husband got back at half 5 this morning

[bubblegum02]

hello,

based on some of the threads on here, I'm assuming I'm going to get a lot of kill joy comments and the fact it's the euros too but I am annoyed.

my partner said he was going for a "couple" last night. I am 4 months pregnant and we have a one year old. I went to bed at about 10 and heard him come in. when I looked at the time, expecting it to be about half 11 as the pubs round here are still shutting earlier than usual it was half 5!

what has pissed me off about this is, one year old has woken up at 7, we went down about half 7 and of course, he is totally dead to the world. he has slept in our spare room downstairs which is something I suppose.

he was meant to be looking after the one year old for me whilst I go out for lunch today but he isnt responding to me at all. or the one year old.

he was out all day for the game last sunday too, was out pretty much the whole of the bank holiday and last Saturday too.

I'm getting fed up now, I'm not going to be able to leave the one year old with him, it is like he is unconscious and I'm meant to be going at 11.

not cool - pre kids, it wouldnt of been an issue but think he needs to grow up a bit. not against having a bit of fun but rocking in at that time when you are supposed to be looking after your child the next day is taking the piss.

has ruined my day too now and he will inevitably be feeling very sorry for himself.

Jeez. Let him sleep. But do wake him when you're going out

@bubblegum02

he will have been at one of the guys houses where they would of been doing cocaine until the early hours of the morning.

I dont think my partner does it himself but I know the rest of them certainly do.

Well that's a big drip OP. You're naive if you think he doesn't do it also.

That changes things entirely. I wouldn't let someone near my child who shoved a load of drugs up their nose knowing they'd be responsible for looking after them in a few hours.

we have both been out with this group before whilst they do drugs and he never has and is fairly anti them himself because he had an anxiety attack when he tried a few years ago - I was there. not making excuses (last thing I would want to do for him now) but I would be surprised if he participated in that.

I'm just being realistic about where he probably was at that time.

“So what if he's grumpy that's his problem.”

I can’t believe the number of mums on here encouraging OP to leave her one year old with her inconsiderate DH who is very likely to still be intoxicated by the time she leaves. Yes, it’s his problem that he will be hungover and very grumpy but how can any responsible mum easily leave such a young DC with him knowing he isn’t in a fit state to care properly. Why should the poor child be left alone to suffer his grumpiness? If OP can’t trust him to show respect and consideration to family plans then why expect her to trust him with her child in this situation and furthermore, expect her to go off and actually enjoy herself knowing he can’t cope with a hangover of that proportion and her DC wont have his full attention.
Op won’t know what sort of state he will be in until he wakes up and proves himself capable of looking after the child fully and properly.

@cocoloco987

Well it's not even 8am so I'd not write your day off yet

This. Let him sleep. Get ready and then wake him at 10.30 am. Be brutal if necessary. Let him spend the day looking after a child with a killer hangover. I’ve done it and it was a great incentive never to do it again!

You don't go for lunch at breakfast time, so I'm sure he will be surfacing by 11. If not a big shake will do it. Don't let him ruin your plans, otherwise he doesn't get to go to the pub again. I'm sure they had the dreaded 'lock in' but it was an England game so it's excusable once in a while.

You do need to be having some strong words though.

@anunexaminedlife

Really? You’d be able to relax knowing your one year old was with someone in this state?

He will be hungover, not pissed and falling over. He may feel unwell but we have all had to her on with it when we have felt awful but also have children to deal with. He will just have to get it together.

Epically hungover and sleep deprived

No way would I leave a baby with someone in this state.

Would you be happy to be driven by someone in this state? No

But happy to leave your baby with him?

Listen I’ve had a few lairy nights getting in the wee hours of the morning and still managed to look after my kids the next day. Not easy mind! Please ensure you go to lunch. He will be fine, tired but fine.

This is your life with him.

This is your future.

He's a waster.

Leaves all the parenting to you and you work FT.

What a life you have accepted OP.

This is who he is.

Terminate this pregnancy, leave him, and give yourself the chance of some bit of a decent future.

2 children, doing it all, waster of a partner.

It is ONLY going to get harder for YOU.

You deserve better.

just cant stand this kind of nonsense. I'm only 31 but think I'm old for my time! What the fuck is the point if drinking for an entire night and coming home at 5.30 when you're totally.miserable with hangover? It's even worse when you have children and here, its unbelievable because he knows he is responsible for the child today. I just cant.

Absolutely.

I can't bear grown married adults of any kind but especially parenrs behaving like they are university students.

He has a responsibility to his family whether you are going out or not. I can't deal with a grumpy, hungover, sleep deprived husband and I shouldn't have to. It's childish and irresponsible.

*You are being ridiculous. You and your DH are taking it in turns. OPs DH has had his turn 3 weekends in a row while OP has been picking up the slack and "being kind."This weekend was her turn, is a lot less time than what DH had on his turn, was prearranged and discussed and was the first time OP had a chance to go out in a month. Its clearly not the same as your situation which is actually fair.

By taking it turns doesn't necessarily mean ( imo) like for like at every opportunity.
Dh liked the rugby. I often did what could be considered more than my fair share when what ever the tournament was on. I said before I love December so dh would crack i n while I had parties went to parties and had a great time.

If Op doesn't get to go out then I agree it is massively unfair and I would be livid. In her shoes. However it is still relatively early.

@DinosaurDiana

If my DH didn’t come home until that time I’d assume he’d been in someone’s bed. Where does he say he’s been ? He is a selfish twat.

Really? Is there zero trust in your marriage? How sad.

Don't you ever have one of those nights where you're drinking/chatting with friends and the hours just roll by?
If dh came home very late, I'd just presume he'd had a great night and particularly after months of covid, be bloody delighted that he'd had fun! He would feel exactly the same about me thankfully.

Op this aside
Do you actually like this man?

[quote Littlefluffyclouds13]@bubblegum02
But your day isn't ruined?
You're annoyed that he's not up but there's still plenty of time for him to get up and for you to go out.
He won't be the only parent dealing with a hangover today.
Such a fuss about something that's not even happened yet, you haven't missed your lunch date![/quote]
ahh a cool girl. sorry - should of realised.

is it cool then that he has done this every weekend for the last month in some way or another?
is it cool that he wont be in any fit state to look after our child?
is it cool that if it was the other way round he would be furious?

of course not.

Definitely continue with your day as planned.

He knew he was on parent duty today, so he'll just have to deal with it, hungover or not.

I'd be inclined to stay out much longer than lunch and come back after he's fed and put the 1 Yr old to bed.

Next time he should think twice about getting into such a state.

you are literally missing the fact that it is only him that gets this free time - I never do. but you're right, why should I be upset or annoyed the one day I actually arrange to do something myself?

we should all stay out until half 5 in the morning, the one year olds can look after themselves.

oh wait, no they can't so I suppose it will (most often) be the mum who will pick up the slack.

You’ve been “accommodating” and “allowed” him nights out because of the reasons.., you do know he doesn’t need a reason to go out? He’s a grown man! It doesn’t have to be someone’s birthday and he doesn’t need your permission.

It can’t be that awful or you wouldn’t be pregnant to him again. I get you’re pissed off about last night but it’s the euros and we’ve had a shit 14/15 months with lockdowns etc

@Terminallysleepdeprived

My ex used to do this, hence being an ex.

Ice cold water or just ice on him, make him get up and showered and lease hi. With you 1 year old.

He fucked up he needs to deal with the consequences

Wow, that's horrible. Can you imagine if a woman had been out until the early hours and posted on here that her dh had done that to her in the morning?

So he doesn’t know you know he was out til then?

Perfect!

Act ignorant, and presume he did get in at an adult hour.

Cheery ‘Good morning!’, plenty of noise, and crack on with your day. It’s nearly 9 am, after all.

And if he admits what a little prick he is, and says he isn’t capable of looking after his own child, ask the wife/girlfriend of one of the men he was out with to babysit. Even if they can’t, it might shame him when it gets around the group.

Or just dump his pathetic arse.

@bubblegum02

you are literally missing the fact that it is only him that gets this free time - I never do. but you're right, why should I be upset or annoyed the one day I actually arrange to do something myself?

we should all stay out until half 5 in the morning, the one year olds can look after themselves.

oh wait, no they can't so I suppose it will (most often) be the mum who will pick up the slack.

😂😂😂😂😂

Stop being a martyr OP

@bubblegum02

he will have been at one of the guys houses where they would of been doing cocaine until the early hours of the morning.

I dont think my partner does it himself but I know the rest of them certainly do.

Mine was like this. I was clueless about the cocaine . It got worse. I'm divorcing him.

It’s not even 9 o clock yet. Give him another hour then tell him you’re off. Leave him to it. Don’t let it ruin your day

Op
Many of us think he’s unreasonable

You vehemently think he’s unreasonable. More than any other poster in fact!

So why start the thread?

@Littlefluffyclouds13 exactly! It would be “has he always been abusive” “aren’t you allowed out without his permission” etc it’s tiring

Wet flannel. Bang a pan. Put some loud annoying music on whilst you get ready. Or if his parents live near ring his parents to babysit son and 1 year old.