To feel a bit sad for my DS 16

[MagnificentBottom]

My DS 16, just left school. He’s not academic, didn’t like school or get particularly good exam grades, messed around a lot, hung around with the more ‘spirited’, but he’s essentially a good person who has a good heart. His girlfriend is very bright, just got great GCSE results and this weekend her friend organised a party to celebrate leaving school.
My DS was not invited, when she asked why she was told it was because he was in the wrong ‘friendship group’ and others felt intimidated by his presence. She also said that people generally when they see him deliberately walk on the other side of the road to avoid him. He’s tall, wears hoodies and a base ball cap. AIBU to think this is incredibly petty or are teenagers generally this fickle?

In all honesty, if it's a different friendship group and your son and his mates are the "hoodie & baseball cap" crowd, then I can see why none of them were invited. That's MY bias showing - hoodie & baseball caps on mid-late teen boys sets my nerves jangling. It's hardly known to be the "uniform" of the respectful kindhearted lads, is it. :(

My own DS is now 13 and, because it's winter here, has started wearing his hoodie up in the house - I REALLY don''t like it. I have banned him entirely from wearing a baseball cap with it though, and explained why. He'll probably do it when I'm not around, but he'll not do it when I can see him.

Of course, ALL the lads who are invited to the party could also be hoodie & baseball cap wearers, who knows - but that would be a negative in my eyes, so I'm just offering a perspective.

@SofiaMichelle

Involved in drugs. Poor exam results. Hangs around with disruptive trouble causers. Perceived as intimidating.

As someone else said, there'll be a lot of pupils/students breathing a sigh of relief that most of that type will be gone next term so they can get on with their academic careers without interruption.

Lots to be proud of...

Yes, he has done a lot that I am proud of, although I don’t think I’ve mentioned it here

[quote SnappedAndFarted18]@MagnificentBottom lmao I’m grand thank you & wow well If you’re so very confident & happy with your parenting then your whole thread was clearly a waste of time wasn’t it 😌😁[/quote]
Yes I think I do agree with that, a complete waste of time!

Just setting up camp 🏕 for the deletion message 😊

@MagnificentBottom hmm I don’t think your intention was to really gauge some advice I think you posted in the hope that people on here would just agree with you & tell you what a poor little lamb your son is for being seen as intimidating & not being invited to the party but now you see the complete opposite of what you expected you’re just on some form of wind up tbh anyway you crack on as you are after all you sound like you’ve done such an amazing job so far 🙄😌

The die has been cast, OP. Your son has a life in and out of prison to look forward to, but seeing as you are not troubled by this, neither are we!

[quote SnappedAndFarted18]@MagnificentBottom hmm I don’t think your intention was to really gauge some advice I think you posted in the hope that people on here would just agree with you & tell you what a poor little lamb your son is for being seen as intimidating & not being invited to the party but now you see the complete opposite of what you expected you’re just on some form of wind up tbh anyway you crack on as you are after all you sound like you’ve done such an amazing job so far 🙄😌[/quote]
Not at all, although at this point I think things (on the thread) have run it’s course. My son is not a poor little lamb at all. I don’t know why some posters are so rude?!

@PiersPlowman

The die has been cast, OP. Your son has a life in and out of prison to look forward to, but seeing as you are not troubled by this, neither are we!

Do you not think based on the information in this thread that’s a little dramatic?

@PiersPlowman

The die has been cast, OP. Your son has a life in and out of prison to look forward to, but seeing as you are not troubled by this, neither are we!

Couldn’t have said it better myself @PiersPlowman

@MagnificentBottom good luck with your son hopefully he’ll be able to turn his life around but I doubt very much it’ll be from you guiding him in the right direction as you really do seem to give no fucks !!

In and out of prison 🤣🤣

[quote SnappedAndFarted18]@MagnificentBottom good luck with your son hopefully he’ll be able to turn his life around but I doubt very much it’ll be from you guiding him in the right direction as you really do seem to give no fucks !![/quote]
Of course I do, I just got him a job which will give him a lucrative career

You’re very defensive OP yet it’s clear that there are signals that your DS needs to evaluate his friends, behaviours and how he comes across. By the sounds of him, and your responses and reactions, I’d be encouraging my DD to stay well clear of him too.

“Of course I do, I just got him a job which will give him a lucrative career“

Slinging dope and throwing up gang signs.

Nice trolling OP! Almost as good as your “son’s” GCSE grades.

OP I'm with you! This thread is terrible and not real life! I think you've unfortunately attracted the wrong crowd here.

I live in a big city in the South East. My 17yo DS is at the top performing 6th form college. He and his friends are all getting good results, but yes, they all smoke weed and drink alcohol excessively on occasion. Some of the higher achievers push further and go to raves in London and take MDMA. They've all got jobs too.

I would take yourself off this thread and speak to real life friends and acquaintances as you've really nothing to gain from your well intended post that's ended up in the hands of sadly very sheltered posters.

I hope this isn't a wind up but the replys on this are awful!
Her DS is 16 and smokes weed every 2 weeks, he appears intimidating to the academic kids but he's GF likes him and she is a bright girl by all accounts.
His mates seem like they are just not interested in school and nowhere has is been said they are "thugs"
What horrible judgments to make about a 16 year boy. He hardly sounds like a criminal in the making.
There's absolutely nothing whatsoever wrong with not being academic and not enjoying school. Nothing wrong at all with leaving school and getting a job.
Not everyone can be academic 😒
His GF is within her rights to not invite him but maybe her mates ,, who have been assumed to be all girls? Why? Are boys who have nothing in common with him and feel intimidated.

@JanuaryJonez

OP I'm with you! This thread is terrible and not real life! I think you've unfortunately attracted the wrong crowd here.

I live in a big city in the South East. My 17yo DS is at the top performing 6th form college. He and his friends are all getting good results, but yes, they all smoke weed and drink alcohol excessively on occasion. Some of the higher achievers push further and go to raves in London and take MDMA. They've all got jobs too.

I would take yourself off this thread and speak to real life friends and acquaintances as you've really nothing to gain from your well intended post that's ended up in the hands of sadly very sheltered posters.

Definitely!! Some of these responses are embarrassing!

Has anyone considered they don't want him going because he's from Wales?

Sheesh, a flippant post asking if teenage girls are being petty and its character assassination time. We are far too focused on educational attainment in this country. Sounds like he'll be fine, probably be a manager in his early twenties with his own place, employing the students he went to school with who are coming out of uni with devalued degrees and cant get a proper job to pay their massive debts off because too many people go to university now for the actual number of available jobs that need a degree (I'm not just making that up as an unsubstantiated guess). Or maybe he'll just be happy and satisfied with his life rather than disatsisfied because he was expecting to be earning gazillions after devoting much of his childhood life to memorising uselss knowledge.

Yaki da

“ My 17yo DS is at the top performing 6th form college. He and his friends are all getting good results, but yes, they all smoke weed and drink alcohol excessively on occasion. Some of the higher achievers push further and go to raves in London and take MDMA. They've all got jobs too.”

So, here we have it: expecting one’s offspring to refrain from substance abuse and criminal activity is “sheltered”.

Clearly the concepts of civic duty and responsibility is an anathema to some. Others it seems, believe that other people and indeed life itself itself exists only for the entitled and exploitative. Rules? Other people? F* ‘em. Gimme what’s mine by right.

You are over thinking this, op. They are very young people, having just done GCSEs, and will voice their misgivings about others, however vague.

Remember that someone who has a party is entitled not to invite all and sundry. It wasn't just your son who was excluded, from what you say quite few boys were. If the girl finds him (+ friends) 'intimidating', just accept that she does. She is young and as entitled to her feelings as much as anyone. There are also her parents (presuming the party was at her home), who may be over curious about with whom their daughter is associating & who comes to their house. It's just easier for her to not invite them.

I can remember finding a lot of boys intimidating when I was their age.

You seem a bit angry. Everything ok? I’m very confident and happy with my parenting

@MagnificentBottom Really? Your DS has dropped out of education and is hanging out with stoner shoplifters and taking drugs.

I just got him a job which will give him a lucrative career

We'll see. Maybe you had to get him a job because he couldn't get one on his own merits.

@Brokenheartedad Did you miss the drugs and crime bit?

sadly very sheltered posters.

@misssunshine4040 I live in an inner city tower block, that's why I don't like this stuff, I've seen too much. I had a pleasant walk to the corner shop in the sun a while back.....

And saw a young man bleeding to death outside the shop after a drug-gang related drive by shooting.

There are a lot of intimidating looking blokes round here as well. Girls are sensible if they know to avoid them.

@me4real

No, I saw it but I assume its not to fund their criminal lifestyle. A bit of weed? Shoplifting is not right but from my experience it happens a lot with certain teenagers who see it as a challenge and a laugh. Defo not right and horrid for the shopkeepers but it doesn;t indicate a future of prison.

I have a good friend who dropped out of school early (didn;t realise he was dyslexic), was into drugs from an early stage but now has three very pleasant grown up children, is a very excellent consultant and a millionaire.

“ I have a good friend who dropped out of school early (didn;t realise he was dyslexic), was into drugs from an early stage but now has three very pleasant grown up children, is a very excellent consultant and a millionaire.”

The exception does not prove the rule. A criminal record may disqualify one from any employment where an employer does a background check. This goes doubly for crimes which involve dishonesty i.e. fraud and THEFT.

So he wouldn't invite any of her friends to a party he was having, as they aren't his friends. He hangs around with shoplifters, smokes weed, and you find his friends funny. Good for you. Her friends obviously don't and don't want to associate with him. He said he doesn't care, and you're being glib to most people who are replying. His girlfriends friends don't like him, his actions, and what he does- seems pretty reasonable. The only unreasonable thing is how much you seem to accept it. He is not someone that kids want to be around because he's intimidating, and his behaviours aren't acceptable unless you're also into smoking drugs and nicking things.......I'd be more upset that my son was someone like that, than blame a kid not wanting to hang around someone like this.

Is spirited another word for badly behaved?