Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Punished at school for saying ‘flipping heck’

483 replies

porkincider · 19/06/2021 16:22

At pick up yesterday the teacher asked me to wait behind for a minute as my 8yo Ds had been put on red (they have a traffic light system- start on green, if really good go to silver and then gold, if naughty go to orange and then red. Get on red twice in a term and you have to go to the headmaster’s office). Ds has always been really good, he’s incredibly shy, hates drawing attention to himself and normally just bobs along on green every week.

He looked mortified when he came out and the teacher told me he’d had to go straight onto red for bad language during PE. Ds tried to say “I only said” but teacher interrupted and said “please don’t say it again, you’ll only get yourself into more trouble”. Anyway, he apologised, we walked home and that was that.

I asked him what he’d said and why when we got home and he told me he missed a goal in PE and said “oh, flipping heck”. I asked him if he was sure that was what he’d said, that he hadn’t said the F word but he was adamant he hadn’t and was in tears of frustration at this point as he kept trying to tell the teacher what he’d said but she just kept telling her not to repeat it.

I messaged the teacher on the school app and said “Ds is very sorry for upsetting you today. He’s adamant that he only said ‘flipping heck’ though and wanted me just tell you that he would never say anything ruder than that either at school or at home”. Teacher immediately messaged back to say that she was aware that was what he’d said, it was more the tone that he’d said it in that she was disappointed about (which wasn’t what she’d told me at pick up) and that I needed to ensure that he was aware that language of that type is not acceptable at school.

Is ‘flipping heck’ rude? I say it all the time and I’m certain that is where he’s picked it up from but I’ve never told him not to say it. I thought it was just a nonsense exclamation.

OP posts:
thing47 · 21/06/2021 15:35

in a professional environment, you don't use colloquial expletives

In your professional environment, perhaps. In my professional environment people swear all the time, about work, about the boss and about each other Grin

ElephantOfRisk · 21/06/2021 15:47

In your professional environment, perhaps. In my professional environment people swear all the time, about work, about the boss and about each other

In mine, the boss is as likely as we are to do so, never with the clients though and again yes, it's a professional environment, but if no-one says or WhatsApps "FFS!" mostly about IT at least once a day then it must be a weekend or bank holiday...

looptheloopinahulahoop · 21/06/2021 15:49

@thing47

Yes, surely the whole point of using a substitution is so that you don't swear.

If the substitution is going to be punished in the same way as using the swear words, then you might was well use the swear words… Confused

Well, quite.
looptheloopinahulahoop · 21/06/2021 15:55

I remember "shit" being thought of as a bad swear word, but today it's common place and doesn't even raise an eyebrow any more

You might not raise an eyebrow over it but I would in a professional context.

Which just goes to show that there are words that are clearly unacceptable (despite some MNers considering it a badge of honour to use them, like the c word and the f word) and everything else is varying degrees, maybe due to one's parents' views or regional or other reasons.

But generally schools should only worry about the really offensive ones. And the idea of punishing a child because they used a lesser word than the offensive one is just crazy. Fine to say "don't use that expression please" but not making a fuss over it with parents.

pollymere · 21/06/2021 16:43

If you wouldn't say it to your boss you kid shouldn't say it in school. I might let it go if they fell off something but not if it was said about a student or teacher or to them. It is inappropriate language, even if it is on the milder side.

Emmylouisa · 21/06/2021 16:49

Hey, turning this around, if you went to parents evening and the teacher said your child doesn't give a damn about the standard of their work, was flippin' lazy and had a bloody hard job concentrating in class, would you think that was very professional? I think the language we use is important, yes children are at school to be educated and learn how to conduct themselves properly. They will make mistakes and will be reprimanded. As long as it's done kindly and fairly, and the parent supports the decision of the school, the child will learn to respect authority. Suggest the OP has a chat with the teacher alone and show some support for his/her decision. Teachers work under alot of pressure.

Nohomemadecandles · 21/06/2021 16:53

@Emmylouisa

Hey, turning this around, if you went to parents evening and the teacher said your child doesn't give a damn about the standard of their work, was flippin' lazy and had a bloody hard job concentrating in class, would you think that was very professional? I think the language we use is important, yes children are at school to be educated and learn how to conduct themselves properly. They will make mistakes and will be reprimanded. As long as it's done kindly and fairly, and the parent supports the decision of the school, the child will learn to respect authority. Suggest the OP has a chat with the teacher alone and show some support for his/her decision. Teachers work under alot of pressure.
Only because of the negatives. If they said she was flipping amazing it would be absolutely fine. Or if the teacher didn't give a damn about his handwriting if he got the answers right. My kids go to a state primary not puritan school. (In a naice area too). I won't support shaming kids for nothing, no. Sorry
Ohmygoshandfolly · 21/06/2021 16:58

The teacher overreacted. It isn’t great but it isn’t swearing and could have been much worse. I said the word shit at school when I was 6ish, I had absolutely no idea what it meant and was probably just copying my Mum tbh. The teacher just told my Mum quietly after school and that was the end of it, I didn’t do it again. Your DS’s teacher took it too far, it wasn’t even a swear word.

TheDevils · 21/06/2021 17:01

@pollymere

If you wouldn't say it to your boss you kid shouldn't say it in school. I might let it go if they fell off something but not if it was said about a student or teacher or to them. It is inappropriate language, even if it is on the milder side.
I would (and have) said it to my boss. In fact I used it in a lecture today without even thinking..... its used frequently round my next of the woods.
Emmylouisa · 21/06/2021 17:05

Yeah exactly context is everything, if you read at the OP comment, the teacher says it was the tone he used that was disappointing. However, if you think he's been shamed, then you have to look at that in terms of the degree of shame and if you don't fundamentally agree with the traffic light system, perhaps you should tell the school. Or find another?

Nohomemadecandles · 21/06/2021 17:09
Hmm
lazylinguist · 21/06/2021 17:10

Hey, turning this around, if you went to parents evening and the teacher said your child doesn't give a damn about the standard of their work, was flippin' lazy and had a bloody hard job concentrating in class, would you think that was very professional?

No. But that's a fairly formal meeting between a teacher and another adult that they don't know well (or possibly have never met). As a teacher, I wouldn't speak the same way in that situation as I would in a class full of children I knew well. And I would not expect a 9yo child to imitate professional adult speech. Besides, it would be surprising to feel the need to use informal language to express sudden irritation during a 5 minute parents evening interview. Whereas it would be surprising not to feel the need to do so occasionally in a year of whole days teaching or learning!

Some parents on MN seem to be under the impression that teachers are (or should be) grey, humourless robots who speak formally to their pupils at all times. We aren't. The best relationships between teachers and their classes are cordial, warm, enthusiastic and good-humoured, and not necessarily hugely formal.. We are in loco parentis, not in loco of boss or prison warder.

TheVolturi · 21/06/2021 17:17

Well I'm pretty sure Harry Potter says bloody hell, what would the teacher think about that?
Flipping heck is not a swear and I'm very surprised anyone thinks it is!

MaMelon · 21/06/2021 17:20

Hey, turning this around, if you went to parents evening and the teacher said your child doesn't give a damn about the standard of their work, was flippin' lazy and had a bloody hard job concentrating in class, would you think that was very professional?

Hey Hmm An alternative analogy might be ‘if your child kicked a fantastic ball at the goal from the halfway line and it hit the crossbar would you think any less of your teacher if they said ‘flipping heck, Melon Junior, you were robbed there - what a kick!’?

The vast majority of people wouldn’t give it a second thought - but as this is AIBU there will also be someone who vote yes just because.

lazylinguist · 21/06/2021 17:21

It's Ron who constantly says bloody hell, Merlin's pants etc. He also says "That was bloody brilliant!" to Professor McGonagall! I'm not sure Hogwarts policies are really to be emulated in real life though, especially their rewards and sanctions and their health and safety policies. Grin

TheVolturi · 21/06/2021 17:24

@lazylinguist

It's Ron who constantly says bloody hell, Merlin's pants etc. He also says "That was bloody brilliant!" to Professor McGonagall! I'm not sure Hogwarts policies are really to be emulated in real life though, especially their rewards and sanctions and their health and safety policies. Grin
🤣🤣🤣
memberofthewedding · 21/06/2021 17:39

Strikes me that too many of these schools behave like the Gestapo. Parents should get together and lash back hard.

Pretenditsaplan · 21/06/2021 17:40

I once got told off by a passing teacher for for saying pelican bollards under my breathe when i dropped my sons water bottle in the schoolyard and it cracked open. Apparently its all about tone?? And yes i was using it as stand in for bollocks but i dont think the surrounding 6 year olds would of worked that out...

Carrotinsaladiswrong · 21/06/2021 18:23

I once as a toddler (as recalled by my mum obviously.) in Nursery said “f**kin hell” that I’d obviously heard my parents saying and copied, my nursery practitioner told me to say flipping heck instead so….no it’s not a bad phrase.

Carrotinsaladiswrong · 21/06/2021 18:24

To clarify, I was told “flippy neck”. But it is blatantly obvious what the nursery practitioner meant.

missymoomoomoomoomoo · 21/06/2021 18:36

@30degreesandmeltinghere

Poo is a substitute to shit also

Can't imagine anyone being offended at the word poo being used...

I once got told off that my DS used the word poo in school....
30degreesandmeltinghere · 21/06/2021 19:11

Coz primary school dc should use......??
Excrement?
Feaces?
Bowel contents maybe?
Bonkers!!
In fact a load of utter shite....

HeronLanyon · 21/06/2021 19:13

At about 9 I was seen by the headmaster after a passing teacher saw me showing a friend what I had seen another student gesticulating to another student (the v sign). I was so angry and still hold that to be a major injustice !

HOkieCOkie · 21/06/2021 19:15

She’s his teacher and she’s in charge during school hours. So wether you agree or not she didn’t like it and that’s that.

HOkieCOkie · 21/06/2021 19:16

@lazylinguist Merlins Beard actually Grin