Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Punished at school for saying ‘flipping heck’

483 replies

porkincider · 19/06/2021 16:22

At pick up yesterday the teacher asked me to wait behind for a minute as my 8yo Ds had been put on red (they have a traffic light system- start on green, if really good go to silver and then gold, if naughty go to orange and then red. Get on red twice in a term and you have to go to the headmaster’s office). Ds has always been really good, he’s incredibly shy, hates drawing attention to himself and normally just bobs along on green every week.

He looked mortified when he came out and the teacher told me he’d had to go straight onto red for bad language during PE. Ds tried to say “I only said” but teacher interrupted and said “please don’t say it again, you’ll only get yourself into more trouble”. Anyway, he apologised, we walked home and that was that.

I asked him what he’d said and why when we got home and he told me he missed a goal in PE and said “oh, flipping heck”. I asked him if he was sure that was what he’d said, that he hadn’t said the F word but he was adamant he hadn’t and was in tears of frustration at this point as he kept trying to tell the teacher what he’d said but she just kept telling her not to repeat it.

I messaged the teacher on the school app and said “Ds is very sorry for upsetting you today. He’s adamant that he only said ‘flipping heck’ though and wanted me just tell you that he would never say anything ruder than that either at school or at home”. Teacher immediately messaged back to say that she was aware that was what he’d said, it was more the tone that he’d said it in that she was disappointed about (which wasn’t what she’d told me at pick up) and that I needed to ensure that he was aware that language of that type is not acceptable at school.

Is ‘flipping heck’ rude? I say it all the time and I’m certain that is where he’s picked it up from but I’ve never told him not to say it. I thought it was just a nonsense exclamation.

OP posts:
HeronLanyon · 19/06/2021 16:33

Oh dear. That was meant to be ‘sulky’ and ‘tits’ was to be ‘tuts’. Honest.

shouldistop · 19/06/2021 16:34

It's difficult to think of a more tame curse than 'flipping heck'.

But an 8yo shouldn't be 'cursing' at school, tame or not.

I do think the teacher over reacted though and should have just asked him not to say it.

KingdomScrolls · 19/06/2021 16:35

I wouldn't want DS to say it and I would expect a teacher to challenge it at primary age, but if he is generally well behaved a quick aside 'Timmy that's not nice language, we don't use those words at school' would've been more than enough. She's overreacted IMO

saraclara · 19/06/2021 16:36

@shouldistop

It's not at all a swear word or substitute.

It is a substitute though, a quick google will show you that.

There are all sorts of words that if you dig down into etymological history, have their roots in other less salubrious words. And we use them every day.

But in modern usage (as in since I was born in the 50s) it has never been seen as a swear term or offensive replacement for something worse. If it had been, my parents and grandparent would have hit the roof when I used it, and would never have let it pass their own lips.

arethereanyleftatall · 19/06/2021 16:37

Rude for me, I'm afraid op. It's not really a particularly rude phrase for an adult, but completely different that an 8 year old said it. Must be regional. Round my way, at 8 they're still saying 'Jack said a a rude word today. He said shut up.'

KingdomScrolls · 19/06/2021 16:37

@Arbadacarba crikey, gosh, golly, oh no, no way! The more American shoot ..... All preferable to flipping heck from an eight year old

SpudleyLass · 19/06/2021 16:37

Thank you for standing up for your kid.

It is in fact not bad language. And the teacher is on a power trip.

shouldistop · 19/06/2021 16:38

But in modern usage (as in since I was born in the 50s) it has never been seen as a swear term or offensive replacement for something worse. If it had been, my parents and grandparent would have hit the roof when I used it, and would never have let it pass their own lips.

This thread clearly demonstrates that some people see it as a swear replacement.

porkincider · 19/06/2021 16:38

kingdomscrolls I don’t think a child saying crikey, gosh or golly would last long around here 😂

OP posts:
MyDcAreMarvel · 19/06/2021 16:38

Flipping heck is like crap, not really swearing but not something you would say in school.

woodhill · 19/06/2021 16:39

Tucker in Grange Hill - remember- a bit of an over reaction and from teacher

Arbadacarba · 19/06/2021 16:40

[quote KingdomScrolls]@Arbadacarba crikey, gosh, golly, oh no, no way! The more American shoot ..... All preferable to flipping heck from an eight year old[/quote]
Well, 'Crikey' is a substitute for 'Christ' and 'gosh/golly' are substitutes for 'God' - equally possible to offend someone religious.

'Oh no' and 'no way' aren't really curses.

I've never heard 'shoot' used in the UK, but it's a substitute for 'shit' so again, no 'better' than flipping heck.

sbhydrogen · 19/06/2021 16:41

That would definitely have counted as swearing at my school!

woodhill · 19/06/2021 16:41

@Muchmorethan

Completely OTT. Lucky she is a primary school teacher and not secondary, as she'd need smelling salts with the language there
Absolutely
porkincider · 19/06/2021 16:42

I’d count crap as being rude but not flipping/ blooming heck

OP posts:
BillyShears · 19/06/2021 16:42

Sounds like this teacher has way too much time on her hands to be worried about this. I’m a secondary school teacher and we hear all kinds of colourful language but I wouldn’t even punish actual swearing if it was a one off from a good kid and not directed at me or another kid.... she sounds power mad!

Flowerlane · 19/06/2021 16:42

We have attended 2 primary schools now and had this been said it would not have been classed as a swear word and one of the primary’s schools is in a very ‘nice area’ and classed as ‘posh’.

I reckon the teacher misheard and now won’t back down.

MorriseysGladioli · 19/06/2021 16:42

I think crap is much worse than flipping 'eck!

BlowDryRat · 19/06/2021 16:43

I don't swear but I do say 'flipping heck', 'blooming heck', 'shoot', 'oh my goodness' etc. all the time. I wouldn't be bothered if my DC said any of those things.

Scarby9 · 19/06/2021 16:44

@SuperSecretSquirrels
Round here, flipping heck is regarded as very mild, and almost amusing for that reason. On a par with eg. Golly gosh - another euphemistic alteration, this time for terms for God, so a way to avoid blaspheming (see also gee / Jesus).

If we are to avoid all these historic alternatives, some of which the dictionary traces back 300 or 700 years, and many of which most people would not link to their ancestral etymology, what would you regard as acceptable language to express frustration?

Any random word, used vehemently (eg Coathanger!!) could be used violently against someone or inappropriately loudly in a strop - the teacher might have had a point in correcting DS if he was over-reacting and shouting anything at all in fury (tho' not a red warning even then for a first offence). But to object to the words themselves seems inappropriate to me.

Treaclepie19 · 19/06/2021 16:47

100% OTT. I know schools are funny about this and as teacher I would (and have) said not to use certain phrases but this certainly wouldn't have me moving a child onto red.

TheWitchCirce · 19/06/2021 16:48

It wouldn't be acceptable language to use at our school, but a jump to red on the (horrifically outdated & senseless) naming & shaming traffic lights is very OTT.

FindingMeno · 19/06/2021 16:50

It's a shame your ds is so upset about it.
I'd have a laugh about it with him, tell him I think the reaction is daft but there's not an awful lot I can do, and ask the teacher if she can make you aware of what other words she classes as swearing so he doesn't end up in that situation again.

laserboy · 19/06/2021 16:52

I don't think it's appropriate language for the classroom.

Classica · 19/06/2021 16:53

[quote KingdomScrolls]@Arbadacarba crikey, gosh, golly, oh no, no way! The more American shoot ..... All preferable to flipping heck from an eight year old[/quote]
oh gumdrops, you rotter!