Punished at school for saying ‘flipping heck’

[porkincider]

At pick up yesterday the teacher asked me to wait behind for a minute as my 8yo Ds had been put on red (they have a traffic light system- start on green, if really good go to silver and then gold, if naughty go to orange and then red. Get on red twice in a term and you have to go to the headmaster’s office). Ds has always been really good, he’s incredibly shy, hates drawing attention to himself and normally just bobs along on green every week.

He looked mortified when he came out and the teacher told me he’d had to go straight onto red for bad language during PE. Ds tried to say “I only said” but teacher interrupted and said “please don’t say it again, you’ll only get yourself into more trouble”. Anyway, he apologised, we walked home and that was that.

I asked him what he’d said and why when we got home and he told me he missed a goal in PE and said “oh, flipping heck”. I asked him if he was sure that was what he’d said, that he hadn’t said the F word but he was adamant he hadn’t and was in tears of frustration at this point as he kept trying to tell the teacher what he’d said but she just kept telling her not to repeat it.

I messaged the teacher on the school app and said “Ds is very sorry for upsetting you today. He’s adamant that he only said ‘flipping heck’ though and wanted me just tell you that he would never say anything ruder than that either at school or at home”. Teacher immediately messaged back to say that she was aware that was what he’d said, it was more the tone that he’d said it in that she was disappointed about (which wasn’t what she’d told me at pick up) and that I needed to ensure that he was aware that language of that type is not acceptable at school.

Is ‘flipping heck’ rude? I say it all the time and I’m certain that is where he’s picked it up from but I’ve never told him not to say it. I thought it was just a nonsense exclamation.

It's not rude at all & that teacher was being ridiculous!
My oldest got pulled up for saying 'damn' at school (about yr 9). I remember being completely confused when he told me about the teacher giving him a bollocking, like we were suddenly living in some sort of puritan state.
Sorry, but I can't take teachers like that seriously when there are so many issues in schools that need attention.

What nonsense you speak Emmylouisa.

slippery slope and the child may think twice about using the language at school and you don't use colloquial expletives
Brilliant. Thankyou so much, you've given me a bloody good laugh this morning. All that over a kid saying 'flipping 'eck' which is absolutely nothing. !!!!!!
The "teacher" needs a long break in my opinion.
Talk about wokeness gone mad!!

Actually it's not wokeness, if it were, the teacher would have let it go, poor little snowflake needs to express his opinions in any way he sees fit. Teachers are there to uphold standards. Roll your eyes if you want to

Hi, you've taken my comment out of context, it's a good thing that the child may think twice about using the language at school because they've been reprimanded.

My apologies - why is the fact that they have been reprimanded a good thing? Why is modifying their behaviour on that basis a good thing? And where on earth do you work that saying 'flipping heck' would warrant a reprimand?

School is intended to be training for life

I thought it was there for education? Are you talking about a specific school that states that it is there to prepare children for antiquated professional environments?

@Anonymous48

It's definitely bad language, although of course it could have been worse. I wouldn't say it myself in front of kids and I would expect my kids to be reprimanded for saying it at school.

But it's not bad language. It's just not.

@strangeshapedpotato

What I find hardest of all to believe about this is the OP wants to tell everyone!

Frankly if my kid was swearing - not in private among other kids, but openly in front of a teacher, I'd be embarassed... but then again, I wouldn't have trained an 8 year old to swear in the first place.

OP's child did not swear. They said "flipping heck". Neither of those words is a swear word.

It's very simple.

your lad sounds lovely @porkincider id be pretty upset if my DCs were punished by such a punitive and demoralising thing as the traffic light/board of shame thing you descibe..can you imagine this being acceptable anywhere other than under the guise of"teaching them"..do me a favour!! little people feeling very big&important with their "roolz"..whoever implemented such twaddle would be hearing a bit of blue from me-a lot more fierce than the highly-inoffensive and very ordinary "flippin heck"..

@Aria999

Ffs if it was just the tone then presumably he could have said 'talking teacups' and still be in trouble.

If your school is trying to ban all expletives whether offensive or not, that's ridiculous.

DS sometimes says 'drat'. I expect his teachers find it quaintly British (we are in America).

This is what I would take up with the teacher who said it was the tone of what he said not actually what he said.

I personally hate the traffic light system for rewarding behaviour in schools as someone else upthread pointed out that if you just keep your head down and get through the day, you're not likely to be on the Green but if you would usually throw stuff around a classroom and you don't one day, you could easily find yourself on Green. It's very arbitrary. If you don't get anywhere with the teacher, have a think about whether you want to take this further. Sometimes it's about one pupil, sometimes it's about how a teacher treats a whole class of pupils, year after year. The same standard has to be applied to all, and it doesn't appear to be the case here.

When I was in year one, I was an advanced reader and was given the task of reading a book to the rest of the class.

I vividly remember it. The book was about a child using objects from their room to build something they could climb so they could reach something that was out of reach.

The book was simple and listed the items used. Some of the things added to the pile were books.

So I turned the page and said out loud "three books", as I was reading. Suddenly the teacher stopped, and said "who said that?!", and the entire class pointed at me.

I can't remember everything she said in response at first but I remember she let me have it, and ended with the exact words "you've got the sack".

I remember the class being shocked at this and someone asked if I knew what was meant by it. To my six year old mind, I thought I had been expelled and wouldn't be allowed back to school the next day.

I was a very well behaved and academically advanced child who didn't do anything wrong and was never told off. I was also very shy and didn't dare tell my nan or my parents what had happened. I honestly had no idea what I had done. I had no clue what had happened.

I spent the whole night in fear of what was going to happen the next day, thinking they wouldn't let me in the building, that I would have to find another school and that I would be in even more trouble for not telling my parents. I remember being terrified, feeling sick and wanting to cry.

In the end it wasn't mentioned again. But it always stuck with me. At the time I thought she had forgot, but I now realise "you've got the sack" had meant I had lost my 'job' of reading to the class, and I can only assume she had assumed I had said "fucks" instead of "books".

It's always stuck with me and even when I was in later years at primary school, I'd remember that day and my mood would change, and my stomach would feel like it was in knots.

It's one of the worst memories of my childhood and I think it has had a lasting impact on me and caused me to go back into my shell. It was in the late 90s but I remember it so well.

This thread has brought back memories of that and the general injustice of being a child.

@Lostonthefell

My 3 yr old child was once accused at a posh nursery of calling the teacher a bitch. I was dumbfounded and the teacher made out it was something child must have heard from myself and my husband. It certainly wasn’t and clearly the teacher had misheard. I felt judged and uncomfortable at the setting, sideways glances from teachers from that point onwards. To this day my child has never used the B word and nor has anyone in the household. I think maybe the word was ‘witch’ or something similar but we will never know. The same teacher said that my child had issues and we would have a lot of problems with him. Child turned out to be anxious and incredibly bright. 🙄

Maybe she misheard or maybe your child is just an excellent judge of character 🤣

Roll your eyes if you want to

It's about the best response one can give to such nonsense. As for your 'snowflake' comment - how very DM.

My kids are not allowed to say that in the home. I think it is rude. It is replacing a word that is even more unacceptable but the meaning/usage is the same. I see that I am of the minority. Perhaps from a 16 year old but not from an 8 year old. Would you say that to your boss at a meeting or with a client? I would not. I have had this discussion with my kids that language has different acceptability based on where and when being used. at school is not a place for it IMO.

@DysmalRadius

School is intended to be training for life

I thought it was there for education? Are you talking about a specific school that states that it is there to prepare children for antiquated professional environments?

Some people genuinely believe schools are like mini work places to train mini adults. It doesn't do children any favours.

jwpetal I would and have said it to my boss several times. Most recently last week when something had been delivered to the wrong site and I said “flipping heck, that’s a nuisance. I’ll get X to go and get it”. My parents are from Yorkshire and it was said constantly in that context - mild annoyance/ surprise and utterly inane. I’ve never met anyone that has told me it was rude, or winced when I said it and it just hadn’t crossed my mind that anyone ever would until last week when ds came home from school.

It’s not replacing a word, it’s using a completely different word (or 2 words) that an 8 year old would have no understanding of. By making this into something it’s not the 8 year old would have been left completely confused by the whole storm in a teacup. It’s utterly ridiculous.

It just isn't swearing and it's certainly not replacing any other words. It's an utterly innocuous exclamation. Kids can exclaim too. In the normal world, anyway.

If you'd rather they replaced flipping heck with "my word!" then you'll have to ban "my word!" too because that's replacing a "swear". Where would it stop?

@Dementedswan

That would definately count as swearing at dc school, tbh I wouldn't want my dc saying that. Might be a regional thing tho.

Fuck me, where do you live? Narnia?

Flipping heck is the most mild of mild non-sweary substitutes.

When I say “It’s utterly ridiculous” I mean “fucking stupid” of course.

My DS got put on red for using the "c word" as described by teacher

I was really cross and disappointed in him

Luckily I asked him about it before I told him off.

The "c word" he used was crap...

Would you say that to your boss at a meeting or with a client? I would not.

I use flipping heck in a work environment all the time.

I'd love to move to the utopia of the 10% who have voted yabu on this one. Flipping heck is swearing? On what planet?

@TheDevils I've used the phrase a lot too. Nowt wrong with it.

@Pazuzu

I'd love to move to the utopia of the 10% who have voted yabu on this one. Flipping heck is swearing? On what planet?

@TheDevils I've used the phrase a lot too. Nowt wrong with it.

Exactly!!!

It's totally normal and very tame