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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think I shouldn’t have to feel like I need to lock my things up

258 replies

FedUpppp · 21/06/2021 10:04

For some reason my possessions are a free for all and I’m sick of it

I’ve explained to the dc they can’t just help themselves to my things-yet they do. Repeatedly.
The consequences for this have been a telling off and having to replace items.

It happens with food (I’m vegan they aren’t yet they’ll eat my vegan chocolate and leave mine and not replace)
Make up will get taken from my room , used, not replaced.

Nobody asks to borrow ? They think it’s acceptable to go to someone else’s room / bag and take.

They’ve been taught about privacy and stealing yet this continues.

I dont see why I should now feel like I have to hide/lock things away ??
So I can’t have cold chocolate ss can’t leave it in the fridge.
Can’t leave my own things out in my own room.

I feel devalued almost as if they see me as a lesser person and they can take off me.
It’s only small items but I’ve had enough of it

OP posts:
Macncheeseballs · 23/06/2021 21:40

And it sure as hell ain't stealing

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/06/2021 22:09

But can’t you see why the OP is upset that, despite her repeatedly asking them not to, her children have eaten the one and only treat she bought for herself, whilst ignoring all the treats she has bought for them, at their request - so now she has no treat, and they still have all of theirs, @Macncheeseballs?

Nanny0gg · 23/06/2021 22:28

@Macncheeseballs

Brefugee, honestly that never happens in our house, no one binges on anything, there's never been any rules on food, if someone liked a particular 'treat', I'd just buy more, but we don't really call them treats
But this isn’t about you…
Nanny0gg · 23/06/2021 22:30

@Macncheeseballs

And it sure as hell ain't stealing
Taking their mother’s possessions without asking counts as stealing in my book.

If it was money rather than makeup, would that be stealing?

RickOShay · 23/06/2021 22:35

I wouldn’t class it as stealing either. They are my children. I wouldn’t want them borrowing my stuff, or indeed putting it in a charity bag, dd I’m so looking at you right now, but they couldn’t STEAL from me.
We all see it differently.

londonscalling · 23/06/2021 22:35

Don't put a lock on. A lock just means they can't get to your things. You need to teach them that you should be able to leave things out and they should respect you enough not to take them!

londonscalling · 23/06/2021 22:42

My son is at uni. There is a boy there who takes everyone else's food from the shared kitchen (I know this isn't too uncommon). However, he has also got into their rooms and "borrowed" phone chargers etc. Don't let your children think it's ok to do things like that (I'm sure you won't)! Good luck!!!!

ClaryFairchild · 23/06/2021 23:17

I'm sorry, but loss of pocket money to replace the taken item is quite a pathetic punishment. It leaves them absolutely no worse off than if they had bought their own, and they haven't had to expend any effort or energy to buy the item, and they only pay if you realise it's missing and can identify which one has taken it. And that also doesn't deal with the borrowed jewellery etc which can be returned.

Replacement cost should be a given, the punishment for taking your items is in addition to that. So loss of any pocket money that week for stealing, ban from using phones/devices, bam from ANY food treats for a few days, etc.

strawberrymilkshakeisdelicious · 24/06/2021 04:17

I'd start "borrowing" their clothing, xboxes, phone chargers etc. Anything precious to them, I'd take without asking.... see if that drives home the message?

The choc, I'd hide inside a pocket of something they won't touch with a barge pole. Packet of broccoli or something.

Macncheeseballs · 24/06/2021 07:26

I'm not sure you can compare chocolate to a phone charger, it's just chocolate, buy more of the treat you like so everyone can have some without it running out, I'm curious to know what treat it is, to cause this much consternation

Macncheeseballs · 24/06/2021 07:29

And my kids are welcome to my make-up, I like to see it getting used

Cowbells · 24/06/2021 07:31

I was thinking I don't have this problem but my phone chargers vamnish almost weekly.

pam290358 · 24/06/2021 12:00

Someone upthread suggested removing their bedroom doors. I think this is a great idea. If they don’t have boundaries and respect your privacy why should you respect theirs ? Make it clear that they don’t get the doors/their privacy back until they learn some respect for you.

pam290358 · 24/06/2021 12:01

@Macncheeseballs. I think the OP said she’s vegan. Her vegan chocolate taken and not replaced.

RickOShay · 24/06/2021 12:17

Removing bedroom doors?
Really?
That’s effective discipline?
What about talking to them?

SmokeyDevil · 24/06/2021 12:57

@RickOShay

Removing bedroom doors? Really? That’s effective discipline? What about talking to them?
You clearly missed the part where op said she has spoken to them. She has tried explaining it them, they don't care.

What's your advice then, give them a gold star when they don't steal stuff? Hmm One of them is 15, they aren't small kids. One is a teenager and the other is almost a teenager, they know better.

Mincingfuckdragon · 24/06/2021 21:04

*ClaryFairchild

I'm sorry, but loss of pocket money to replace the taken item is quite a pathetic punishment. It leaves them absolutely no worse off than if they had bought their own, and they haven't had to expend any effort or energy to buy the item, and they only pay if you realise it's missing and can identify which one has taken it. And that also doesn't deal with the borrowed jewellery etc which can be returned.

Replacement cost should be a given, the punishment for taking your items is in addition to that. So loss of any pocket money that week for stealing, ban from using phones/devices, bam from ANY food treats for a few days, etc.*

This.

Macncheeseballs · 24/06/2021 21:17

Buy more vegan chocolate so there is enough for everyone to feel happy

RickOShay · 24/06/2021 21:55

Removing their doors though? Surely that’s overkill. People are just going wild here.
Talk to them again and again.

RickOShay · 24/06/2021 21:57

And absolute Grin at teenagers knowing better
Thats kind of the whole point of teenagers

WhereYouLeftIt · 24/06/2021 22:10

@Macncheeseballs

Buy more vegan chocolate so there is enough for everyone to feel happy
  1. Have you seen the price of vegan chocolate compared to the regular kind?
  1. Why do you think these two disrespectful daughters would find any amount 'enough' to stop them troughing the lot?
Brefugee · 25/06/2021 07:18

Brefugee, honestly that never happens in our house, no one binges on anything, there's never been any rules on food, if someone liked a particular 'treat', I'd just buy more, but we don't really call them treats

well, Macncheeseballs - you have a nicely managed household then. It's not about you. It's about OP and her problems with her kids. As for buy more vegan chocolate... get over yourself. It's a) expensive and b) no.

Are you only on the thread to boast about how lovely it is at yours? well done. have a medal or something.
It doesn't happen in my house either, but it happens in a lot of households and we see thread after thread here about DHs who hoover up everything in sight and have no boundaries when it comes to, say, snacks bought for their own DCs packed lunches. Where do you think that attitude starts and do you agree it needs to be nipped in the bud?

The OP needs strategies not people coming on all smug and wide-eyed not getting it.

Macncheeseballs · 25/06/2021 07:47

Brefugee, I know it's not about me but I was merely responding to a question asking about me, I can only guess I don't have these issues because we've never seen food as treats, possibly that's where it all starts, it's not about more rules it's about less rules, just perhaps my many years of child rearing may have some relevance in this case, no need to put me down

PattyPan · 25/06/2021 08:39

Vegan chocolate isn’t necessarily expensive. I bought DP a couple of 30p bars of own brand dark chocolate from sainsburys this week.

Closetbeanmuncher · 25/06/2021 09:10

"I’ll go to do my nails-nail polish gone-go to dd room and it’s all used up and remainder open so gone all gloopy and unusable*

I’ll buy them loads of snacks they eat them all I have one bar of dark chocolate they then eat that too knowing full well it’s mine

I’ll go to take off make up - eye make up remover gone- can’t find it then eventually the empty bottle turns up in a bin

Go to wear some jewellery can’t find pieces I want then will see dd wearing it

Go to put on lipstick - gone- find it a month later shoved behind a cupboard and it’s been smashed up in the tube and ruined

All of this would really piss me off tbh. Yes a lock and mini fridge does seem like the only way.