Punished at school for saying ‘flipping heck’

[porkincider]

At pick up yesterday the teacher asked me to wait behind for a minute as my 8yo Ds had been put on red (they have a traffic light system- start on green, if really good go to silver and then gold, if naughty go to orange and then red. Get on red twice in a term and you have to go to the headmaster’s office). Ds has always been really good, he’s incredibly shy, hates drawing attention to himself and normally just bobs along on green every week.

He looked mortified when he came out and the teacher told me he’d had to go straight onto red for bad language during PE. Ds tried to say “I only said” but teacher interrupted and said “please don’t say it again, you’ll only get yourself into more trouble”. Anyway, he apologised, we walked home and that was that.

I asked him what he’d said and why when we got home and he told me he missed a goal in PE and said “oh, flipping heck”. I asked him if he was sure that was what he’d said, that he hadn’t said the F word but he was adamant he hadn’t and was in tears of frustration at this point as he kept trying to tell the teacher what he’d said but she just kept telling her not to repeat it.

I messaged the teacher on the school app and said “Ds is very sorry for upsetting you today. He’s adamant that he only said ‘flipping heck’ though and wanted me just tell you that he would never say anything ruder than that either at school or at home”. Teacher immediately messaged back to say that she was aware that was what he’d said, it was more the tone that he’d said it in that she was disappointed about (which wasn’t what she’d told me at pick up) and that I needed to ensure that he was aware that language of that type is not acceptable at school.

Is ‘flipping heck’ rude? I say it all the time and I’m certain that is where he’s picked it up from but I’ve never told him not to say it. I thought it was just a nonsense exclamation.

Yeah, that's not an acceptable rule though, is it? Your "rules" can be challenged by other adults. That why we have governors and governing bodies& safeguarding. So teachers don't get to bully children because "my rules" .

It's an expression of frustration! Genuinely don't see who could be offended by it

I think teacher is wrong BUT I suppose the authority should be respected.

We know she’s his teacher and in charge during school hours..... 🤯

😂😂

The teacher has behaved like an idiot IN MY OPINION and needs to ‘get a grip’

@SilverGoblin

Those saying flipping heck is a replacement for fucking hell.

For some it is, for others it is just flippin heck.

Even if uttrered as replacement for fucking hell, you cannot punish or chastise for a synonym which someone did not use.

If your four year old said tuppence, you would not shout at her "you don't say cunt in this house young lady, now get on the naughty step".

You can only admonish for the words actually used, not the other words next to them in a thresaurus. Anything else is fucking ridiculous.

This

@HOkieCOkie

She’s his teacher and she’s in charge during school hours. So wether you agree or not she didn’t like it and that’s that.

Teachers don't get to make random things up like flippin heck is swearing, or it's not acceptable to use any word that isn't the standard word because it could be an alternative to swearing, eg poo for shit or pants for crap. As I said, it's fine for them to say to the child they don't want them using a particular expression in their classroom but for goodness sake don't fuss to parents about it. Parents really don't need to hear about every transgression, actual or perceived, that does on in a classroom, only about the serious ones where we need to reinforce a school's message at home.

emmylouisa as I’ve said several times the teacher complained about his bad language. When I messaged her later on to clarify that he’d only said ‘flippin’ ‘eck’ and not anything rude she then said it was the tone that she objected to. Her original complaint was simply about the language.

Also if the teacher said ‘damn’ during a parents evening I’d definitely raise an eyebrow - it’s a CofE school so I’d be surprised in that respect but wouldn’t think anything more. It depends on the context too - ‘he’s damn lazy’, or ‘he’s very lazy’ have the same effect on me, it’s just a word used for emphasis. If she’d said he’s flipping lovely or he works really bloody hard I wouldn’t consider that rude or odd at all.

Also I’m not put out with her speaking to me after school about it. Whenever a child gets put on red you speak to the teacher at pick up time about why. I don’t particularly like the traffic light system either - it’s done throughout the school and although my 8yo isn’t too fussed (apart from on Friday) my 5yo is absolutely obsessed with it and spends all day nagging the teacher about what he has to do to get into gold 🙄

@Pretenditsaplan

I once got told off by a passing teacher for for saying pelican bollards under my breathe when i dropped my sons water bottle in the schoolyard and it cracked open. Apparently its all about tone?? And yes i was using it as stand in for bollocks but i dont think the surrounding 6 year olds would of worked that out...

Again, this idea that we're not ever allowed to get angry! I would have been angry if I'd dropped & broken my water bottle, and I would have said something much worse than pelican bollards, if a pretty annoyed tone!

@lazylinguist Merlins Beard actually grin

Ahem. Merlin's beard is a common expression in HP, but I think you'll find that Ron (and Hermione once, under extreme provocation!) says 'Merlin's pants', and on another occasion "What, in the name of Merlin's most baggy Y-fronts...".

I'd have been relived if the teacher told me my child had sworn and I found it was flipping heck!
The teacher has gone way over the top and as others have said, if she was genuinely offended by it she should have just had a quiet word with him so he knew for next time. Also I hate these traffic light/ publicly shaming children when they step a foot wrong it makes me so sad, and if it's anything like our school the children who get in trouble regularly seem to get away with the smaller things and the ones who are usually so well behaved step one foot wrong and the teachers come down on them like a ton of bricks.

Of course ! You are correct , school policy to not use such heinous language. I should of stopped to think!
Luckily many teachers are inspirational and don’t get bogged down with school policies and enjoy teaching children rather than being jobsworths 😅

Teacher has wildly overreacted. I would speak to the head about her shaming your son publicly for using a phrase he didn't know was not ok to use. That traffic light system is appalling and has to go. All she had to do was say "I don't like that expression, Joe, please don't use it at school."

Parents these days use a wide spectrum of language at home and schools can't expect kids to be psychic about what is and isn't acceptable in the school context. That was a teachable moment and instead she made it a shaming moment.

I would write back and say that if she wants her pupils not to say something that their parents allow them to say home then she needs to let the children know so they have a chance to modulate their speech, rather than punishing them for breaking a rule they didn't know about.

Of course ! You are correct , school policy to not use such heinous language. I should of stopped to think!
Luckily many teachers are inspirational and don’t get bogged down with school policies and enjoy teaching children rather than being jobsworths 😅

Well if nothing else it’s a good lesson in dealing with bonkers people in his life.

Tell him he was fine, you know he didn’t mean to curse, but sadly there are people who will overreact to all sorts of strange things. As she is the teacher she gets to set the rules of decorum for her classroom, just like uni professors, and bosses, and his friend’s parents and that it’s up to him to learn the rules of those in charge.

I worked with younger kids for awhile at an after school program, and we always stressed…”these are the rules here, and we understand you have different rules at home and in school, while you are here these are the rules “. The kids got the message and adjusted accordingly. It really is a good lesson early on.

FTR… I may have raised an eyebrow or made that ‘hmmm’ sound that teachers use if something like this even registered (normally it wouldn’t unless there were younger kids in earshot). The same point would have been made and no lasting effects. Sorry your son has Pollyanna for a teacher

@lazylinguist I think I’d best force myself to have a Harry Potter marathon to remind myself

HOkieCOkie - never need an excuse for a HP marathon.

Bloody ridiculous. What a waste of time telling him off and discussing with you.

When my ds was about 7, he heard the c word from one of his friends. He thought it was a silly word and didn't believe it was a swear word. His friends were desperately telling him not to say it and one was crying as he went up to his teacher and said 'Jim thinks that cxxx is a swear word, is it?'
And what did your teacher say?
'It was strange mummy, she put her head on the desk and said, please never say that again and Jim, please stop crying, I know you won't say it again either! '

OP, this got a good airing, I like to read people's opinions on these sort of subjects. Well done for raising it. Hope everything's OK.

I have told my DDs off (8 &11) for saying that. It’s just plain rude and not nice coming from a child

How ridiculous Hesma
Flipping heck is not rude in the slightest.

hesma it's not rude in the slightest. It's a very common phrase used by children and adults where I live.

It's a very mild expression of exasperation or irritation. On a similar level to 'Oh bother!' Which phrases would you like children to use to express feelings of annoyance? Or are they not allowed to at all? It's odd that some people seem to expect young children to possess a level of total emotional control which is apparently not expected of grown adults!

Rather OTT in my view. If a child was sent to me in my school, because of being red carded, and the cause was this ...I would be speaking to the teacher about a more proportionate response!