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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Punished at school for saying ‘flipping heck’

483 replies

porkincider · 19/06/2021 16:22

At pick up yesterday the teacher asked me to wait behind for a minute as my 8yo Ds had been put on red (they have a traffic light system- start on green, if really good go to silver and then gold, if naughty go to orange and then red. Get on red twice in a term and you have to go to the headmaster’s office). Ds has always been really good, he’s incredibly shy, hates drawing attention to himself and normally just bobs along on green every week.

He looked mortified when he came out and the teacher told me he’d had to go straight onto red for bad language during PE. Ds tried to say “I only said” but teacher interrupted and said “please don’t say it again, you’ll only get yourself into more trouble”. Anyway, he apologised, we walked home and that was that.

I asked him what he’d said and why when we got home and he told me he missed a goal in PE and said “oh, flipping heck”. I asked him if he was sure that was what he’d said, that he hadn’t said the F word but he was adamant he hadn’t and was in tears of frustration at this point as he kept trying to tell the teacher what he’d said but she just kept telling her not to repeat it.

I messaged the teacher on the school app and said “Ds is very sorry for upsetting you today. He’s adamant that he only said ‘flipping heck’ though and wanted me just tell you that he would never say anything ruder than that either at school or at home”. Teacher immediately messaged back to say that she was aware that was what he’d said, it was more the tone that he’d said it in that she was disappointed about (which wasn’t what she’d told me at pick up) and that I needed to ensure that he was aware that language of that type is not acceptable at school.

Is ‘flipping heck’ rude? I say it all the time and I’m certain that is where he’s picked it up from but I’ve never told him not to say it. I thought it was just a nonsense exclamation.

OP posts:
ChainJane · 23/06/2021 13:55

"Flipping heck" is a polite version of "fucking hell" - the heck is a corruption of hell and flipping is used to convey the meaning of the "f word" whilst not using the word itself. In short, "flipping heck" wouldn't exist without "fucking hell" - it would be meaningless. I don't think either has a place in school.

Madamum18 · 23/06/2021 14:37

It may not have a place in school but the response is OTT and is NOT going to teach the child anything other than how to feel resentful and unfairly treated by a teacher who didn't listen, didn't discuss! Doesn't teach him how to sort out problems or how to treat other people with respect either! Ridiculous response from the teacher!

TheDevils · 23/06/2021 14:41

@ChainJane

"Flipping heck" is a polite version of "fucking hell" - the heck is a corruption of hell and flipping is used to convey the meaning of the "f word" whilst not using the word itself. In short, "flipping heck" wouldn't exist without "fucking hell" - it would be meaningless. I don't think either has a place in school.
But language changes and develops over time. So, while this may have been the original origin, in many places this is now a phrase in its own right. Certainly where I grew up this was used by adults and children alike to display frustration or surprise. It's phrase used frequently in my work place ( a university) across a range of settings. In fact I used it during a lecture this week!
Nohomemadecandles · 23/06/2021 15:17

So "oh flip" "flippin heck" aren't officially expletives. Just old fashioned & informal!

Punished at school for saying ‘flipping heck’
thing47 · 23/06/2021 15:42

"Flipping heck" is a polite version of "fucking hell"

But that's the point, right there, you make it yourself – it's a polite version, ie not rude.

All this stuff about it being a replacement for a ruder phrase is completely irrelevant, you can't punish it in the same way or as I said earlier there's no incentive to avoid the actual rude version!

Madamum18 · 23/06/2021 16:31

All this stuff about it being a replacement for a ruder phrase is completely irrelevant

Exactly. The issue is the reaction of then teacher and whether the child has learnt anything from how she dealt with it in terms of future interactions etc! As I said above the response is OTT and is NOT going to teach the child anything other than how to feel resentful and unfairly treated by a teacher who didn't listen, didn't discuss! Doesn't teach him how to sort out problems or how to treat other people with respect either! Ridiculous response from the teacher!

As I said above

Wheresmybiscuit3 · 23/06/2021 16:39

I think the teacher is OTT here in this situation

Naughty1205 · 23/06/2021 16:48

Wow, school way OTT, especially when your ds is usually so well behaved, they really went overboard. I feel so sorry for him. I find that schools in the UK are so pernickety about everything!

Madamum18 · 23/06/2021 16:55

I find that schools in the UK are so pernickety about everything!

Bit if a generalisation ...speaking as an ex headteacher!!

Madamum18 · 23/06/2021 16:55

...Bit OF not if!!

Muststopeating · 23/06/2021 17:06

Good grief! I'd be furious. I have seen what OTT responses/discipline teach children and its nothing good.

I'd like her to provide a list of phrases that she considers to be suitable altenatives (tell DS you are having her do lines, that'll cheer him up) in the situation.

It is entirely natural to shout something in frustration... or does she think he should just smile and carry on.

And my goodness, some of the uptightness on this thread! I think the language in my house would give some of them a hernia!

(Obviously I wholeheartedly believe children should learn to be respectful, polite and learn appeopriate channels for their feelings, but this is too far).

starrynight87 · 23/06/2021 17:07

Very harsh, especially when teachers know the kids in their class so well, and know him.

ragingbullsh · 23/06/2021 17:13

My DS is 8 and says 'bloody hell' or 'flippin Nora' all the time. (We're Yorkshire) I've noticed it seems to be quite common amongst his friends so not just him.

Never had any comment from school although he probably wouldn't tell me if he'd been told off for it... he likes to wait for parents evening for me to find all that out Grin.

Think the school have overreacted here and maybe a 'don't say things like that in school please' would have sufficed.

AnnieSnap · 23/06/2021 17:17

I have never viewed it as a stand in for fucking hell and I suspect most people don’t. I would be pissed off if my child had got into serious trouble for saying flipping heck. Tell him not to say it, sure, but give the kid a chance. I wouldn’t let it lie personally. I would want a further discussion with the teacher with a view to taking the rod out of her backside and removing the Red notice. If she wouldn’t relent, I’d be speaking with the head teacher. Fairness is so important to children and I think your little son needs to know you’re fighting his corner on this!

Emmylouisa · 24/06/2021 20:26

Hate it when kids use those phrases all the time. It's not cute or funny.

Madamum18 · 25/06/2021 16:17

Hate it when kids use those phrases all the time. It's not cute or funny

No-one said it was cute or funny! That isn't the issue here, the issue is the response the child got, and whether it was appropriate, helpful or used as a learning point for the child in his development!!

Halliabaloo · 25/06/2021 16:38

As a teacher this makes my heart hurt. No, loud outbursts of frustration that are out of proportion are not okay. Bobbing along on green isn’t okay. A good kid is one striving for silver and gold.

looptheloopinahulahoop · 25/06/2021 16:39

@lazylinguist

It's a very mild expression of exasperation or irritation. On a similar level to 'Oh bother!' Which phrases would you like children to use to express feelings of annoyance? Or are they not allowed to at all? It's odd that some people seem to expect young children to possess a level of total emotional control which is apparently not expected of grown adults!
"Oh bother" is probably about the only acceptable expression. Or "ow" if you drop something on your foot! Meanwhile, in the real world...

I think "bloody hell" would raise a few eyebrows in primary schools where I am, but can't see the issue with flippin Nora (maybe more of a expression in the north of England though).

looptheloopinahulahoop · 25/06/2021 16:40

@Halliabaloo

As a teacher this makes my heart hurt. No, loud outbursts of frustration that are out of proportion are not okay. Bobbing along on green isn’t okay. A good kid is one striving for silver and gold.
Loud outbursts of frustration are ok and kids react in different ways to things surely. You don't have to go running to the parents, if you thought the child had overreacted, you'd just ask them not to use the expression and/or tone of voice in that context again.
Tiari · 25/06/2021 16:59

As a teacher this makes my heart hurt. No, loud outbursts of frustration that are out of proportion are not okay. Bobbing along on green isn't ok. A good kid is one striving for silver and gold
As a parent this makes MY heart hurt. I'm so thankful my kids are now grown, when I hear teachers like yourself.
By saying a "good" kid is one striving, you are insinuating that a "bad" kid bobs along on green.
So hurtful and there's nothing wrong with "bobbing along" anyway, sometimes that's the best some can do, even in adulthood.
Get a new career and stop being spiteful.

Pigeonpocket · 25/06/2021 17:11

@Halliabaloo

As a teacher this makes my heart hurt. No, loud outbursts of frustration that are out of proportion are not okay. Bobbing along on green isn’t okay. A good kid is one striving for silver and gold.
Traffic light systems that shame kids and quantify their behaviour into "good" and "bad" makes my heart hurt.
WhereDidIGoNext · 25/06/2021 17:54

@Halliabaloo

As a teacher this makes my heart hurt. No, loud outbursts of frustration that are out of proportion are not okay. Bobbing along on green isn’t okay. A good kid is one striving for silver and gold.
This is depressing
Tiari · 25/06/2021 18:02

Agreed @Pigeonpocket

Not right that children are being treated this way, especially with the strange fifteen months they've just had.
No wonder there's so much anxiety nowadays with kids. Just awful!!

Tiari · 25/06/2021 18:13

This is depressing
It really is, isn't it? And at a time when I would have thought they need camaraderie and kindness.
So sad

Madamum18 · 25/06/2021 19:16

As a teacher this makes my heart hurt. No, loud outbursts of frustration that are out of proportion are not okay. Bobbing along on green isn’t okay. A good kid is one striving for silver and gold.

I don't understand your point. Can you clarify please