq should put a 'warning-post and run' notice on this thread!

JaneJeffer · 22/06/2021 20:17

I think he headed for the airport @ClawedButler

ClawedButler · 22/06/2021 20:27

Perhaps he's Jesus and is even now strolling across the Channel

suspiria777 · 22/06/2021 20:35

i'm not going to rtft when it's 8 pages long and all of it is conjecture. But OP's "Before this, my DH and I ran a business together for 6 years (I was more a silent partner.)" sounds like a tax fiddle by DH.

NotSorry · 22/06/2021 20:45

@Egeegogxmv

I feel mnhq should put a 'warning-post and run' notice on this thread!
Agree
Remoulade · 22/06/2021 21:19

Yeah cause the OPs life possibly falling apart right now with her husband possibly revealing himself as a controlling asshole or maybe hasn't even returned home and the OP is worried sick trying to find him clearly is no excuse to not come on mumsnet to update the people who spent their precious time typing a few words in a box and clicking "post"... come on people. Be better.

Hope he returned home with a bunch of flowers and a bottle of wine to celebrate OP, but I imagine he would have given you a kiss and said "back in 10" before leaving if this was the case.

Original poster
NorthSew · 23/07/2021 21:54

Sorry everyone, I haven't been able to check the thread till now.

Unfortunately he wasn't getting champagne or chocolates. I turned down the job.

I feel very isolated and im not sure what to do. He doesn't hit me or abuse me or anything like that. He's a nice person. Everyone says so.

I feel like I have missed out on everything though, I have no identify of my own. I'm just his wife. I don't know what to do. Maybe it's my own fault.

OP posts:
Original poster
NorthSew · 23/07/2021 21:56

Identity*

OP posts:
CormoranStrike · 23/07/2021 21:57

Why did you turn it down?

Fingermoose · 23/07/2021 21:58

I'm so sorry. Please don't turn down the next job, and please make some plans to leave. Don't doubt your worth any more x