Punished at school for saying ‘flipping heck’

[porkincider]

At pick up yesterday the teacher asked me to wait behind for a minute as my 8yo Ds had been put on red (they have a traffic light system- start on green, if really good go to silver and then gold, if naughty go to orange and then red. Get on red twice in a term and you have to go to the headmaster’s office). Ds has always been really good, he’s incredibly shy, hates drawing attention to himself and normally just bobs along on green every week.

He looked mortified when he came out and the teacher told me he’d had to go straight onto red for bad language during PE. Ds tried to say “I only said” but teacher interrupted and said “please don’t say it again, you’ll only get yourself into more trouble”. Anyway, he apologised, we walked home and that was that.

I asked him what he’d said and why when we got home and he told me he missed a goal in PE and said “oh, flipping heck”. I asked him if he was sure that was what he’d said, that he hadn’t said the F word but he was adamant he hadn’t and was in tears of frustration at this point as he kept trying to tell the teacher what he’d said but she just kept telling her not to repeat it.

I messaged the teacher on the school app and said “Ds is very sorry for upsetting you today. He’s adamant that he only said ‘flipping heck’ though and wanted me just tell you that he would never say anything ruder than that either at school or at home”. Teacher immediately messaged back to say that she was aware that was what he’d said, it was more the tone that he’d said it in that she was disappointed about (which wasn’t what she’d told me at pick up) and that I needed to ensure that he was aware that language of that type is not acceptable at school.

Is ‘flipping heck’ rude? I say it all the time and I’m certain that is where he’s picked it up from but I’ve never told him not to say it. I thought it was just a nonsense exclamation.

I hardly ever swear (unless I bang my toe and a swear word pops out by accident). My vernacular is probably the tamest of anyone I know. I say 'sugar' and 'gosh' even when kids aren't around. Just some context for the fact that I think the teacher has seriously overreacted! As a pp said, we all need some kind of language to show frustration and if it's ok in pre watershed Coronation Street, it's ok by me!

Primary school teacher here.

I put children straight onto a red card for saying fuck or fucking. I would also speak to their parents.

Words like bloody, shit or crap I would explain that some people consider swearing and some people wouldn't but either way they aren't acceptable for school. Probably an orange card for someone using the words if I'd previously spoken to them. I had a conversation about this in class last week because one pupil told me that another one had sworn. That pupil was genuinely nonplussed because he didn't think that bloody was swearing and he also assured me that he hadn't sworn at his friend; he'd called him a "bloody legend" and thought he was being nice.

Flipping heck wouldn't bother me at all. If I gave an instruction (eg "Stop talking and get on with your work") and heard a child mutter "flipping heck" then there might be a consequence for their attitude and lack of respect but not for the words themselves.

That is not a swear word. It would literally not even occur to me to reprimand a child for saying that. Maybe I’m wrong…

I call parents if children actually swear where I can hear them or if I have been made aware of it by another adult or child. The majority of the time, unless it’s said in an aggressive way, I couldn’t care less about them swearing, but they have to know it’s not appropriate in certain environments. I wouldn’t say this is one of those cases, though.

@WiddlinDiddlin

Over the top.. but much more horrifying is the traffic light system with kids photos on the wall!!!!

Thats awful, public shaming! I would take massive issue with that!

Totally agree! That's public humiliation and peer segregation. I would be complaining to the head about that!! Or going straight to the governors.

*I wouldn’t say it around my dd and would be disappointed if I heard her say it

What? Why?*

Because I just don’t think it’s nice language to hear coming from a child. I wouldn’t want her to say things like “oh my god!” either.

Flippin' 'eck, what do they do if a kid does something genuinely bad, put them on a bonfire?

@HappyTimeTunnelDinosaur

Sorry, I disagree and think it is bad language that should not be used in school.

🤣🤣🤣 Don't be so utterly, utterly ridiculous! Only on an episode of Topsy & Tim is "Flippin 'eck" considered foul language!!!! 🤣 🤦🏼‍♀️🙄

Flippin heck is not the same or anywhere near Fucking Hell.

Its a harmless, regional phrase.

Flippin Heck is the polite child friendly way of saying Fucking Hell its only par with saying Pump/Trump instead of Fart or Bum instead of Arse, its perfectly appropriate for a child.

I would tell the teacher that she is not to override my parenting and punish my child for such utter nonsense because I garantee theres no school rule that bans child friendly frustraition speak.

Wow these children have to go out into the big bad world at some point. Let’s not pretend flippin’ heck is rude😬

Flipping heck! That teacher needs to get out more.

I once read a thread on MN where several people were of the opinion that saying the word 'fart' was unutterably crude and the only acceptable phrases were 'windy pops' and 'parp'*.

*not sure what makes fart so horrific and parp acceptable seeing as they're basically the same sound.

[quote Scarby9]@SuperSecretSquirrels
Round here, flipping heck is regarded as very mild, and almost amusing for that reason. On a par with eg. Golly gosh - another euphemistic alteration, this time for terms for God, so a way to avoid blaspheming (see also gee / Jesus).

If we are to avoid all these historic alternatives, some of which the dictionary traces back 300 or 700 years, and many of which most people would not link to their ancestral etymology, what would you regard as acceptable language to express frustration?

Any random word, used vehemently (eg Coathanger!!) could be used violently against someone or inappropriately loudly in a strop - the teacher might have had a point in correcting DS if he was over-reacting and shouting anything at all in fury (tho' not a red warning even then for a first offence). But to object to the words themselves seems inappropriate to me.[/quote]
Round here too sweetie. And personally I am happy with any word someone wants to use. I was simply pointing out, as you can tell from the other replies, that it is a direct substitute for fucking hell in many people’s view. Looks to be about 50% from this thread. So I’m guessing that’s where the teacher was coming from.

Same as someone saying feck, crap etc …said with the intent of being a mildly amusing in-joke because everyone knows what it’s a substitute for.

So what are children supposed to do when they're annoyed?

There's nothing wrong with being cross with yourself in the situation the op describes, so if he's not allowed to use a tone that conveys his annoyance and the words he says don't matter, what works be an appropriate way to express himself?

Op I feel your pain. My 8 year old was punished at an after school club for saying what the flip. They thought she was saying what the fuck, but at that time she didn’t know what the F word was to know why what the flip was rude, if you see what I mean. She had heard ‘what the flip’ on a YouTube video aimed at pre-teens and thought it was just like OMG. She said it in delight after completing something tricky for the first time

She was confused and upset and I didn’t bother trying to convince the activity leader that dd didn’t know the F word as I felt they wouldn’t believe me. I’ve told her ‘what the’ whatever is rude but the whole thing was frustrating tbh

It wasn’t at school to clarify - an activity after school but off site - no school involvement

Why did he say it? I think that's the important bit. Sorry if you already explained.

If I kindly asked an employee at work to do something, and they said "flipping heck" in annoyed way... I would find that to be very rude.

Maybe it’s regional then because I was consider flipping heck and crap as the same. My children would be told off if they said either. Flipping heck is just a less sweary version of fucking hell.

In Yoekshore it is completely normal. However it sounds as though the problem is in the tone he said it

eg.Teacher: 'Sam, could you collect the cones in?'
Sam: exasperated 'flipping 'eck'

All down to context.

Who cares if it's a substitute for swearing! It's not swearing! It might not be language that the school would want normalised but that sounds like a massive over reaction! They want to try working in a school in Glasgow!

Jesus Christ 🤣🤣 swear substitute? Some of you have led sheltered lives!
OP this is an absolute joke. Such a ridiculous punishment for a complete non offence! It would be funny if it wasn’t for your son being upset. I’m not “that” parent but I’d be really tempted to have a word with the head over this!

mydcaremarvel what is an acceptable expression of frustration for a child? Blooming heck is bloody hell, gosh is God, jeepers is Jesus, sheesh is shit, bother is bugger. All the exclamations I can think of have a ‘rude’ version of you want them to. Ds has never heard fucking hell though (certainly not at home anyway, possibly at school) so for him and most other kids it’s just flippin’ ‘eco. Nothing more, nothing less.

Perhaps regional.
There are a lot of opposing opinions.
I don't like "fart". It sounds crude to me for some reason.

einszwei he said it during PE when he missed a goal. Teacher told me at pick up he was red carded for bad language but then when I queried it she said it was actually for the tone

@porkincider

einszwei he said it during PE when he missed a goal. Teacher told me at pick up he was red carded for bad language but then when I queried it she said it was actually for the tone

So it wasn't directed at anyone other than himself by the sounds of it?