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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset what WFH has done to DH

395 replies

cappuccinoandcats · 21/06/2021 09:57

All staff in the office where DH works are clearing their desks one morning this week. The office is going to be hotdesking and I'm praying he goes to the office for at least two days a week.
He's making all sorts of excuses. Type 2 diabetes, stairs due his bad knees etc. I'm not buying these excuses. He is currently renovating and removing plaster at the weekends, so he CAN do stairs and carry heavy loads !
He doesn't want to work with unvaccinated. He's had both jabs and I've explained the risk is miniscule.
I just want him out of the house sometime during the working week. AIBU

OP posts:
SuperCaliFragalistic · 22/06/2021 18:52

I think he needs to get back to the office.

Mollymoostoo · 22/06/2021 19:05

YANBU.
I don't think people should take over the house when working from home. We have a right to work life balance and when the home becomes the office there are no boundaries.
My DH is in the same position but me and my daughter work in education so thankfully we are not WFH.
You have the right to have your home as a home and you don't have to justify yourself. We are now in a position where people can safely go back to work and so what if he doesn't want to share a desk...he is expecting you to share your home with his whole office.
If he wants to WFH permanently, he needs to create a workspace that won't impact on the family because it is a home first, not an extension to the workplace.

Thewarrenerswife · 22/06/2021 19:05

Not really that odd to be told what to do by the person paying your wages.

If an employee can work from home productively, and the employer is happy with that, then great. If (as in this case) an employer decides it’s in the best interests of the company to have employees back in the office, and asks them to return, then an employee like OPs DH starts making lame excuses - then yes it’s childish, and he needs to grow up.

He’s inconveniencing his family and his employer and likely pissing his colleagues off.

khakiandcoral · 22/06/2021 19:10

We have a right to work life balance and when the home becomes the office there are no boundaries.

You can talk about YOUR work life balance, you have not right to decide for someone else

khakiandcoral · 22/06/2021 19:12

@Crikeyalmighty

I think one thing few people like to be honest on is not everyone wants their partners around all the time even if it’s a a decent relationship and definitely not if it’s going through iffy times. Some people prefer to see their partners/husbands not 24/7. Personally both being around all the time made me feel like a pensioner and not a very interesting one at that
can I ask HOW working in the same house as your partner is making you feel like a pensioner? Confused
Thewarrenerswife · 22/06/2021 19:12

I’m quite happy with my job thanks, and very proud that we’ve continued through the pandemic. However, you’re quite right that OPs DH is quite welcome to go and get another job, where he is not asked to work in an office. For now though, he has been asked to return to the office, but is making excuses… like a child. So yes, he need to grow up, and either get another job where they’re happy for him to work from home, and find a space that doesn’t impact the rest of the family. What he shouldn’t be doing, is making lame excuses to his employer and hogging the communal space in his family home.

ejhhhhh · 22/06/2021 19:18

I do absolutely get your frustration OP, I hated it when my OH first started working from home. The kids disturbed him, we couldn't have friends round etc. Since we've all got used to it it's been much better though, we don't pussy foot around OH anymore, we just live how we normally would (noise and all), and he's much less uptight about being interrupted. I do think you need to reclaim your home. It is primarily a home, not a workplace, so your OH is going to have to compromise a bit. He may well be worried about his health, I can understand his point of view, but if he's insisting on staying at home when he could go back to the office, he needs to let you live normally in your home. In my experience, no-one on Zoom meetings really cares if kids interrupt them anymore, but if he really needs to be undisturbed for some of the day could he go to a cafe? Is there anywhere at all other than your living room where he can work? Imo it is on him to find a solution that works for all of you, or he goes back to the office.

VaizyCrazyDaizy · 22/06/2021 19:20

I am just the same - I want my house time back! I can’t Hoover or clean when I want as too noisy! So excited as full time work beckons in next few weeks for him!

Cazck · 22/06/2021 19:22

YANBU , not at all. Fully appreciate the situation you are in. Had my husband working from home at various times and constantly had to try and keep kids quiet or go out so as not to disturb him. The living room was also the choice place to work in. I think you have compromised by asking just for a couple of days a week where he goes to the office. After all it is everyone's house not just his new office

khakiandcoral · 22/06/2021 19:28

@VaizyCrazyDaizy

I am just the same - I want my house time back! I can’t Hoover or clean when I want as too noisy! So excited as full time work beckons in next few weeks for him!
Please tell me you are being sarcastic
Comedycook · 22/06/2021 19:29

I'm absolutely praying DH is able to go back to the office during the school summer hols...to be fair, he wants to go back, they just haven't yet. If he doesn't I have no idea how I'll keep sane with him and the kids. It's really hellish trying to keep them quiet and not being able to just let them have the run of the house. I can't cope with six weeks of it

StCharlotte · 22/06/2021 19:32

I live in a Victorian terrace (so you might have the gist of the layout) and I worked from home for eight months over the last year. I have a leaning desk where the turquoise bit is on the landing with a desktop PC. The floor plan isn't my house but it's the same except I don't have a cupboard there, it's just a space about a metre wide. I didn't have any paperwork so didn't need much extra space but maybe you have a nook like this that could be used?

(Oh and I'm also T2 diabetic and I work on the third floor work no lift - couldn't wait to get back to the office Grin)

To be upset what WFH has done to DH
To be upset what WFH has done to DH
milveycrohn · 22/06/2021 19:37

If working from home, you really have to have space away from the dining table, including a proper desk and chair. Also, what if there are video calls, confidential information, etc
Hot desking it getting to be the norm in lots of offices now.
Frankly, even when I had my own desk, I used to wipe down the desk every morning due to the occassional mouse in the office (London), so wiping the desk due to Covid would not be much different, in my opinion.

CrankyFrankie · 22/06/2021 19:38

I felt similarly pre-move when I had new baby and toddler in pokey house and husband (alllllways on calls/meetings) telling us to be quiet all the time; basically we were confined to two rooms of the house (ie the whole of downstairs!). I felt bad resenting him but it was pretty shite. You definitely should be able to confine him to a bedroom at least and be open about needing your house back a couple of days a week/the detrimental effect it’s having on your family life.

OccaChocca · 22/06/2021 19:39

Hot desking is hideous. I don't blame him for not wanting to go back.

He needs to get a dedicated office space sorted at home. It's not rocket science, is it?

Joelijane · 22/06/2021 19:40

Oh jesus, I'd hate that, he should go. Shit that he doesn't have self awareness of the impact of him monopolising the only reception space you have, that your having to tiptoe around him.

Joelijane · 22/06/2021 19:41

Actually could he cut a compromise and work from another room a few times a week or so?

Notreallyhappy · 22/06/2021 19:42

I feel your pain. I have one who lives in the kitchen

FatSams · 22/06/2021 19:54

I have been in your husbands position and I’d be pissed if my DH had told me to go back to work.

You need to find a compromise here, but I don’t think he should automatically have to go back to work so you can have space during the day.

FatSams · 22/06/2021 19:55

Also, if your son is 15 surely he is at school during your DHs working hours? And where do you go if he has friends round?

FatSams · 22/06/2021 19:56

Apologies, just reread that you’ve said in the summer

thesevenhillsofhome · 22/06/2021 19:57

@Comedycook exactly !

Benjispruce3 · 22/06/2021 20:01

Perhaps look into a work shed.

Nocutenamesleft · 22/06/2021 20:07

I agree with a poster who says that adults don’t have the right to tell other adults what to do. I’m a huge fan of that.

However choices made as an adult do have consequences. So working from home will have louder children etc. I don’t think it’s fair on the non adults. Who can’t choose as such. To not be able to feel relaxed ag home.

His fear isn’t irrational. Covid is here. I feel out supporting roles as humans have almost disappeared. It’s sad.

I’d have a good word with him. Try and tell him that you completely understand his views. Why he feels this way and how acceptable it is to feel this way. But can he also understand that it’s really hard having to pussy foot round him. That the children want friends over etc. Must be some compromise.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 22/06/2021 20:08

@milveycrohn

If working from home, you really have to have space away from the dining table, including a proper desk and chair. Also, what if there are video calls, confidential information, etc Hot desking it getting to be the norm in lots of offices now. Frankly, even when I had my own desk, I used to wipe down the desk every morning due to the occassional mouse in the office (London), so wiping the desk due to Covid would not be much different, in my opinion.
We were sent an email reminding us about confidential calls. I read it, filed it and ignored it. What do they expect me to do, make DH sit in the garden if I'm on a call?!