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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To save a bit of the meal for my own DD?

287 replies

FathersDayMeal · 19/06/2021 21:24

I am going to my dads tomorrow to cook a meal for me, my DF and sibling for Father’s Day. I’m a single parent and my own DD (aged almost 7) will be with my ExH for the day (as is right).

I have paid for everything to do with the meal and will be cooking it in my slow cooker tonight. The only thing I will do at my DFs is cook the vegetables and finish off the meat in his oven to crisp it and warm it up. The only ingredients my DF or sibling will provide is the condiments like mustard, and the plates it’ll be eaten off, that’s it.

When arranging the meal I said I was happy to pay for it all but I would like to save a bit of meat and vegetables for DD – it should be my weekend with her and I always do us a roast dinner, ExH will not feed her (I provide for her on his weekends as well) so she will have the roast when she comes home. I thought this was a fair compromise, my DD eats very little so there will still be loads for my DF and sibling.

My DF is fine with this but my sibling thinks that because DD won’t be at the meal she shouldn’t get any. They think ExH should feed her which I agree with but the only time ExH ever feeds DD is if they go passed a mcdonalds on the way to or from somewhere - there’s a big park about 15 miles from us he likes to take DD to and they go on the way back from there as there isn’t a mcdonalds in our town), never any other time apart from maybe a sandwich – he has her for 1 overnight EOW and I send meals for him to reheat for DD otherwise he gives her a ham sandwich and not much else.

So AIBU to expect some of the meal I am paying for and cooking to be given to my DD?

Or is my Sibling right and I should make her a seperate meal when she comes back from ExHs?

YANBU - Save some food
YABU - Make something else later

OP posts:
championthewonderhorse70 · 19/06/2021 22:44

I think it's unanimous about keeping food for your DD

Can we move onto the more important bit where your DDs dad doesn't feed her? I mean wtaf.
Why not, Does he live on a park bench or something?

Annofgreengables25 · 19/06/2021 22:46

Your DF might be grateful for the leftovers but is too polite to say. The real problem is your ex not being able to provide a healthy home cooked meal for your dd.

Classica · 19/06/2021 22:46

I agree that I don't know how this even became a conversation in the first place. Just do it.

Torvean · 19/06/2021 22:46

OP I get the feeling that ppl take advantage of your kind nature

Time to put your foot down.

callmeadoctor · 19/06/2021 22:47

Not sure who is weirder tbh, both sound crazy. Your ex should either feed child properly or not be allowed visiting rights.

ohdearjack · 19/06/2021 22:49

That's very bizarre that your sibling has an issue with that. Of course take a plate home for your little girl to eat. Even if your sibling was paying for the meal, I couldn't imagine why they would begrudge their niece a plate of nice home cooked meal Confused How strange. Take your daughter her dinner home and fuck your sibling to be honest. The arrangement between you and your ex is nothing to do with them either. Make sure and nab her some dessert if there's any too Wink

HollowTalk · 19/06/2021 22:50

Two issues here:

Your ex is a nasty, selfish cheapskate who can't even feed his own child.

Your sibling is a nasty, selfish, greedy person who would take food from a child.

Put your daughter first and yourself second. Tell your ex that if he doesn't give his child food then he won't see her. Tell your sibling to shut the fuck up - if they want food, they can buy it themselves.

AgathaAllAlong · 19/06/2021 22:50

Absolute insanity. Even without the complicated backstory it's totally normal to save a plate of a special meal for family that can't be there. SIL has on occasion saved a plate for her BF when we eat at the in-laws (she cooks, he works so misses it) never occurred to anyone to question it!

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 19/06/2021 22:51

OP I also get the feeling that people take advantage of your kind nature. The subject didn't ever need to be discussed

Your DD is lucky to have you, considering that neither her father nor her aunt want to give her any dinner tomorrow Sad Fucking disgusting of them.

WrongWayApricot · 19/06/2021 22:56

I've heard it all now 😂

Lorw · 19/06/2021 22:56

Tbh your sibling isn’t the big issue here. The big issue here is that your Ex can’t feed his own child and expects you to cook him all her meals and he only has her one night! I’m pretty sure he would be feeding himself so he should be able to feed his little girl.

Anythingelseintheboxpandora · 19/06/2021 22:56

Why won't your ex bloody feed his own child angry? I hope he falls down a hole somewhere and has to survive three days solely on rainwater with no food

That escalated quickly…

Hollywolly1 · 19/06/2021 22:58

By any chance is your sister very greedy around food,I mean like wtf, who would expect back a dinner for a childHmm

Hollywolly1 · 19/06/2021 22:59

Keep back not expect

Hollywolly1 · 19/06/2021 22:59

Who wouldn't keep back a dinner for a child

Notmoresugar · 19/06/2021 23:01

You're sister's greed and selfishness is very ugly.

AMCoffeePMWine · 19/06/2021 23:03

Don’t ask permission to do this. Just take food home for your child. It’s your food. You’re ex sounds terrible, I’m sorry you have to deal with this.

WorraLiberty · 19/06/2021 23:04

How do we know the sibling is her sister?

Not that it matters but I've scrolled back and all I can see is 'sibling'?

EscapeToTheMountains · 19/06/2021 23:06

Yeah, a lot of weirdos in your life, OP. Your sibling is absolutely, bizarrely selfish and greedy to begrudge their niece a small portion of the food that you are providing and preparing, and your ex is a pathetic excuse for a father, if he can't manage to feed his child on his own. I'm not sure he does deserve to have her for Father's Day, if he can't manage to keep her fed!

Lollypop4 · 19/06/2021 23:08

Your sibling is wrong .
I also wouldnt let my DC with their DF if they were not feeding them.

Lovenahla · 19/06/2021 23:09

This is all weird, you are definitely not the wrong one

FreekStar · 19/06/2021 23:09

What a weird post OP- if you have paid for and cooked the food then why are you even mentioning it it to anyone else- surely it's not up to them how much you cook and who you give it to? Odd!

WorraLiberty · 19/06/2021 23:13

Any thoughts on the replies so far OP?

Cherrysoup · 19/06/2021 23:15

As a pp said, take put a portion for you and your dd so you can eat together later. Your sibling’s issues should not impact this.

Your ex needs to step the fuck up, bloody hell, how useless!

lborgia · 19/06/2021 23:21

I know this is possibly victim blaming, but you won’t get past moments like this until you do some work on yourself.

Have you ever sought any advice/counselling on how your family dynamics work? How to deal with exh etc.?

There is absolutely no way you should be worrying about any of this, it’s a non subject, and the fact that you’re giving it any headspace at all must be exhausting.

I’ve no idea where you would start with advice and support in the UK, but you need some. Please look after yourself, you are the most important person.