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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To save a bit of the meal for my own DD?

287 replies

FathersDayMeal · 19/06/2021 21:24

I am going to my dads tomorrow to cook a meal for me, my DF and sibling for Father’s Day. I’m a single parent and my own DD (aged almost 7) will be with my ExH for the day (as is right).

I have paid for everything to do with the meal and will be cooking it in my slow cooker tonight. The only thing I will do at my DFs is cook the vegetables and finish off the meat in his oven to crisp it and warm it up. The only ingredients my DF or sibling will provide is the condiments like mustard, and the plates it’ll be eaten off, that’s it.

When arranging the meal I said I was happy to pay for it all but I would like to save a bit of meat and vegetables for DD – it should be my weekend with her and I always do us a roast dinner, ExH will not feed her (I provide for her on his weekends as well) so she will have the roast when she comes home. I thought this was a fair compromise, my DD eats very little so there will still be loads for my DF and sibling.

My DF is fine with this but my sibling thinks that because DD won’t be at the meal she shouldn’t get any. They think ExH should feed her which I agree with but the only time ExH ever feeds DD is if they go passed a mcdonalds on the way to or from somewhere - there’s a big park about 15 miles from us he likes to take DD to and they go on the way back from there as there isn’t a mcdonalds in our town), never any other time apart from maybe a sandwich – he has her for 1 overnight EOW and I send meals for him to reheat for DD otherwise he gives her a ham sandwich and not much else.

So AIBU to expect some of the meal I am paying for and cooking to be given to my DD?

Or is my Sibling right and I should make her a seperate meal when she comes back from ExHs?

YANBU - Save some food
YABU - Make something else later

OP posts:
Thecatsawinner · 19/06/2021 22:16

You need to address the situation with your ex not feeding your DD.

Maggiesfarm · 19/06/2021 22:16

@Comedycook

It's really odd that anyone would have an issue with this...of course it's fine to save some food for your dd
I agree and can't understand why your brother doesn't. That's rather mean of him in my opinion.
ineedaholidaynow · 19/06/2021 22:18

How did this conversation even come up?

Waspsarearseholes · 19/06/2021 22:20

The only words your dad and sibling have any business saying about this is, thank you so much for cooking for us. Your greedy sibling can get to fuck with their anxiety about not being able to eat themselves sick at a meal you are providing for them. How fucking dare they suggest that you can't feed your child our of this large roast you're providing because they are anxious they might not be able to eat enough themselves? I actually couldn't have anything to do with my sibling if they ever came out with shit like this. They'd be uninvited to this meal. Let them cool themselves dinner tomorrow.
It's extremely shocking that your ex won't feed his child. That needs to change PDQ.
Are you a people pleaser, OP? I'm just curious as to why you felt the need to check if you could feed your child with food you have bought and cooked and why you enable your ex to get away with not feeding his child.

gamerchick · 19/06/2021 22:21

I can't wrap my head around letting a kid go somewhere where she won't be fed by the other parent. Like brain boggles Hmm

ICECream821 · 19/06/2021 22:22

Hands down the weirdest thread ever!
Your ex is a twat and should feed your daughter healthy meals!
Your sibling needs to just keep his/her belly (sorry nose) out of it - and why on earth is this even a conversation. Although I agree with your sibling that your ex should feed your daughter but I get the feeling your sibling is only saying that cos they’ll go hungry lol

massiveportion · 19/06/2021 22:22

Is this for real? What do you mean that your child's father doesn't feed her??

MyCatHatesEverybody · 19/06/2021 22:22

I'm guessing OP mentioned it because she wants to put aside some of the veg etc that she's prepping/cooking at her DF's house otherwise of course she'd just portion it off before she took it along to her dad's.

OP tell your sibling to pay for their share of the dinner then you can use the cash to buy your DD the separate meal they think DD ought to be having Wink

RaginaFalangi · 19/06/2021 22:24

Your sibling is weird, why wouldn't you feed your own child?
However in thing her dad should be feeding her, surely it's not that difficult to put food in the oven and wait 20/30 minutes for it to be cooked.

Sparklfairy · 19/06/2021 22:24

I know a couple of people like this. Even if there's plenty of food, if an unexpected guest turns up they get into a big flap and panic that there won't be enough Confused

In their cases, they're greedy and have already decided how much of the food is 'theirs' and literally can't bear the thought of having to lose part of their 'share'. Cant speak for the logic of your sibling obviously.

johndwyershair · 19/06/2021 22:24

Begrudging child's portion of meat and spuds? I've never heard anything so ridiculous. Why on earth are you even asking permission?

As for your ex he needs a bloody good talking to. It's hardly cooking on masterchef to stick some fish fingers and waffles under a grill and boil some peas is it? (or whatever she eats)

AmyDudley · 19/06/2021 22:24

Your sibling eats a lot and has anxiety issues - well they are just going to have to cope with a small portion being put aside for your DD. Seriously who would think it was OK to begrudge a child some dinner when she may not have been fed ? And who is so anxious and eats so much that they worry a piece of meat that is enough for 8 won't be enough for 3 adults and a small child.
Don't entertain this nonsense, take your little girl's portion off before you leave home, and sibling gets what they are given and says 'thank you very much for treating me to a meal' I'd suggest sibling provides a dessert for everyone too.

Hotcuppatea · 19/06/2021 22:24

Your sister has issues.

MustardRose · 19/06/2021 22:29

@NotRainingToday

If it's in your slow cooker overnight, you can easily take out a portion for DD before you take the meal over. You don't need to seek permission.
Just do this. No-one need ever know, least of all your sibling.
Oldraver · 19/06/2021 22:33

Your sibling gets absolutely no say in this. I think other posters suggestion of taking enough portions out for you and DD before you go.

I would only take enough to your Dads to feed the three of you

Mrgrinch · 19/06/2021 22:34

Imagine begrudging a child food. Seriously what the hell is wrong with her?

GrandmasCat · 19/06/2021 22:35

What I don’t understand is why you even felt the need to mention you were saving some for your kid. You are doing the cooking, it is only fair you have some for your DD, that shouldn’t even be part of the conversation… unless you are having a unicorn roast and every slice of it costs is weight in gold!

Classica · 19/06/2021 22:37

stick your sibling in the slow cooker

PixieLaLa · 19/06/2021 22:37

I wouldn’t say YABU but you are making a fuss over nothing. You could have easily just saved your DD some leftovers, no conversation needed!

Floralnomad · 19/06/2021 22:38

Crikey what a lot of drama over a dinner , just dish up as if your daughter were present at the meal and don’t ask anyone else’s opinion . That said you need to stop providing food for your ex to feed her as he won’t change if you keep enabling him .

Nononsense2 · 19/06/2021 22:38

This is really weird! Why on earth would you even mention that to your df and db?

WorraLiberty · 19/06/2021 22:38

Too weird for words this one. I just can't get my head around it.

1 grown adult who refuses to feed his own child.

1 grown adult who suffers from anxiety to the point he's worried there won't be enough dinner for him - totally ignoring the fact he can feed himself again afterwards if he's still hungry.

Nope...just far too weird Confused

SaltedCaramelIcedLatte · 19/06/2021 22:38

This is so strange...feed yr child!

L0bstersLass · 19/06/2021 22:39

@NotRainingToday

If it's in your slow cooker overnight, you can easily take out a portion for DD before you take the meal over. You don't need to seek permission.
This. I don't even know why this was a conversation.
MrsMop1964 · 19/06/2021 22:44

Sibling can cook for themselves if they are that worried.