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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Punished at school for saying ‘flipping heck’

483 replies

porkincider · 19/06/2021 16:22

At pick up yesterday the teacher asked me to wait behind for a minute as my 8yo Ds had been put on red (they have a traffic light system- start on green, if really good go to silver and then gold, if naughty go to orange and then red. Get on red twice in a term and you have to go to the headmaster’s office). Ds has always been really good, he’s incredibly shy, hates drawing attention to himself and normally just bobs along on green every week.

He looked mortified when he came out and the teacher told me he’d had to go straight onto red for bad language during PE. Ds tried to say “I only said” but teacher interrupted and said “please don’t say it again, you’ll only get yourself into more trouble”. Anyway, he apologised, we walked home and that was that.

I asked him what he’d said and why when we got home and he told me he missed a goal in PE and said “oh, flipping heck”. I asked him if he was sure that was what he’d said, that he hadn’t said the F word but he was adamant he hadn’t and was in tears of frustration at this point as he kept trying to tell the teacher what he’d said but she just kept telling her not to repeat it.

I messaged the teacher on the school app and said “Ds is very sorry for upsetting you today. He’s adamant that he only said ‘flipping heck’ though and wanted me just tell you that he would never say anything ruder than that either at school or at home”. Teacher immediately messaged back to say that she was aware that was what he’d said, it was more the tone that he’d said it in that she was disappointed about (which wasn’t what she’d told me at pick up) and that I needed to ensure that he was aware that language of that type is not acceptable at school.

Is ‘flipping heck’ rude? I say it all the time and I’m certain that is where he’s picked it up from but I’ve never told him not to say it. I thought it was just a nonsense exclamation.

OP posts:
Classica · 19/06/2021 16:53

A lot of fuss over nothing.

Waspsarearseholes · 19/06/2021 16:53

The teacher massively over reacted. I'm a teacher and there are words I don't like the children in my class saying, and they include words such as 'stupid' and 'idiot', even though they are not swearing. I just remind them that they're not words I like to hear. To go to red for saying "flipping heck" is extraordinary. If it was his temper she was annoyed about then she should have spoken to him about being a good sportsman and reminded him about appropriate expressions. To put him on red like that and to feel she needed to have a word with you about it is ridiculous.

CaptainCarp · 19/06/2021 16:54

Flipping is definitely a stand in for fucking same as sugar is for shit.

We've told DSC to stop saying it so much as it's become such a habit of saying that flipping car or "the flipping game isn't doing as I wanted". It's obvious what they are substituting. Also fucking slips out to easily Hmm at 7 there's really no need.

Every now & again I'd not mention it though.

AlmostSummer21 · 19/06/2021 16:54

@Mousetown

I wouldn’t say it around my dd and would be disappointed if I heard her say it.
What? Why?
MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 19/06/2021 16:55

@Arbadacarba

It's difficult to think of a more tame curse than 'flipping heck'.
There are loads!

Oh sugar
Oh bother

Classica · 19/06/2021 16:55

For the people who think 'flipping' is inappropriate as it's a substitute for 'fucking' does that mean 'sugar' is also verbatim as that's a sub for 'shit'?

AlmostSummer21 · 19/06/2021 16:56

@HeronLanyon

Oh dear. That was meant to be ‘sulky’ and ‘tits’ was to be ‘tuts’. Honest.
Well that makes a bit more sense! I thought you'd been at the cooking Sherry!
coldwarenigma · 19/06/2021 16:56

woodhill
I was going to say the same. i remember the fuss that Grange Hill made over 'bad language' lol

Oh by the way, anyone of ahem a certain age, can see Grange Hil on Britbox! (Misses point of thread!)

I agree OP..but the teacher is unlikely to backdown. I would just say to your lad that language can be interpreted in different ways and some terms can be seen by others to be offensive. Dont use it at school, but dont get upset over it.

NoWordForFluffy · 19/06/2021 16:56

@shouldistop

It's not at all a swear word or substitute.

It is a substitute though, a quick google will show you that.

Only if you know about 'fucking hell' to start with. It's not a sub if you've no knowledge of the other phrase.

Totally OTT reaction, OP. It's nowhere near swearing, IMO.

MorriseysGladioli · 19/06/2021 16:56

Oh, fish hooks!!

SilverGoblin · 19/06/2021 16:57

Those saying flipping heck is a replacement for fucking hell.

For some it is, for others it is just flippin heck.

Even if uttrered as replacement for fucking hell, you cannot punish or chastise for a synonym which someone did not use.

If your four year old said tuppence, you would not shout at her "you don't say cunt in this house young lady, now get on the naughty step".

You can only admonish for the words actually used, not the other words next to them in a thresaurus. Anything else is fucking ridiculous.

Classica · 19/06/2021 16:57

*verboten rather than verbatim!

UserAtRandom · 19/06/2021 16:57

I think it's because the child in question is 8. At secondary school no one would even blink at that, but at 8, there are still (though they are small in numbers and will get smaller) children that haven't been exposed to any of that sort of language at all, and I think it's right that the teacher emphasises it's not appropriate.

30degreesandmeltinghere · 19/06/2021 16:58

Poo is a substitute to shit also

Can't imagine anyone being offended at the word poo being used...

Nellle · 19/06/2021 16:58

It's so difficult for schools to uphold the highest of expectations when parents don't support them.

"Flipping heck" might not be rude at home or at Sunday football, but this sort of episode is a great opportunity to teach kids that adapting your language for different settings is an important skill.

Also, the teacher said tone was a problem.

sweatervest · 19/06/2021 17:00

i think that an 8 year old using flipping heck in context is actually quite sweet and i've heard a lot worse (a 6 year old threatening to stab another child)

the teacher is being pedantic and irritating and she sounds like a bit of an arse.

my ex mil once told my daughter off for saying "knackered". there's no pleasing some people. they're offended by breathing.

thirdfiddle · 19/06/2021 17:01

Exclaiming something when things go wrong is only natural. Does anyone not do that? Honestly?

What could he exclaim that doesn't have sweary roots/substitution in some way? I'd be tempted to ask teacher for a list of which exclamations are acceptable to her.

My brother got round it by using a made up word. Which the whole family then adopted. And our parents then tried to stop us saying, possibly because we all sounded daft.

Perhaps you could train him to say "oh bananas" or something.

Newrumpus · 19/06/2021 17:02

Tucker Jenkins catch-phrase

Upamountain43 · 19/06/2021 17:02

I am flabbergasted at some of the replies here - i would never have considered flipping heck to be on any scale of bad inappropriate language.

To me it is one the safe phrases i would use at work - i actually did use it the one and only time i gave evidence in court.

I think it is perfectly acceptable for an 8 year old to say in pretty much any situation. If it was the tone that was used then the tone would have been the same if they had said Yes miss and should have been reprimanded for the tone not the words.

EwwSprouts · 19/06/2021 17:02

I don't think it's rude and I don't think it's interchangeable for f*ing hell.

lottiegarbanzo · 19/06/2021 17:03

I think tone makes a vast difference.

I hear men playing sport and 'cursing' when they miss a shot and it's not the words that convey meaning (unless it's fuck or cunt, which are a step above), it's the angry, snarling, aggressive tone of some players that I find really jarring and unpleasant (and consider a bad example to children).

WiddlinDiddlin · 19/06/2021 17:03

Over the top.. but much more horrifying is the traffic light system with kids photos on the wall!!!!

Thats awful, public shaming! I would take massive issue with that!

CaptainCarp · 19/06/2021 17:04

I should say that DSC has been told to say flipping instead of fucking by their mum.

Normally I just ignore it because I think it's said trying to draw a reaction. But when it's in every sentence I point out that it literally makes no sense as the tree definitely isn't flipping.

Classica · 19/06/2021 17:04

Yes, the kids' photos on the wall thing is awful. Shaming kids is always such a good tactic... Hmm

Bizawit · 19/06/2021 17:04

Teacher is so out of order. She has shamed your shy son for a totally innocent comment. This is emotionally abusive. Complain.

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