Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Offered a new job, DH walked out

321 replies

NorthSew · 21/06/2021 20:17

AIBU?

I have been working from home for the last 3 years.

Before this, my DH and I ran a business together for 6 years (I was more a silent partner.)

Recently, I've been offered a job at the local university- a job I think I would really enjoy and excel in.

I told him over dinner and he said "oh I am sure you will make lots of new friends and meet new people."

To which I responded "it's not really about that, but, yes, it would be nice to make some friends."

I don't have many here.

He got up and walked through to the kitchen. Then left the house. When I heard him leaving I asked him where he was going but he didn't answer. It's possible he didn't hear me.

I feel stupid now.

OP posts:
notacooldad · 22/06/2021 08:57

Surely the op you mentioned the job application to him. I normally ask DH to take a look over my application she to make sure I haven't missed any errors I may have made.
Pre interview dh would have seen me planning my answers, what I'm going to wear and so on. The day of the interview he would have told me good luck.

I don't discuss jobs with him because he expects to be told what I'm up to but because we are a team and support each other. Did none of this happen?

JellyBabiesFan · 22/06/2021 09:35

This is a reverse. OP walked out of the door and is clearly still walking.

PartyNeeded · 22/06/2021 10:05

@JellyBabiesFan

This is a reverse. OP walked out of the door and is clearly still walking.
[Grin]
KitKatLife101 · 22/06/2021 10:06

Sounds like he’s insecure and worried you’ll meet someone at work. This is a worrying sign and sounds like he might stop you from taking the job because of his own personal issues.

ejhhhhh · 22/06/2021 10:16

What a weird reaction. I agree we need a bit more info, was he aware you were looking for/applying for jobs? If yes, what was his reaction previously? If not, that says quite a lot. Whatever's going on with the two of you, you are not stupid, and you 100% need to accept this job offer.

ApolloandDaphne · 22/06/2021 10:24

@NorthSew Why do you feel stupid?

starfishmummy · 22/06/2021 10:24

How odd. But there's no update...

CallMeNutribullet · 22/06/2021 11:16

He wants you to be isolated doesn't he?

mam0918 · 22/06/2021 11:19

Eh?

You had a perfectly normal and casual convosation.

He then got up to do something, you asked what he was doing but acknowledge he probably couldnt hear you and he left to do his thing.

Those two things do not sound related at all... but you sound anxious for joining the two.

SlightlyJaded · 22/06/2021 11:20

Please DO NOT LET this childish, selfish and controlling behaviour spoil this opportunity for you. Please.

And before you say he isn't controlling. Think about what the word actually means... he has just managed your emotions from joy to dismay - this is EXACTLY what controlling behaviour means.

Congratulations on the new job OP - sounds like the best thing that could have happened.

IntermittentParps · 22/06/2021 11:33

Sounds like he doesn't want you to make friends and meet new people aka have any fun/not be available to him 24/7.

Bit odd that that's his first thought/comment, not 'what's the job like?' or 'nice one' or anything.

updownroundandround · 22/06/2021 12:22

@NorthSew

I hope you can see from other posters that it is for your husband to feel 'stupid', NOT you !!

You were having a perfectly normal, run of the mill chat about your new job, and he reacted in a totally bizarre and NOT normal way by getting up, and just fucking off !! Hmm

I'm hoping you will return and tell us what the hell he did next, because his reaction was SO far off normal, I'd guess he either has severe mental illness, or he's severely controlling, because those are the only possible causes I can even think of !

ToTheLetter01 · 22/06/2021 12:33

His actions are quite telling. You say you dont have many friends around here and have worked from home and with your DH. He obviously likes you being isolated where he knows what you're doing otherwise he wouldn't have made the comment "I'm sure you'll meet lots of new people and make new friends"
Storming off giving you the silent treatment is making you feel silly and bad and it's trying to make you question if you should be doing this. It's an abusive tactic.

Has he been jealous is the past? Does he usually give silent treatment if you don't agree with him?
OP I have a feeling he is going to make this hard for you. You need to stay strong and do what's best for you.

Unsure33 · 22/06/2021 12:36

7 pages to one post ????? and no update?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 22/06/2021 13:21

A normal reaction would be something like:

'You've got a new job?! Congratulations!'

His reaction is not normal. Is he controlling in other ways? Sounds as though he's got you in a box and wants you to stay that way.

Congrats on the job, by the way.

paddingtonbearmeetsdeadpool · 22/06/2021 13:21

7 pages to one post ????? and no update?

If it was bad she would come back with an update. He probably bought her flowers or chocolates or wine to celebrate. They probably had a bunk up after so why would she return.

CustardySergeant · 22/06/2021 13:44

@paddingtonbearmeetsdeadpool

7 pages to one post ????? and no update?

If it was bad she would come back with an update. He probably bought her flowers or chocolates or wine to celebrate. They probably had a bunk up after so why would she return.

Funny you should say that. I was thinking he probably went out to the car to get the flowers/chocolates/champagne he'd stashed there in case she got the job. The OP was too embarrassed to come back to the thread and probably hid the thread and name changed. That's just as likely a scenario as the one where he is a controlling, insecure bastard which many posters have assumed to be the case on no evidence at all.
paddingtonbearmeetsdeadpool · 22/06/2021 13:49

You would think you're reading an Eastenders plot posters imaginations have run away with them. They probably watch too much Eastenders or Corronation street.

midsomermurderess · 22/06/2021 13:50

The 'see all' function is very useful. Look, one post, OP never returned, and the 7 pages of speculation and the usual. Why don't people check what the status of a thread is? Oh yes, silly me, because what they think is all that is important, even of it's clearly a wind up like this or the same thing has been said 100 times before.

FatSams · 22/06/2021 13:54

No backstory, no detail, one post yet still people telling her he is a controlling arsehole and to leave him. People need to relax, get some more detail before you decide to burn an effigy of him!

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 22/06/2021 14:01

Yes, if it's a 'post and run' I don't tend to invest in it. Fed up of people withdrawing threads after good advice, which were in no way identifying, but I think with a post and run you've got the heads up that it might end there. I try and check them about every 24 hrs, if I'm feeling really nosey...

ClawedButler · 22/06/2021 14:41

MN needs some way to flag when an OP comments in a thread so you can tell if there's been an update or if it's just speculation.

Clickbait · 22/06/2021 14:44

@ClawedButler you can. At the bottom of the OP it says 'OP's posts: see all see next'. If there's only a 'see all' with no 'see next' you know there's been no update.

midsomermurderess · 22/06/2021 14:45

Mumsnet already does, it's the 'see all' button; that will show where a thread is at as far as the OP's is concerned. But most people seem not to care, they just want to make their own comment, even if the thread has run in to the sand, or the same thing has been said over and over, page after page. There is so little meaningful engagement in threads anymore. So many posters just want to have their say.

Squiz81 · 22/06/2021 14:45

@ClawedButler

MN needs some way to flag when an OP comments in a thread so you can tell if there's been an update or if it's just speculation.
I’m not sure if you’re being sarcastic or not…. If you’re not then this exists - click on “see all” on the OPs post.