To save a bit of the meal for my own DD?

[FathersDayMeal]

I am going to my dads tomorrow to cook a meal for me, my DF and sibling for Father’s Day. I’m a single parent and my own DD (aged almost 7) will be with my ExH for the day (as is right).

I have paid for everything to do with the meal and will be cooking it in my slow cooker tonight. The only thing I will do at my DFs is cook the vegetables and finish off the meat in his oven to crisp it and warm it up. The only ingredients my DF or sibling will provide is the condiments like mustard, and the plates it’ll be eaten off, that’s it.

When arranging the meal I said I was happy to pay for it all but I would like to save a bit of meat and vegetables for DD – it should be my weekend with her and I always do us a roast dinner, ExH will not feed her (I provide for her on his weekends as well) so she will have the roast when she comes home. I thought this was a fair compromise, my DD eats very little so there will still be loads for my DF and sibling.

My DF is fine with this but my sibling thinks that because DD won’t be at the meal she shouldn’t get any. They think ExH should feed her which I agree with but the only time ExH ever feeds DD is if they go passed a mcdonalds on the way to or from somewhere - there’s a big park about 15 miles from us he likes to take DD to and they go on the way back from there as there isn’t a mcdonalds in our town), never any other time apart from maybe a sandwich – he has her for 1 overnight EOW and I send meals for him to reheat for DD otherwise he gives her a ham sandwich and not much else.

So AIBU to expect some of the meal I am paying for and cooking to be given to my DD?

Or is my Sibling right and I should make her a seperate meal when she comes back from ExHs?

YANBU - Save some food
YABU - Make something else later

This isn’t something that would cross my mind I might need permission for?? You are organising and paying for the meal so why wouldn’t you save some for your child if you want to!
Your sibling is ungrateful and selfish to refuse this when it’s her own niece and she is not contributing herself.
However she is correct in saying that your ex is terrible to not feed his own daughter, that is child neglect and he should not be having her if he can’t do basic care like that.

Take the meat for your DD out before you go to your DF. From what you've said I can see your sibling forcing themselves to eat all the food, to make the point that there 'wasn't enough' and that they were right.

It's completely bizarre that they feel they have any say in this at all, but the fact that they would see your child go hungry would have me never cooking for them again if I were you.

Aside from the fact it’s totally fucked up that your ex can’t feed his own child properly, it shouldn’t even matter WHY you are saving some for DD. Even if the reason was ‘DD likes a roast’, who begrudges a child food? I don’t even know why you mentioned it though.

Your ex should feed your child, but really, what’s your sibling’s problem?

You’ve PAID for the food, what’s the harm of saving your DD a plate of food?

I’d probably take the leftovers home if my sibling was like that.

I can't even imagine a scenario where I'd be asking my brother if this was ok. Surely you just buy enough food and put your daughters food into Tupperware / plate to reheat.
Why the discussion?

What a sad attitude for an adult to have towards their niece!

Yanbu.
I would be getting to the bottom of the exh and feeding your dd properly..
I wouldn't allow my child to go if wouldn't be fed properly. No way

I’m not sure why you even had to have the conversation with your sibling about it.
Agree your ex should feed your daughter but that’s by the by.
You’ve paid for the meal OP you stick to your plan

Why even ask them? Fuck 'em.

Don't think much of your sibling, OP.

Can't even begin to imagine begrudging a child you're related to a meal under the described circumtances.

This is all so strange, but you are definitely NBU putting a portion aside for your daughter.

I have GAD so I'm empathetic towards anxiety issues, but I also fully expect my family to be blunt with me if my anxiety is making me act in an unreasonable way too. Perhaps you and your Dad need to gently call out your sibling on this?

Wtaf. If that was my family, DD's would have been the first to have been plated up and she would have got the bit of the meat/veg/yorkshires etc she liked the most.

Your sibling is very strange. Make sure you plate DD's up otherwise they'll probably eat it.

For crying out loud, why do you even need to discuss this with your sibling? It's your food, you paid for it, you are cooking it - it's nobody else's business. I'm amazed you even felt you should mention it too her.

Why don’t you just set some aside before you even take it to your dad’s, if all you are doing there is crisping it up it will be nicer if you do that for your dd at the last minute when she comes home.

How exactly did this conversation go? Is your sister just being horribly greedy or is she raging that a grown man can't feed his child something more substantial than a Mcdonalds?? I can imagine feeling outraged on my sisters behalf if she had to put up with stuff like that.

Your sibling is weird. Yanbu.

This is a bit odd....of course eep some food for your child, why are you even asking/discussing it with others? Take a portion out for your child before you leave for dinner & you can crisp hers up when you get home later. With my family, even if one of the others made the lot, I'd still be sent home with something for someone who was absent at the dinner but arriving home later on.

*keep

Just stunned at this whole scenario.

Of course you should. You know that your ex is awful and won't give a nutritious meal. You've paid for the meal and they'll be plenty left over. There is no issue. Your sister is strange to worry, everyone will be fed. If anything I'd want to ensure a niece has a meal too. Don't worry, you're doing the right thing.

Your sibling is weird about your ex is a feckless waster.

But I have absolutely zero idea why you had to tell all and sundry that you were going to have to siphon off a minute portion for your DD.

What does it matter? Why the announcement?

Just do it. Nobody would be any the wiser, and all this palava could so easily have been avoided.

Your sibling sounds very greedy

YANBU whatsoever - but neither is your sibling to point out that a grown ass man with regular overnights with his DD should provide her proper meals. Only you know if she is having a go at you for putting aside a portion or pointing out the failings of your ex.

“ is my Sibling right and I should make her a seperate meal when she comes back from ExHs?”

What is wrong with this flaming woman?