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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset what WFH has done to DH

395 replies

cappuccinoandcats · 21/06/2021 09:57

All staff in the office where DH works are clearing their desks one morning this week. The office is going to be hotdesking and I'm praying he goes to the office for at least two days a week.
He's making all sorts of excuses. Type 2 diabetes, stairs due his bad knees etc. I'm not buying these excuses. He is currently renovating and removing plaster at the weekends, so he CAN do stairs and carry heavy loads !
He doesn't want to work with unvaccinated. He's had both jabs and I've explained the risk is miniscule.
I just want him out of the house sometime during the working week. AIBU

OP posts:
speakout · 22/06/2021 18:18

This thread has made me feel quite bad about working in the living room. It is the best space for me, but my workstuff is out most of the time. It does get pushed to one side in the evening and if I take breaks gets put away entirely. However other people can still use the space ( it's quite large) and will often watch movies or chat on the phone while I am working ( my job doesn't involve any phone use).
I am wondering if my activities bug other family members more than I think?

Thewarrenerswife · 22/06/2021 18:20

YANBU

It’s okay to be worried, but just imagine if everyone who has had to continue going in to work was too worried to go in, and chose to camp out in their sitting room instead.

This kind of bs ‘anxiety’ is a luxury many of us can’t afford… and it’s a good job, because if we could the country would be in a state of anarchy and misery.

OP’s husband needs to grow up and get back to work like the rest of his colleagues. Employers are also getting hacked off with this nonsense. Right now he will not be being perceived as a team player.

BellsaRinging · 22/06/2021 18:20

@lavenderandwisteria no of course not! Happy they are enjoying their holidays when they can. Just being frank that when I subsequently hear dp moaning about my presence in the dining room working restricting the noise they can make/meaning that they can't play on the PlayStation that is in there it's a bit....annoying. especially when I'm not exactly enjoying what I'm doing.
Generally I think everyone's wound up about the continuing restrictions and the way we're all having to work and live in a different way. I know I'm biting my tongue a lot, and I'm sure dp and the children are too. Obviously that's the case for a lot of others on here too!

Geekynzmum · 22/06/2021 18:21

I WFH 4 days a week and am in the lounge. I just put headphones in and listen to music when it's noisy. If I'm on a call and can't hear properly then I tell my DH and DD to quieten down, which they will do until I'm finished.

With regards to going back to the office, I agree with others that some of it will be fear. All he needs to do is go in for a day just to see how he feels as once he's in he might actually enjoy being back and seeing familiar faces.
I was apprehensive about going back in 1 day a week at first, but now I love it as it gives me a change of scenery and I get to see people other than my DH and DD.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 22/06/2021 18:25

MN poster looks around their own spacious detached five-bed in confusion.

“Why can’t he just work in one of the spare bedrooms, or the snug or the stables? I don’t understand?”

Posts like this make me laugh. 😂

This exactly!

lavenderandwisteria · 22/06/2021 18:26

No I do understand that bells and I was probably a bit sharper than I meant to be.

Can’t you go in a bedroom speakout?

Plumbuddle · 22/06/2021 18:30

@Thewarrenerswife

YANBU

It’s okay to be worried, but just imagine if everyone who has had to continue going in to work was too worried to go in, and chose to camp out in their sitting room instead.

This kind of bs ‘anxiety’ is a luxury many of us can’t afford… and it’s a good job, because if we could the country would be in a state of anarchy and misery.

OP’s husband needs to grow up and get back to work like the rest of his colleagues. Employers are also getting hacked off with this nonsense. Right now he will not be being perceived as a team player.

"Grow up and get back to work"???? The man IS working. Just in an environment he prefers. Why is that childish? In lockdown, I have saved 3-4 hours per day travel, £100pcm fares, unpleasant work buildings with dirty loos and a few difficult clients/colleagues (as compared to the mostly lovely ones). Oh and also avoided spreading or catching disease. Just because some employers hold the whip hand so that some employees are having to go back to a working lifestyle that they don't really like because they don't have an economic choice, that does not make those people more adult. It just makes them more in the control of their employers. Very odd idea that it's more "grown up" to have to do what your employer tells you even if you don't want to!
speakout · 22/06/2021 18:31

*lavenderandwisteria

Can’t you go in a bedroom speakout?*

The bedrooms are occupied- plus I have a rather large amount of stuff- craft supplies that -I need on hand when I am working. I keep some of it in cupboards in the living room ( so largely out of sight), the rest in the garage.
Working in an upstairs bedrom wouldn't work - I need too many bits and bobs on hand.
I am waiting for an older child to move out so I can claim a bedroom as a working space!
My family haven;t complained, but I think it would drive me nuts if someone else was doing it.

khakiandcoral · 22/06/2021 18:32

@Thewarrenerswife

YANBU

It’s okay to be worried, but just imagine if everyone who has had to continue going in to work was too worried to go in, and chose to camp out in their sitting room instead.

This kind of bs ‘anxiety’ is a luxury many of us can’t afford… and it’s a good job, because if we could the country would be in a state of anarchy and misery.

OP’s husband needs to grow up and get back to work like the rest of his colleagues. Employers are also getting hacked off with this nonsense. Right now he will not be being perceived as a team player.

bollocks to that.

Before the pandemic, I already tried to WFH as much as I could.
The ONE good thing from Covid is having shown to employers how efficient people can be in jobs suitable for a home environment, and how being forced in an office makes no sense for many. Many work places have already spent all they needed to kit people out.

If workers prefer to WFH and it's possible, of course they should.

If you are in an industry where it's not possible, then feel free to join the rest of us and change job. You don't get to tell your partner they have to leave the house.

If a husband was telling his wife he doesn't want to see her during the day and she must get out of his way ,there would be an uproar!

lavenderandwisteria · 22/06/2021 18:33

Well, I haven’t complained to dp but I do privately wish he’d work elsewhere!

lavenderandwisteria · 22/06/2021 18:34

khaki that IS what is happening though.

Okay they aren’t explicitly saying it but it leaves you with no choice in the matter.

khakiandcoral · 22/06/2021 18:34

speakout
If your family doesn't have to tip toe or behave differently around you, why should they be bothered? What difference does it make if you are working, cooking or on your laptop chatting on MN?

khakiandcoral · 22/06/2021 18:36

I know quite a few companies that have now sold their London office! At least some employers have gone with the modern world and accepted that things were changing.

Even if people wanted to go in the office, there's isn't one there anymore Grin

speakout · 22/06/2021 18:37

khakiandcoral Because I make a huge amount of mess and clutter. Work in progress, packing, piles stuff.My living room is never tidy and serene.

lavenderandwisteria · 22/06/2021 18:37

khaki it really does make a difference though.

When someone is using a communal area to work in, that area stops being an area of relaxation and enjoyment.

I mean, I’m sure speak knows her family better than I do Wink but I feel very stifled by DP being in the dining room all day.

khakiandcoral · 22/06/2021 18:38

@speakout

khakiandcoral Because I make a huge amount of mess and clutter. Work in progress, packing, piles stuff.My living room is never tidy and serene.
I can't speak for your family, but my own kids wouldn't even notice Grin
khakiandcoral · 22/06/2021 18:39

When someone is using a communal area to work in, that area stops being an area of relaxation and enjoyment.

depends what they are doing! It has never bothered any of us.
If you are not banned from the entire area or have to tip toe, what's the problem?

lavenderandwisteria · 22/06/2021 18:41

I suppose in the same way that if someone came to a family pub lunch with a laptop and had a zoom call.

They might say oh carry on! Make all the noise you want! Ignore me!

But it’s easier said than done.

speakout · 22/06/2021 18:42

I can't speak for your family, but my own kids wouldn't even notice haha.

*lavenderandwisteria
it really does make a difference though.

When someone is using a communal area to work in, that area stops being an area of relaxation and enjoyment.*

I think that's the point. My living room is rarely a place of relaxation and enjoyment. It is preominantly a workroom.
Even when I "down tools" and OH have a glass of wine and a chat at the weekend the workstuff still lies around.
I have asked other family members if they mind- and the say they don't, but I know that I mind when OH takes over the dining room for a week with some work project-usually building servers/lots of wires/boxes. I don;t like it at all!!

lavenderandwisteria · 22/06/2021 18:43

It sounds like you own an Etsy type business which is probably a bit different to the zoom meetings and phone calls and sitting at the laptop type WFH.

BrumCahoots · 22/06/2021 18:44

We are going back soon .. some days in the office and some at home .. we will have to book desks .. cleaning has been fantastic though as a few people have been working in the office .. masks on to walk around. Constant sanitising ... I doubt hot decking will be as grim as it was before ... has he checked wit workplace for cleaning protocols etc .. you aren't being unreasonable ...

ScissorsBike · 22/06/2021 18:46

He should work in the bedroom. It's wild that he works in the shared family space doenstairs!

BrumCahoots · 22/06/2021 18:47

Oops ... typos ... not hot decking obvs.. though it would probably be nice to work on hot decking

speakout · 22/06/2021 18:48

lavenderandwisteria
It sounds like you own an Etsy type business which is probably a bit different to the zoom meetings and phone calls and sitting at the laptop type WFH.
Yes I do- that type of business.

Crikeyalmighty · 22/06/2021 18:50

I think one thing few people like to be honest on is not everyone wants their partners around all the time even if it’s a a decent relationship and definitely not if it’s going through iffy times. Some people prefer to see their partners/husbands not 24/7. Personally both being around all the time made me feel like a pensioner and not a very interesting one at that