To save a bit of the meal for my own DD?

[FathersDayMeal]

I am going to my dads tomorrow to cook a meal for me, my DF and sibling for Father’s Day. I’m a single parent and my own DD (aged almost 7) will be with my ExH for the day (as is right).

I have paid for everything to do with the meal and will be cooking it in my slow cooker tonight. The only thing I will do at my DFs is cook the vegetables and finish off the meat in his oven to crisp it and warm it up. The only ingredients my DF or sibling will provide is the condiments like mustard, and the plates it’ll be eaten off, that’s it.

When arranging the meal I said I was happy to pay for it all but I would like to save a bit of meat and vegetables for DD – it should be my weekend with her and I always do us a roast dinner, ExH will not feed her (I provide for her on his weekends as well) so she will have the roast when she comes home. I thought this was a fair compromise, my DD eats very little so there will still be loads for my DF and sibling.

My DF is fine with this but my sibling thinks that because DD won’t be at the meal she shouldn’t get any. They think ExH should feed her which I agree with but the only time ExH ever feeds DD is if they go passed a mcdonalds on the way to or from somewhere - there’s a big park about 15 miles from us he likes to take DD to and they go on the way back from there as there isn’t a mcdonalds in our town), never any other time apart from maybe a sandwich – he has her for 1 overnight EOW and I send meals for him to reheat for DD otherwise he gives her a ham sandwich and not much else.

So AIBU to expect some of the meal I am paying for and cooking to be given to my DD?

Or is my Sibling right and I should make her a seperate meal when she comes back from ExHs?

YANBU - Save some food
YABU - Make something else later

I just literally cant even start to grasp how you would even have that conversation.
" Hey sis, you know that meal you are cooking for us all on Sunday? Make sure that my niece doesn't get any. "
The mind boggles.

@NotRainingToday

If it's in your slow cooker overnight, you can easily take out a portion for DD before you take the meal over. You don't need to seek permission.

This. Why the mention to anyone else? Your ex should feed child when he has her.

@MrsWhites

I don’t even understand why this is even a conversation? Of course you should keep some food for your child? What the fuck has it got to do with your siblings, I would suggest you tell them if they don’t like it to cook their own bloody dinner!

THIS ^

And TBH, even if you weren't paying for and cooking the meal, I don't see why you shouldn't plate up a dinner for her (and another for yourself, too so that you can sit and eat with her).

Your siblings can bugger off! (Don't let them have seconds!)

Of course yanbu but maybe your sibling feels that you should be encouraging your DD's father to step up and feed her properly when he's with her, not having to send meals to be reheated

Just. Plate it up end of. Take it home

Poor you dealing with all this crap

I voted YABU for even entertaining this crap from your sibling

I cannot believe you need to ask.

Your sibling is a weird, mean person. Why are you even posting about this?

Your exH needs to up his parenting game. Tell him he feeds DD on his weekends or the visitation ends.

You need to sit yourself down and examine why you are allowing other people to treat you and your DD so poorly.

How much of a tight arse is your sibling ffs. Jesus. Its a 6yo portion of food for fathers day not the last scrap during the rapture. Tell him to fecking do one and give your daughter her dinner.

I agree with everyone her - there are some very strange food issues around your daughter.

Obviously ignore your brother - if she had food anxiety why does he even know you are keeping a portion back?

The more important issue is why is your daughter spending time with an adult who won’t feed her?

Sort this out. It is neglect.

YANBU to feed your child from the proceeds of a meal that should feed 8. Feed yourself too - I’m not sure if you’re intending to?

Your sibling INU in saying your ex should feed his own child while she’s with him. What a shit excuse for a parent he sounds.

Incidentally I’m not sure why you’re entertaining a conversation about it. If sibling feels that strongly that there won’t be enough food then sibling can provide their own side dishes to pad it out. Cheeky bugger.

Why is this an issue? Just plate a dinner up for your DD and be done with it. It isn’t open for debate.

Jeez MN is really weird tonight. Is there a full moon?

YANBU. It's your DD and why should you have to cook again?

Yanbu given your circumstances but it's ridiculous her dad doesn't feed her. Maybe your sibling thinks you are enabling him to be a bad parent

Another here that is a bit puzzled. You cook the meal, you leave aside what you want, for your daughter. I'm not sure why this even became a conversation, tbh.

First its nothing to do with your sibling what you do your paying and cooking for it

But more important why do you send your dd to your ex when you know he wont feed her-take him to court thi is horrendous

@Aswad

Every now and again a post comes along that makes me think WTAF. I would honestly not bother with your sibling ever again, family or not. Who does that to anyone? Let alone a child?!!!

Yeah WT actual F

This has nothing to do with your sibling, They’ve contributed nothing to the cost of the meal so don’t get a say. Why are you even entertaining that conversation with them?

But I also agree that your ex should be feeding your Dd. You shouldn’t have to send food for her whilst she’s with her father. That is an issue that needs sorted as a priority!

I can't believe your siblings would have an issue with saving some food for their niece! I don't understand people where giving food is such an issue! You'd feed a stranger's child if they're hungry!!

Just leave some of the meal home and cook it when you get back for your daughter

Sibling has no say. You don't even need to ask if you can feed a child from your own meal.

What's more disturbing is that a supposed parent doesn't feed his child and needs meals-on-ex delivered with her. This is just ridiculous.

If your sibling is saying 'don't feed her here as useless father needs to step up' then that's different from 'don't feed her our food as I'm a greedy little sibling and want all the food'.

Is it coming from a place of care that they see you making meals for someone really shit?

How embarrassing for Dsis kicking off over a DC portion. 😳
Tell her to get a grip.

Hi brother, I phrased that wrong. Yes my ex is an asshole and so are you if you don’t want me to feed my child with my cooking. I bought enough food, I will be putting some aside for my daughter and you will not eat that.
Let me know you’re fine with this or bring your own food, because I’m not feeding anyone who objects to my saving some for my daughter.

And I’d be logging what ex feeds my dd , send 4 polite messages about feeding her then just go to court and cut back on contact since he doesn’t feed her.