husband got back at half 5 this morning

[bubblegum02]

hello,

based on some of the threads on here, I'm assuming I'm going to get a lot of kill joy comments and the fact it's the euros too but I am annoyed.

my partner said he was going for a "couple" last night. I am 4 months pregnant and we have a one year old. I went to bed at about 10 and heard him come in. when I looked at the time, expecting it to be about half 11 as the pubs round here are still shutting earlier than usual it was half 5!

what has pissed me off about this is, one year old has woken up at 7, we went down about half 7 and of course, he is totally dead to the world. he has slept in our spare room downstairs which is something I suppose.

he was meant to be looking after the one year old for me whilst I go out for lunch today but he isnt responding to me at all. or the one year old.

he was out all day for the game last sunday too, was out pretty much the whole of the bank holiday and last Saturday too.

I'm getting fed up now, I'm not going to be able to leave the one year old with him, it is like he is unconscious and I'm meant to be going at 11.

not cool - pre kids, it wouldnt of been an issue but think he needs to grow up a bit. not against having a bit of fun but rocking in at that time when you are supposed to be looking after your child the next day is taking the piss.

has ruined my day too now and he will inevitably be feeling very sorry for himself.

Wake him up and go out. It's his problem. Natural consequences and all that. Don't make him coffee or food - he's a grown up, he can do that while he gets the 1yo lunch.

I would let him sleep till 10am, then drag him out of the bed at 10am to mind the kids while you get dressed to go for your lunch.
When the dust is settled, have a chat about how he could be more considerate and possibly consider his drinking too as drinking to 5am isn't good for anyone.
But there is nothing to be gained by sending the kids in to wake him now. Let him sleep it off and prioritise your lunch out.

because I have seen other threads go this way, and I was seething when I woke up - wanted to see if I was being over the top but I have thought on it some more and of course I'm not unreasonable (no matter how much some of you try to get me to bite!) thanks for the sensible replies.

You should be massively pissed off, I agree with you.

I am not sure about other people saying "leave the one year old" - the man was drinking still I assume three hours ago - he is still drunk and will be when OP leaves at 11am. I would not leave my child (especially so young, mobile and dependant) with an extremely drunk person. That would be irresponsible. Fair enough if he had a hangover from last night, but not if he's only just stopped drinking.

I hope your Mum can help you out and I really hope you get out for your lunch, you deserve it.

Don't ever put up with this type of behaviour. It wouldn't bother me if I had made plans to do something else, but he has deliberately put a spanner in the works for your lunch.

If there's no massive drip feed your day isn't ruined, it's one night, just make sure he gets up before you need to go out.

Dh was out last night, fairly sure it was light when he got in. He's got to get up soon as I have a prior commitment. I wouldn't even pander to thinking he won't do it, he HAS to.

We've mostly been locked in for a ducking long time, I couldn't get worked up over this.

When he does wake up, he owes you a serious apology.

If he doesn't realise that, it's in the bin for him I reckon, because who needs a life policing this kind of selfishness?

Sorry your weekend has got off to such a shit start OP

What exactly do you want people to say?

You've a couple of hours yet and quite frankly I'd go at 11 as planned.

Annoying? Yes.

End of your day out? No.

If it's a pattern, then address it. My ex was quite selfish this way.

He is a selfish arse

I think this is all about a imbalance that needs addressing that he gets to do these things but you don’t

@idontlikealdi

If there's no massive drip feed your day isn't ruined, it's one night, just make sure he gets up before you need to go out.

Dh was out last night, fairly sure it was light when he got in. He's got to get up soon as I have a prior commitment. I wouldn't even pander to thinking he won't do it, he HAS to.

We've mostly been locked in for a ducking long time, I couldn't get worked up over this.

not just one night, works both ways

weve all been locked in for a while, not just him.

@bubblegum02

you are literally missing the fact that it is only him that gets this free time - I never do. but you're right, why should I be upset or annoyed the one day I actually arrange to do something myself?

we should all stay out until half 5 in the morning, the one year olds can look after themselves.

oh wait, no they can't so I suppose it will (most often) be the mum who will pick up the slack.

It's yet another case of mum = default parent. People are missing it because of their own internalised misogyny.

It's not fair and it's not ok. Your partner is being massively selfish and I struggle to understand why anyone would think otherwise.

@Willwebebuyingnumber11
Yes he’s a grown man. Also a parent.
He’s done this 4 weekends this month now, Op deserves a little break too and is fine to be pissed considering she’s done the majority of parenting along with full time work and making a baby. Him being up and organised to take over for the day so she gets a break would make a massive bonus and show he cares about her getting some time to herself too, besides he’ll surely want tomorrow to be nice and chill for him considering it’s Fathers Day.

It is thoughtless, but surely if you leave him sleeping until 10 am or so he’ll of had 5 hours sleep & will be feeling more like getting up? Don’t let it w
Ruin your day but similarly let him sleep until he’s needed.

*don’t ruin

@bubblegum02
I'm howling at 'cool girl' I'm 50, so you're way off the mark.

The phrase 'cool girl' is often used by all the pearl clutching women on threads like this and it's laughable.
There are some seriously controlling partners on this thread and some of the responses would be viewed very differently if you were male and your partner was female.

So he's an arse who regularly does this sort of thing and is also quite possibly regularly taking cocaine too.
Well why on earth are you with him then? Did you not consider this before starting a family?
You've got bigger problems than missing your lunch date!

YANBU at all OP, he sounds like an inconsiderate twat and I would be really pissed off too! You don’t need this stress on what should have been a nice morning getting ready for your lunch date!

Hide the thread op

You sound utterly furious

This will just fab the flames of your fury

This happened to me once, I had gone to the office xmas party and got so hammered i lost track of time and got home at 3am. My DH is in a running club and they go out at 7.30am for the long Sunday run. I had a 4yr old and 1yr old to look after while he went out running. I felt like death but we put cbeebies on for a couple hours while the hangover cleared and I coped. Noone came to any harm and the kids were happy with a chill morning. Yes its shite that your DH is so irresponsible but don't facilitate it by allowing other people to pick up his slack. If he knows he has to look after your DC then make sure he sees it through. No excuses

@BaronessOfTheNorth

You should be massively pissed off, I agree with you.

I am not sure about other people saying "leave the one year old" - the man was drinking still I assume three hours ago - he is still drunk and will be when OP leaves at 11am. I would not leave my child (especially so young, mobile and dependant) with an extremely drunk person. That would be irresponsible. Fair enough if he had a hangover from last night, but not if he's only just stopped drinking.

I hope your Mum can help you out and I really hope you get out for your lunch, you deserve it.

Don't ever put up with this type of behaviour. It wouldn't bother me if I had made plans to do something else, but he has deliberately put a spanner in the works for your lunch.

There will be barely functioning parents up and down the land today. I agree it's not a great parenting situation but I doubt a hangover represents a major safety concern.

I mean, I'm pissed off at him but truthfully I am fairly dismayed at some of the comments on here.

@bubblegum02

I mean, I'm pissed off at him but truthfully I am fairly dismayed at some of the comments on here.

You really are determined to be angry and spoil your weekend aren’t you

@MichelleScarn

*he is a fully grown man, why should I be trying to quiten the 1 year old because of the choices he made? To be kind?*

Urg, I hate how the 'be kind' phrase is seeping into bloody everything! It's such an annoyance!

And it only ever works one way, doesn’t it? It’s women that are supposed to be kind. Always. Even when other people are acting like arseholes.

Be kind= shut up and don’t complain while I behave however I like. I give anyone who uses the mantra a wide berth because it’s easy to work out what sort of treatment you can expect from them.

He might wake up in 5 minutes, stumble out the bedroom, make a coffee and apologise. He might have stopped drinking hours before he got home and couldn't get a taxi. Stranger things have happened.

If not let him sleep it off as long as you can as that will be safer if he will be looking after the baby today. Enjoy your lunch out and save the "conversation" until tonight.

I just never understand why people want a bloke like this as a long term partner/after the age of about 28. Going out all night is fun when you are young with zero responsibilities. The only people who carry on doing it regularly with young kids are people who are usually shirking their responsibilities leaving a partner doing more than their fair share.