Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Punished at school for saying ‘flipping heck’

483 replies

porkincider · 19/06/2021 16:22

At pick up yesterday the teacher asked me to wait behind for a minute as my 8yo Ds had been put on red (they have a traffic light system- start on green, if really good go to silver and then gold, if naughty go to orange and then red. Get on red twice in a term and you have to go to the headmaster’s office). Ds has always been really good, he’s incredibly shy, hates drawing attention to himself and normally just bobs along on green every week.

He looked mortified when he came out and the teacher told me he’d had to go straight onto red for bad language during PE. Ds tried to say “I only said” but teacher interrupted and said “please don’t say it again, you’ll only get yourself into more trouble”. Anyway, he apologised, we walked home and that was that.

I asked him what he’d said and why when we got home and he told me he missed a goal in PE and said “oh, flipping heck”. I asked him if he was sure that was what he’d said, that he hadn’t said the F word but he was adamant he hadn’t and was in tears of frustration at this point as he kept trying to tell the teacher what he’d said but she just kept telling her not to repeat it.

I messaged the teacher on the school app and said “Ds is very sorry for upsetting you today. He’s adamant that he only said ‘flipping heck’ though and wanted me just tell you that he would never say anything ruder than that either at school or at home”. Teacher immediately messaged back to say that she was aware that was what he’d said, it was more the tone that he’d said it in that she was disappointed about (which wasn’t what she’d told me at pick up) and that I needed to ensure that he was aware that language of that type is not acceptable at school.

Is ‘flipping heck’ rude? I say it all the time and I’m certain that is where he’s picked it up from but I’ve never told him not to say it. I thought it was just a nonsense exclamation.

OP posts:
porkincider · 19/06/2021 17:23

As far as I can tell. Ds said he just said it because he was annoy that he missed

OP posts:
MorriseysGladioli · 19/06/2021 17:24

I think it's strange that the teacher can't seem to decide what the offence was.

It would be better if she had said from the outset that it was his tone, alongside what was said.
Still far too harsh, though.

godmum56 · 19/06/2021 17:25

I think i'd bw more concerned about the pictures on the wall thing, firstly because its so publicly judgy but also because it wouldn't take much for the red card to become a badge of honour among the kids.

Classica · 19/06/2021 17:25

So he 'flipping hecked' himself for missing a goal. Seems perfectly natural to me.

That teacher is a wet lettuce. 'Wet lettuce' coming from the Old English 'ye wasteful louse' (not really).

fourminutestosavetheworld · 19/06/2021 17:26

I don't think 'flipping heck' is swearing either but the tone does make a difference.

I'm a teacher and this week had a child shout 'fudge off' at another child. He didn't swear but it was said in a furious tone, clearly intended as a replacement for 'fuck off', gasps from other kids who misheard and assumed swearing from the tone.

Honestly, if the teacher was there and saw it, didn't just act on hearsay, I'd let it go. We don't enjoy telling little kids off, no matter what some parents think. If he displayed brattish behaviour or poor sportsmanship whilst saying it crossly, then a red card (or whatever it is) is fair enough imo. Instead of telling him he behaved acceptably and the teacher overreacted, why not discuss it in more nuanced terms.

JuneJustRains · 19/06/2021 17:27

Tell them he picked it up off the Archers and that you’ll address his terrible Radio 4 habit ASAP?

Lulola · 19/06/2021 17:27

It’s ridiculous! It might have originally been an alternative to swearing but as language has developed it has become a phrase of its own that is innocent!

DietrichandDiMaggio · 19/06/2021 17:28

@arethereanyleftatall

Rude for me, I'm afraid op. It's not really a particularly rude phrase for an adult, but completely different that an 8 year old said it. Must be regional. Round my way, at 8 they're still saying 'Jack said a a rude word today. He said shut up.'
Shut up is rude though -not bad language, but a rude way to speak to someone.
DinosaurDiana · 19/06/2021 17:28

@Bizawit

Teacher is so out of order. She has shamed your shy son for a totally innocent comment. This is emotionally abusive. Complain.
I agree.
SirenSays · 19/06/2021 17:29

This makes me think of that really old Bowling for soup song

Ain't that a bee with an itch?
Ain't that a mother trucker?
You can go to H E double hockey sticks
And F yourself
'Cause I'm flipping gosh darn sick
Of all the S words you put me through
So F you, F youuuu

JudgeJ · 19/06/2021 17:30

@shouldistop

It's a stand in for 'fucking hell' as pp said. I wouldn't want my dc saying it tbh but straight to red was maybe a bit much.
I recall saying flipping heck in my childhood, '50s, and I'd never heard the supposed other word.
LynetteScavo · 19/06/2021 17:30

I'd be more bothered about the school policy of shaming children by putting their picture on red when they've done something wrong.

If the teacher didn't like what your DS said she should have pulled him up on it there and then, no need to raise it with you at the end of the day. I think my DD once had this very teacher. I bet she also teaches the children to say "pardon?".

fourminutestosavetheworld · 19/06/2021 17:31

Another thought : I've told kids off for swearing. Definite swearing, clearly heard by me. When they invariably tell their parents that i misheard their innocent expression and parents contact me, there are times when I can tell that they will never, ever believe me over their child. On such occasions, I will say something like 'I am less worried about the words than the attitude they were said with.' It means I don't have to call their kid a liar and embroil myself in a massive discussion and can get back to real work (or my evening/weekend). It's possible that your situation is similar maybe.

VaguelyInteresting · 19/06/2021 17:31

What bobbins!

I’ve got a 4 year old whose favourite words/phrases when annoyed or surprised are “blummin” “blinkin” “flipping heck” -and “heavens to Betsy”. Grin

He picked them up from my 80-odd year old grandmother, and I’ll be honest, I can’t find it in my heart to castigate him for such old fashioned and fairly prim language.

He’ll soon stop using them when he gets to school and hears some ACTUAL swears, I’m sure.

Topseyt · 19/06/2021 17:31

Is this a teacher who has form for making mountains out of molehills?

I see nothing wrong with the language itself, though potentially his attitude and manner of delivery might have been an issue. I would have told her that.

The traffic light system sounds crazy to me. Public shaming for some and favouritism for the others. I might be tempted to put that in my email.

Ijustknowitstimetogo · 19/06/2021 17:32

Ask him to exclaim ‘good grief!’ on Monday just to test the reaction.

Ihavehadenoughalready · 19/06/2021 17:33

Would like to know if Gosh Darn It would be banned. It is after all a sub for God damn it!

Flipping’ heck sounds pretty tame to me.

Dag nab it?

You really should be supplied a list of acceptable phrases from the school.

quizqueen · 19/06/2021 17:34

Probably any loud 'outburst' would be seen as not okay during a lesson regardless of the words spoken but, if your son is usually a well behaved child then a simple, 'I don't want to hear you say that again in school otherwise there will be a red card' would have been enough.

fourminutestosavetheworld · 19/06/2021 17:34

"If the teacher didn't like what your DS said she should have pulled him up on it there and then, no need to raise it with you at the end of the day."

Yes you can tell the teacher that you don't want to be informed if he behaved badly from now on. I'm sure she thought you'd want to know the full story before hearing your child's version but I expect she'd be happy to be released from that obligation from now on.

I don't like the photos by coloured behaviour cards though. Quite shaming and out of date.

SengaMac · 19/06/2021 17:34

Flipping heck and fucking hell sound different though so I don't think she misheard him.

Well, she said she knew that's what he said.

I used to work with a Salvation Army officer, who never used swear words. He would say "Flipping heck" tho, very quickly, and sometimes other people would mention his 'language' to me as they thought he was saying "Fucking hell".

Peach01 · 19/06/2021 17:36

Straight to reds a bit much but it's a replacement for the more severe FH term, maybe she could've explained that's why it's not allowed in the school as he's probably oblivious.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 19/06/2021 17:36

Way over the top.
When I was teaching that wouldn’t get more than a raised eyebrow “be careful” look. But we’re in Yorkshire so maybe it means different things in different places.

Maddermax · 19/06/2021 17:37

I don't think the teacher has any right to shame your child for saying 'flipping heck' which is a harmless thing to say. I would let her know I thought that and tell her to not do it again.

bargelights · 19/06/2021 17:38

Complete overreaction on the part of the teacher. "Flippin' heck" certainly doesn't count as bad language IMO. And the expression wasn't directed aggressively at someone else, the child was annoyed with himself for missing a goal. He chose a perfectly acceptable way to express that annoyance.

And I truly loathe those awful traffic light behaviour modification techniques that still exist in many schools (or sunshine/cloudy or whatever stupid metaphor is used). They have no place in schools as far as I'm concerned.

Bbq1 · 19/06/2021 17:39

@shouldistop

I think the teacher probably misheard, assumed he said “fucking hell” but then decided to dig her heels in when I messaged her.

Flipping heck and fucking hell sound different though so I don't think she misheard him.

On a football field though with distance, wind etc it could well sound like the child shouted F Hell. Thr poor boy though being punished for saying a commonly used phrase. Ridiculous. Agree with pp's that it is NOT in any way a substitute for F Hell. Those pp's commenting that it is a swear word, that their dc's wouldn't use it etc, good luck with the teenage years!