To wonder why people judge young parents so much?

[coal0]

My neighbours son and his girlfriend have a little boy, I think he's about 5/6 months now, he's a lovely baby. They all live with my neighbour as her son and his girlfriend are both young. I just can't believe how many people judge! When the baby was first born, my neighbour told me and was being judgy by saying she felt sorry for the baby.

Anyway, earlier the baby was crying outside and his dad was trying to calm him down and he did eventually, he apologised to me after he calmed him down as he noticed I was out. I told him it was fine and he's doing a good job etc. My neighbour then told me that he can't look after his own baby, which is nonsense! I explained to her that the baby would've been crying regardless of his age and that my DD cried constantly as a baby and I had her in my 30s, my neighbour then went back in her house tutting at me.

Why do young parents get judged so much?!

I think anyone of any age can be a good parent or a bad parent but I guess the judgement comes from them living with their parents (you say they all live with the neighbour?) as ideally adult children should have their own home and a stable income before having children themselves. But it isn’t a perfect world is it….

I don't judge them, and I'm sure that many do a great job as parents. If I'm honest, though, I do often pity them - I think they miss out on so much. I love being a parent but I would be really sad for my dd if she became a parent very young.

I suppose it’s because it’s so unnecessary.
The assumption is that very young people are not financially settled, career is not established, life has not been lived and the future is mapped out once a baby has arrived.

There’s nothing anywhere that says that young parents are not good parents though.

I had my eldest at sixteen, two weeks after sitting my exams, got a full time, good job when she was a month old, had my own home, just got on with the job of being the best Mum I could be although I had no experience of young children; didn’t have much choice as my parents had disowned me when I told them I was pregnant! Years later, she is a highly qualified professional and rather wealthy…I’d love the people in my small home town to know as I know they judged. In my case, the ones I’ve always felt were poor quality parents were my own, sadly.
Young single Mums were vilified by Thatcher, people seem to believe they have it easy which I’ve never understood the logic of as most adults know how relentlessly hard parenting can be. Young fathers are almost expected to not step up to their responsibilities, which is also bizarre. I’ve never understood how so many people can be as judgemental as they are.

I don't judge young parents as being bad parents. I'm sure many are absolutely fantastic. I judge them in the sense that I think it's a bit sad for them to be tied down so young.

I just feel sorry for them. I agree with imaginethemdragons and that they are missing out on just enjoying being young and carefree.

@Bagelsandbrie

I think anyone of any age can be a good parent or a bad parent but I guess the judgement comes from them living with their parents (you say they all live with the neighbour?) as ideally adult children should have their own home and a stable income before having children themselves. But it isn’t a perfect world is it….

This.

The only thing I'd judge in the situation is that they've failed to provide a home for themselves before bringing offspring into the world.
They're kids with kids .. otherwise they'd be independent before they had children, not living off and with mammy & daddy.

There's a tremendous degree of entitlement, irresponsibility and lack of maturity in that.

Hmmm... I hate this

I was a (relatively) young parent and experienced similar.

Judgy fuckers

Depends on how young and situation. My friend and her husband worked from age 16 and got their own house at 20, married at 21 then baby at 22. They both work, hold down jobs. But perhaps not many young parents are so fortunate.

Do you feel that you have missed out on anything @FrameyMcFrame?

How young is young op?
I'd assume judgement comes from - underage sex; unprotected sex when you're not planning a child; presumed lack of life experience; inability to provide their own home for child; inability to pay for own child; low educational levels/giving up education leading to poorer life chances and choices for them and kids; assumption it's for a council home; assumption it's because they don't want "more"

As a young mum myself I'm sick of people being judgy. About to turn 21 with a 11 month old, have a home & a job and have done since I was 17 but people still try to criticise. I have always and will always do my best for my baby boy no matter what age.

The youngest Mum i know ( when dc was born ).she was incredibly unhappy , she is a much happier person but never got the career she dreamed off.

She is an amazing mum but still think she missed out on things.i think she has felt judged although isn't.

Your neighbour has no idea.

I wouldn’t judge by age - I’ll be honest and say I judge any one of any age who actively tries for a baby or isn’t careful about contraception when they have no financial means support the basic needs of child and it’s then left to others to provide a roof over their head.

I suspect that the judgement often comes from individuals knowing that they wouldn't have been ready for parenthood themselves at such an early age. I certainly wouldn't have been - I was still growing up myself until my mid twenties. It isn't fair to judge on that basis, though. Some people are incredibly mature in their teens whereas others have barely matured by well into middle age.

I don’t judge them as parents unless I know them. One of the most selfless and brilliant parents I know had her son at 16.
However, some of the most ineffectual parents I know were also teenage parents.
That kind of responsibility at that age tends to make or break you.

I suspect that the judgement often comes from individuals knowing that they wouldn't have been ready for parenthood themselves at such an early age

I think you have hit the nail on the head here. At 16 I was sitting my O levels, and stayed on at school to do A levels. I wouldn't have been ready for parenthood at that age.

Depends on what you consider young but no I wouldn’t judge two parents raising a child on age alone.

@Comedycook

I don't judge young parents as being bad parents. I'm sure many are absolutely fantastic. I judge them in the sense that I think it's a bit sad for them to be tied down so young.

This x 100.

I generally feel sorry for young parents simply because once you’re a parent that’s it, you have responsibilities and demands and financial constraints and you always, always will have.

I always feel that your teens and early twenties should be a carefree fun time, not bogged down with babies.

That said, though, I have several friends who deliberately chose to be young parents (had babies at 19/20) and they have no regrets and they were/are amazing parents. I certainly would never judge young parents as not being able to cope.

Even so, I’d still rather my DC waited till late twenties / early thirties before having DC of their own.

Young parents aren’t bad parents by default however; part of being a parent is being financially able to support your family and by living at home that would imply that they can’t

Oh and people judge everything- it’s called an opinion, never understood why it’s so bad to judge something

I think it's often because the teenagers are not established financially and are reliant on their own dps or the taxpayer. They may have not finished their education and it can seem irresponsible if the dc is unplanned

How young is young?

I judge them for not having safe sex knowing they have no means to provide for a baby and are often still living at home meaning Nanny/Grandad ends up having to provide for the baby.

Of course as a PP states this isnt always the case, and it sounds like she and her daughter have done amazing, but that's not the "norm"

That's not to say they're not great parents, and dont love their children. But children need more than love, how can a 14/15/16 to provide that?