To save a bit of the meal for my own DD?

[FathersDayMeal]

I am going to my dads tomorrow to cook a meal for me, my DF and sibling for Father’s Day. I’m a single parent and my own DD (aged almost 7) will be with my ExH for the day (as is right).

I have paid for everything to do with the meal and will be cooking it in my slow cooker tonight. The only thing I will do at my DFs is cook the vegetables and finish off the meat in his oven to crisp it and warm it up. The only ingredients my DF or sibling will provide is the condiments like mustard, and the plates it’ll be eaten off, that’s it.

When arranging the meal I said I was happy to pay for it all but I would like to save a bit of meat and vegetables for DD – it should be my weekend with her and I always do us a roast dinner, ExH will not feed her (I provide for her on his weekends as well) so she will have the roast when she comes home. I thought this was a fair compromise, my DD eats very little so there will still be loads for my DF and sibling.

My DF is fine with this but my sibling thinks that because DD won’t be at the meal she shouldn’t get any. They think ExH should feed her which I agree with but the only time ExH ever feeds DD is if they go passed a mcdonalds on the way to or from somewhere - there’s a big park about 15 miles from us he likes to take DD to and they go on the way back from there as there isn’t a mcdonalds in our town), never any other time apart from maybe a sandwich – he has her for 1 overnight EOW and I send meals for him to reheat for DD otherwise he gives her a ham sandwich and not much else.

So AIBU to expect some of the meal I am paying for and cooking to be given to my DD?

Or is my Sibling right and I should make her a seperate meal when she comes back from ExHs?

YANBU - Save some food
YABU - Make something else later

People are being really harsh at what seems like a non issue as in of course the OP should save some of the food for DD, but I get the feeling that the OP must have lost all sense of normality and be worn down by abusive behaviour by both the ex and the sibling to even ask the question and be dealing with the situation like this.

Otherwise why would you deal with either person like the OP has said.

So many questions about the ex. Why isn't he feeding his child properly? Even if he lives in very small accommodation (I hope he can provide DD with a proper bed when she stays?) there's no excuse for him to not give her suitable food.

Does he not feed himself? If he's not competent at basic adulting for whatever reason, perhaps she shouldn't be staying with him?

The OP has obviously had decades of being subjected to the sibling's food issues. Why can't you stand up to such selfish unreasonable behaviour? Sounds like it's time to go no contact with them if they're so greedy and selfish they'd argue against saving food for a child.

Just speak up, and tell your sibling to keep quiet about your food plans. It's not her business to comment on things like this.

Does your ex not own a couple of sauce pans,or a frying pan,or a microwave, to make a quick meal for your daughter ? Or making up a little picnic to take on his outings with your child.

Firstly, it wouldn't occur to me to have even asked, you have bought the food and expect nothing from them in cooking or expense. You have planned quantities with that in mind. Is sibling/father expecting to keep the leftovers? That in itself is rude when you have bought everything.

Since you have cooked the meat at home, I would save some from that (and the veg) and leave it at home in the fridge (if that worked logistically for DD). Or just take a container and package it before serving up.

OP, like everyone else here, I think your ex and your sibling have worn you down, and that you now expect asshole behaviour is normal.

Your sibling's opinions on any of this are utterly irrelevant. You cooked and paid for the meal, and you can decide how to portion it out. In any case, the idea that a grown man feels free to object to you feeding your 7 year old is incredible. I suspect he'd like there to be as many leftovers for himself as possible. He's an embarrassment to himself.

I just can’t imagine having a conversation like this and ensuing drama and need to ask on the internet.

Surely this is clearly something where you rock up, take a container to put a serve for your DD in and it wouldn’t even be worthy of a conversation. If anyone said anything you would just say ‘I’m taking home a serve for x for dinner. Have you heard from Aunt Betty lately?’ No idea how this warrants a back and forth conversation.

Your biggest and, really, only mistake was in telling your father and sibling what you were planning to do.

As you paid for the food, it is literally NOTHING to do with them, what you choose to do with it.

Your sibling is a greedy arsehole and should, quite honestly, STFU.

Your ex is also an arsehole for not feeding your DD. She needs feeding, therefore it's 100% reasonable that you keep some food that YOU cooked for YOUR DD to eat when she comes home starving because her father's an arsehole.

I'd bin the arseholes out of your life, if it were possible.

I think the OP has just completely lost touch with what’s normal.

Who would think to have an issue with feeding a child?! I despair.

I also despair at your ex.

Your sibling and your ex are happy to starve a child.

Good grief, that’s horrendous.

I would ask your sibling to pay for their meal, greedy, selfish CF

Huh? She's your daughter, you are buying and cooking, you know what she eats and when she eats.

I always have dinner ready on a Sunday evening for when DD comes home from her Dad's - 9/10 she has eaten fine, but at about 3 or 4 pm so will want something later on.

I don't discuss it with her Dad, or anybody else for that matter.

You have a weird set up. Do whats right for you and DD.

my apologies if that was harsh I haven't rtft and wont until the morning as am zonking out.

DD is at dads with a card.

Why is it even an issue? Since OP is cooking the meat at home and taking the vegetables to the father’s house, just leave some meat and vegetables at home, and finish cooking those when the daughter comes back from her father’s. And just take good for three to get dad’s. I don’t even understand why there was even a need to tell the sibling or father about food being “saved” for the daughter.

Total non-issue. If OO had never even mentioned “saving” some for her daughter, a whole lot of hassle could have been avoided. Is the sibling demanding to see a receipt to verify how much meat and how many carrots, etc were bought and comparing that with what’s on the table?

Why was this even a conversation?

Your sibling can bring extra food if they’re worried there won’t be enough. Of course your ex should feed his child and you’ve decided how to manage the situation. It is weird and controlling to dictate you shouldn’t plate up the food you paid for. How rude of them to tell you how to run your life.

That said, if he’s so rubbish with your dd that he doesn’t attend to her basic needs, aren’t you worried about her when she’s with him?

I'm worried you've now tipped your sibling off and they will eat even more in order to ensure there isn't enough for your child.
This is all capital Odd, OP. For the love of fuck DO NOT have these conversations in the future.

Your sibling is ridiculous and it’s Tim’s he bought and cooked for Father’s Day. Don’t cook for your sibling next time. Cook for your Dad a couple of days before, enjoy together with Dd then share morning of afternoon tea with your Dad on Father’s Day.

*time

Maybe once it’s plated up, lock it in your car in a cool bag just in case, if your sibling is really that weird and greedy.

To those saying ‘why ask?’ I can imagine a situation whereby the OP said that they would buy the ingredients and cook in the slow cooker and just mentioned that it’d be handy to take out a portion of food for her DD. At that point the weird sibling might’ve objected. Do we know for sure that OP actually asked their permission?

@NotRainingToday

If it's in your slow cooker overnight, you can easily take out a portion for DD before you take the meal over. You don't need to seek permission.

Do this, incase your sibling ensures there is nothing left

Why did you even tell them you were doing this? Just do it. Yanbu this is a complete non issue.

Why you'd need to ask their permission to feed your own child your own food is very odd. Of course you can, and the fact you allow your ex to not properly feed your child is also unacceptable. Call social services if he can't adequately provide for her! Blimey.

Wow, this is one of the most selfish things I've read on here. Who would begrudge a small child a meal

You didn't need to ask - of course it's ok to feed your dd and you can take the meat before you go, sibling would never have even known, not that it should matter if he does. I do however understand him being aghast that your DD's dad does not feed her. That's the really issue here. Today you aren't sending food so Dd will just go without til she gets home? That's absurd! Will he give her drinks? Are you sure he heats up the meals you usually send? If he does then why can't he manage some beans on toast or a ready meal without you having to send meals? This is shocking op.

I'd take ALL the leftovers home with me too. Except maybe leave one more plate for your DDad. None for selfish sibling.