To save a bit of the meal for my own DD?

[FathersDayMeal]

I am going to my dads tomorrow to cook a meal for me, my DF and sibling for Father’s Day. I’m a single parent and my own DD (aged almost 7) will be with my ExH for the day (as is right).

I have paid for everything to do with the meal and will be cooking it in my slow cooker tonight. The only thing I will do at my DFs is cook the vegetables and finish off the meat in his oven to crisp it and warm it up. The only ingredients my DF or sibling will provide is the condiments like mustard, and the plates it’ll be eaten off, that’s it.

When arranging the meal I said I was happy to pay for it all but I would like to save a bit of meat and vegetables for DD – it should be my weekend with her and I always do us a roast dinner, ExH will not feed her (I provide for her on his weekends as well) so she will have the roast when she comes home. I thought this was a fair compromise, my DD eats very little so there will still be loads for my DF and sibling.

My DF is fine with this but my sibling thinks that because DD won’t be at the meal she shouldn’t get any. They think ExH should feed her which I agree with but the only time ExH ever feeds DD is if they go passed a mcdonalds on the way to or from somewhere - there’s a big park about 15 miles from us he likes to take DD to and they go on the way back from there as there isn’t a mcdonalds in our town), never any other time apart from maybe a sandwich – he has her for 1 overnight EOW and I send meals for him to reheat for DD otherwise he gives her a ham sandwich and not much else.

So AIBU to expect some of the meal I am paying for and cooking to be given to my DD?

Or is my Sibling right and I should make her a seperate meal when she comes back from ExHs?

YANBU - Save some food
YABU - Make something else later

YANBU. If you felt you had to ask, you’re doing all the purchases, cooking and feeding your DD when she is with her father, I think you need to be treated - not taken advantage of by any family members.

Your sibling and your ex are both horrible.

Your sibling should pay half towards the meal, why don't you suggest it, then I'm sure they'll be happy to let your child have some

You're paying for the food and cooking it, do what you want with it.
Your sibling sounds spoilt
Your ex sounds like a waffle too - can't feed his own kid - what a guy!

Sorry I only got half way through this thread before wanting to say that telling your sibling etc what you want to do is like asking their permission
Stop doing that!
Do what you want
Especially since you are paying for this
You are not their servant
Your sibling is not the boss of you
Your dd cones first
T
Your ex should take responsibility for feeding her properly too

There’s all sorts of wrong here

Firstly why the heck is your ex not feeding his child? I’m separated from my exH too and if my DS did not get fed properly I would not send him there. Is he not capable of boiling some pasta and sauce or making toast with eggs and beans?

Secondly how can someone deny a child food? If my son wasn’t with me, my mum would be the first one to give me tubs to take some for him and no one would bat an eyelid.

Your siblings are selfish and greedy and plain nasty while your ex is lazy and a bad father. What kind of example is he setting his daughter.

YANBU at all

It wouldn't occur to me in a million years to ask anyone else's permission to use the food I had paid for/supplied to feed my children with. If anyone tried to dispute this, they'd be told to shove it where the sun doesn't shine.

But the bigger issue besides your sibling being an arsehole, is your ex being absolutely vile scum. Refusing to feed his own child is so far beyond the pale that I can barely comprehend it. I'd be stopping all contact between ex and said child, even if I had to go (back) to court to enforce it.

Ignore your sibling and do exactly what you want. If he doesn’t like it it, he can lump it.

@FathersDayMeal - does your DC get suitably fed while staying with their father? You mention that ExH will buy them a McDonalds or a sandwich, and that you generally provide food. Has it been agreed that this will be the approach, or can he not afford / be bothered to feed the DC properly? Does he contribute to her upbringing in other ways eg CSA, school uniform costs etc.

I feel so sorry for your dd. You shouldn’t even need to have this conversation. She has an arsehole father, a mean uncle/aunt. You seem the only one who cares about her, but you’re afraid to stand up to your sibling for her. You need to be strong for her.

You sound like a bit of a walk over. Why do you provide food at the weekend for your child? You are just enabling him. Tell him he feeds her or he doesn't see her - or get him to bring her to your house for every meal

What a very odd post it’s quite bizarre.