Punished at school for saying ‘flipping heck’

[porkincider]

At pick up yesterday the teacher asked me to wait behind for a minute as my 8yo Ds had been put on red (they have a traffic light system- start on green, if really good go to silver and then gold, if naughty go to orange and then red. Get on red twice in a term and you have to go to the headmaster’s office). Ds has always been really good, he’s incredibly shy, hates drawing attention to himself and normally just bobs along on green every week.

He looked mortified when he came out and the teacher told me he’d had to go straight onto red for bad language during PE. Ds tried to say “I only said” but teacher interrupted and said “please don’t say it again, you’ll only get yourself into more trouble”. Anyway, he apologised, we walked home and that was that.

I asked him what he’d said and why when we got home and he told me he missed a goal in PE and said “oh, flipping heck”. I asked him if he was sure that was what he’d said, that he hadn’t said the F word but he was adamant he hadn’t and was in tears of frustration at this point as he kept trying to tell the teacher what he’d said but she just kept telling her not to repeat it.

I messaged the teacher on the school app and said “Ds is very sorry for upsetting you today. He’s adamant that he only said ‘flipping heck’ though and wanted me just tell you that he would never say anything ruder than that either at school or at home”. Teacher immediately messaged back to say that she was aware that was what he’d said, it was more the tone that he’d said it in that she was disappointed about (which wasn’t what she’d told me at pick up) and that I needed to ensure that he was aware that language of that type is not acceptable at school.

Is ‘flipping heck’ rude? I say it all the time and I’m certain that is where he’s picked it up from but I’ve never told him not to say it. I thought it was just a nonsense exclamation.

It can't be a substitute word if the original word isn't known. And I'm sure lots of posters are thinking sure, the child doesn't know the words fuck or hell but I absolutely didn't at 8! I remember in year 7, getting a teacher called Mrs Condon who started off saying haha, we all know what my name sounds like, just leave it I've heard it all. I had no clue! Very confusing.

I've also found, living in a few different places, it differs so much regionally. As a nanny I had my boss (working from home while I had the kids) call me to what seemed a very serious meeting after work. Asking me if I felt my language was appropriate around toddlers and young children, if this was something I said regularly. I was absolutely wracking my brain, what could I have accidentally said that the mum overheard? Blimey. It was the word blimey, which I'd lightheartedly said while playing with the toddler. As in 'oh blimey riley, where could my hat be?' as I sat with the hat on my head making him giggle. I couldn't believe how offensive she found it! I was very careful with every single word until I left there, which is a shame when you like to chatter away with children. But she, being far posher than me, saw the word completely different.

There can be such internalised shame from being told off or punished for something you had no idea was bad. It's one thing doing something you know is bad and being told off, so different when you had no idea. It makes you question everything, I hate that feeling.

English is my second language and to be honest I’m very surprised by some comments and slightly worried now because I’d never know the difference if my son was told off for saying flipping heck at school for example. Flipping heck, gosh, geez, omg... all other phrases mentioned in this thread, none of them sounds offensive to a stranger like me, they sound rather cool even.

Flipping eck what a faff about nothing. I've heard primary school teachers say flipping eck to the kids.

Absolutely ridiculous. I'm a teacher and it wouldn't occur to me for one moment to be bothered by a child saying 'flipping heck'. In fact, I'd happily say it myself in front of a class, and I've never sworn in front of students in 25 years of teaching (not even when a student shut my finger in a door).

I agree that if I asked a student to do something and they angrily muttered 'flipping heck', that would be a different matter. But that's clearly not at all the case with the OP's ds.

I dread to think how this teacher would react if she heard actual swear words. I did some of my teacher training in a rough as guts school and one of the kindies called another one a fat fuck for pushing in front of them to go on the slippery dip. The teacher barely batted an eyelid.

Also, this teacher is wrong imo, but I do wish that people would stop saying teachers they happen to disagree with 'must have too much time on their hands' or 'are on a power trip'. I've never met a teacher who had too much time on their hands. And trying to control students' behaviour according to the school's policies and expectations is their job, not a power trip. I may disagree with the flipping heck thing, but plenty of non-teachers on this thread think it's rude - are they all on power trips too?

In year 2 between the teacher and another child, they taught DD a word she hadn't known. They were reading a book which referred to a wishing well. DD had a tiny little bit of a lisp and liked to rhyme things. Teacher called me over at the end of the day saying DD had said a swear word. I was shocked.
She'd said "pishing phell". Other child said "that's a swear word!"
Nice one. DD learnt that "pissing" ergo "piss" was a swear word. Never said it again, but it seriously wasn't a point that needed to be made at the time.

To add to that though, I immediately thought her "d"F had slipped up and said so to the teacher. Nope. There was me, a single parent who'd never uttered a swear word in front of her, keen practice always - same as I was brought up. He did let slip "fuck", "dickhead" and "shit" not long after. She knows those words but has never repeated them. Still makes me fume. Standards with young children should be maintained. They're like sponges.

If the child had said oh for flying fairies sake! It is language and how and why we use it. Children understand that and no doubt use far worse between each other. Total over reaction by teacher.

You say the children’s pictures are moved about the board based on behaviour. I can understand it might get children to behave but it’s also a bullying technique. To me it’s the way a teacher controls the class when she feels unable to do it personally. It also invites young children to pick on others based on their position on the board.

YANBU - ridiculous reaction from the teacher. I hate these sort of weird injustices that happen to young people, you teach your child to be respectful and listen to their elders but always draw the line at bonkers weirdo behaviour from damaged people who feel they are in a position to lecture others on the rights and wrongs !

@moremoore

YANBU - ridiculous reaction from the teacher. I hate these sort of weird injustices that happen to young people, you teach your child to be respectful and listen to their elders but always draw the line at bonkers weirdo behaviour from damaged people who feel they are in a position to lecture others on the rights and wrongs !

Have you even stopped to consider that it might be school policy and it has nothing to do with the damaged bonkers weirdo teacher?

Are these people for real!!! Flipping heck is not swearing. Some people need to get a life. Oh dear I need to lie down in a darkened room…

Tell him to say ‘ahhh feck’ instead and cite this:

www.irelandbeforeyoudie.com/the-history-meanings-and-origins-of-feck/

Ffs if it was just the tone then presumably he could have said 'talking teacups' and still be in trouble.

If your school is trying to ban all expletives whether offensive or not, that's ridiculous.

DS sometimes says 'drat'. I expect his teachers find it quaintly British (we are in America).

Seems people are sensitive to children exclaiming anything around these parts, more so even than adults. WHich is totally reasonable, given that children have a Much better grasp of their emotions than adults

My 3 yr old child was once accused at a posh nursery of calling the teacher a bitch. I was dumbfounded and the teacher made out it was something child must have heard from myself and my husband. It certainly wasn’t and clearly the teacher had misheard. I felt judged and uncomfortable at the setting, sideways glances from teachers from that point onwards. To this day my child has never used the B word and nor has anyone in the household. I think maybe the word was ‘witch’ or something similar but we will never know. The same teacher said that my child had issues and we would have a lot of problems with him. Child turned out to be anxious and incredibly bright. 🙄

Absolutely ridiculous. Not heard of the traffic light system but it sounds horrible and counterproductive. If a well behaved child is shamed for a non event, in this case a mere non swearing expression of how he felt, and is already on a red light how would they be punished if they really did swear, the expression might as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb. Your son won't I'm sure but there may well be children whose swearing is held in check by the traffic lights, and if they see someone being red lighted for not swearing, and realise they could get red lighted for a mild expression of frustration why should they rein in the swearing. It is like if someone got sent to prison for picking up something in a shop and looking at it and got a one year sentence, but if you actually stole the object you got the same sentence

Flipping 'eck surely cannot be a substitute for F.... hell! I remember back in the 1950's when the F-word was so bad it never passed anyone's lips young or old. Flipping 'eck was the expression used when you banged yourself or dropped something or someone told you something momentous.

Jeez people need to get a grip 😂 it's hardly shocking language 🤦🏻‍♀️

@Standrews

Flipping 'eck surely cannot be a substitute for F.... hell! I remember back in the 1950's when the F-word was so bad it never passed anyone's lips young or old. Flipping 'eck was the expression used when you banged yourself or dropped something or someone told you something momentous.

Indeed! Reading some posts on this thread is making me laugh when I recall my very proper grandmothers saying flipping heck in the 1950s and 60s! It was pretty much the only expletive that crossed their lips, because it had absolutely no swearing element at all!

The others might have laughed when your child said it, which is why she wants to make an example of it not being acceptable. It's a slippery slope, flipping hell or bloody hell or whatever seems normal is probably not appropriate at school. They need to realize there are consequences but don't take it personally, standards need to be upheld at school over what's acceptable. Your child will think twice about saying it in school, which is a good thing.

The others might have laughed when your child said it, which is why she wants to make an example of it not being acceptable.

Sorry - can you explain this? A child expresses legitimate annoyance using appropriate language and is in trouble because of their peers' reaction - how is that a good thing?

Hi, you've taken my comment out of context, it's a good thing that the child may think twice about using the language at school because they've been reprimanded.

School is intended to be training for life, in a professional environment, you don't use colloquial expletives. Learning this at a young age is good.