husband got back at half 5 this morning

[bubblegum02]

hello,

based on some of the threads on here, I'm assuming I'm going to get a lot of kill joy comments and the fact it's the euros too but I am annoyed.

my partner said he was going for a "couple" last night. I am 4 months pregnant and we have a one year old. I went to bed at about 10 and heard him come in. when I looked at the time, expecting it to be about half 11 as the pubs round here are still shutting earlier than usual it was half 5!

what has pissed me off about this is, one year old has woken up at 7, we went down about half 7 and of course, he is totally dead to the world. he has slept in our spare room downstairs which is something I suppose.

he was meant to be looking after the one year old for me whilst I go out for lunch today but he isnt responding to me at all. or the one year old.

he was out all day for the game last sunday too, was out pretty much the whole of the bank holiday and last Saturday too.

I'm getting fed up now, I'm not going to be able to leave the one year old with him, it is like he is unconscious and I'm meant to be going at 11.

not cool - pre kids, it wouldnt of been an issue but think he needs to grow up a bit. not against having a bit of fun but rocking in at that time when you are supposed to be looking after your child the next day is taking the piss.

has ruined my day too now and he will inevitably be feeling very sorry for himself.

[quote IndiaMay]@NeonDreams ah same thing then probably. People use "half past 5" and "half 5" interchangeably. I would always say "half 5". My American family are always like "half of 5? Like 2.30? 🤣"[/quote]
That's like halb fünf in German - literally translated as half five but actually means 4:40, which always totally confused me because half five in English means 5:30!

4:30 not 4:40 - fat fingers!

Yanbu. Where was he till 5.30 in the morning??

@CandyLeBonBon - thanks for clarifying that, it brought a whole new level of confusion into translation 😂😂

@youshouldbeplotting

Totally agree CandyLeBonBon

So many excuses for men's shitty behaviour.

Agree

@Littlefluffyclouds13 you don't come across well on this thread. Nastiness and baiting.

I probably sound self righteous but speaking as a new dad I think it’s really irresponsible to behave as your partner has. It’s selfish by making your day more stressful and depending on when he stopped drinking he probably isn’t fit to parent his kid that day. I’m not a fan of people behaving like teenagers when they have chosen to have kids. Nothing wrong with going out every now and then, but getting hammered and rocking up at home whenever when you have a pregnant partner and small child at home is not ok in my book. It isn’t behaviour I’d put up with from a partner. Can people really not have fun seeing friends and watching a game without getting that drunk and staying out all night? Think I’d have to have a very honest chat with them about it

I absolutely would not have a problem with my husband doing this if this was what was agreed beforehand. But you are not being unreasonable as you had plans and his actions have caused you to have to change them. I would be completely pissed off

Quite.

The OP - who has at no point suggested that she’s unhappy to be pregnant - asks whether it’s reasonable to be cross and disappointed with her thoughtless husband.

And one poster says, yeah, totally reasonable and the best response would be to have an abortion.

Jesus - is that kind of input permissible here?

The ‘Quite’ referred to an equally disgusted PP who quoted the post to which I’m referring.

Cant believe there are native speakers who don't understand what "half five" means, as in "see you at half five".

YANBU

Totally fair enough for him to do this once in awhile, we’re all human and therefore not perfect. BUT he should be sorry and understanding why it upset you.

I would also leave him sleeping until the last minute before I need to leave then wake him and see if he’s fit to look after little un.

OR, invite the lunch party to your house instead.

I dont think his behaviour is acceptable and it's not controlling to voice that.

It isn’t. I had similar problems with my ex and it’s one of the reasons he’s an ex. Looking back, I’m not sure what I would have done differently, but I think I put up with it for way longer than I should have. In your position yesterday, I’d probably have done much the same as you, including returning at the end of the day and experiencing this:

I've not long got in. he is awake. cant be bothered to have words right now, I've had a really good day and I'm knackered now

It’s hard to tackle after the event, but I wish I’d done more. My parents weren’t nearby, but had they been, I might in your shoes, have stayed away yesterday and not communicated until he got in touch, assuming that had been a possibility. He needs a clear message that you will not put up with this behaviour.

I agree you haven’t created the problem, but if you want it to stop, you have to show him there are consequences. I failed to do that and eventually left after mine behaved in an utterly irresponsible way around my young adult children when drunk and caused them huge distress.

I had a very similar situation in that it only became a problem when we had children and then I feared being a single parent. But for the sake of my children, I probably should have left him and raised them myself. His actions are a demonstration that he doesn’t respect you, or them. Not sure if you can, through your actions, make him respect you, but I think you need to try, and if you fail, you might need to consider whether this is a healthy relationship dynamic for your children to see.

Best of luck.

YANBU @bubblegum02i, it’s totally selfish behaviour from your husband 😡 On the one day you had plans and arranged that he has sole parenting duties for a couple of hours, he decides to get so hammered he can't. If it wasn't for your Mum stepping in at the last moment you'd not have been able to go out. What makes it worse is that he's been out with his mates and let his hair down for the previous few weekends, so he's had time off. It would anger me so much to have to discuss parental and relationship responsibilities with a partner after shit like this.

I must admit I had similar thoughts to a PP, who mentioned calling an ambulance at 7:30am when you couldn't rouse him the first time, pretending you thought he must have come home at 11pm as arranged. Maybe getting his stomach pumped and a telling off in hospital would've shamed him. But that would just be a waste of NHS services so wouldn't do it. Nice little dream though 😈

@Fruby

YANBU

Totally fair enough for him to do this once in awhile, we’re all human and therefore not perfect. BUT he should be sorry and understanding why it upset you.

I would also leave him sleeping until the last minute before I need to leave then wake him and see if he’s fit to look after little un.

OR, invite the lunch party to your house instead.

You might want to read the full thread?

I think you have put up with way to much from this man as he is acting like he is single with no responsibilities at all,is he 17.
I would not leave a child of any age in his care today even if it means cancelling lunch so be it.
I feel sorry for you missing lunch as a mum you deserve your free time,he's a twat though

@Cam77

Cant believe there are native speakers who don't understand what "half five" means, as in "see you at half five".

@Cam77 Not all of us are from the UK. It seems to me like broken English because the 'past' is omitted. Half 5 makes no logical sense.

I've never understood what Americans mean when they say 'a quarter of five'. Is that quarter to, or quarter past?

Glad to read that you went out and hope you had a lovely time. Your husband needs to cop himself on and start being more responsible. I’d be heading off with my one year old today and letting him fend for himself, for the day. I’d probably actually arrange for my child and I to stay over with my mum if she has the room, and rock up tomorrow at 9am or whatever. Give him a taste of his own medicine!

@CandyLeBonBon I saw that and thought what the hell, in Germany it means 4.40?? so glad you corrected it or I might have been confused forever!

The half past the hour instead of halfway to was one of the hardest things for me to get used to when I moved from home (Denmark) to the U.K.

[quote Ninkanink]@CandyLeBonBon I saw that and thought what the hell, in Germany it means 4.40?? so glad you corrected it or I might have been confused forever!

The half past the hour instead of halfway to was one of the hardest things for me to get used to when I moved from home (Denmark) to the U.K.[/quote]
Sorry!!! 😂

"@Cam77 Not all of us are from the UK. It seems to me like broken English because the 'past' is omitted. Half 5 makes no logical sense."

But if you think about it it's only going to be half past or half to.

Here in Germany "Halb fünf"-half five is half to five, so half (past) four in UK!

Are people really describing ''half five'' as broken English?
Bloody hell.

I would say that. Everybody knows that it means half past. Jeez!

Really hope you haven't made a big deal of Father's day, if in the UK, cause he's a shit one,going out every weekend with his druggie mates and coming home in the morning so drunk/drugged that he's unwakeable 5 hours later.

Honestly, get rid now. You don't need a binge drinker with druggie mates and a problem saying no around your kids.
You'll get to the same place in a decade anyhow most likely by the time the resentment gets enough to leave.

Kick him to his mums, might be the shock he needs to stop

@Labradooodle

Are people really describing ''half five'' as broken English? Bloody hell.

I would say that. Everybody knows that it means half past. Jeez!

Not everyone is British.

And ‘everyone’ doesn’t know what it means, since in many other countries the term isn’t used at all, or where it is it legitimately means something quite different.

HTH.