husband got back at half 5 this morning

[bubblegum02]

hello,

based on some of the threads on here, I'm assuming I'm going to get a lot of kill joy comments and the fact it's the euros too but I am annoyed.

my partner said he was going for a "couple" last night. I am 4 months pregnant and we have a one year old. I went to bed at about 10 and heard him come in. when I looked at the time, expecting it to be about half 11 as the pubs round here are still shutting earlier than usual it was half 5!

what has pissed me off about this is, one year old has woken up at 7, we went down about half 7 and of course, he is totally dead to the world. he has slept in our spare room downstairs which is something I suppose.

he was meant to be looking after the one year old for me whilst I go out for lunch today but he isnt responding to me at all. or the one year old.

he was out all day for the game last sunday too, was out pretty much the whole of the bank holiday and last Saturday too.

I'm getting fed up now, I'm not going to be able to leave the one year old with him, it is like he is unconscious and I'm meant to be going at 11.

not cool - pre kids, it wouldnt of been an issue but think he needs to grow up a bit. not against having a bit of fun but rocking in at that time when you are supposed to be looking after your child the next day is taking the piss.

has ruined my day too now and he will inevitably be feeling very sorry for himself.

@diddl that’s exactly what l was thinking -why not throw in a BJ. Thank him for coming home and apologise for having lunch plans

@Macncheeseballs

The daughter may be happy to spend quality time with daddy and mummy gets a rest, 'cruel' is a bit of a stretch

Hardly 'quality time' is it?

@CandyLeBonBon

It's interesting that pp on this thread are very keen not to be judged because 'we know nothing about them' yet are quite happy to pass judgement on how bitter they think others must be. Interesting double standards afoot.

Bloody love double standards me It's what I come here for. And for a giggle.

Glad to hear it @Littlefluffyclouds13 - we all need a giggle

That doesn't answer my question though @Littlefluffyclouds13
I asked
So does he go out every weekend getting shitfaced and opting out of childcare duties leaving you to scrabble around for last-minute childcare or change your plans?

Do you really think that is acceptable behaviour?

I would be ignoring him for at least a week

@Inthesameboatatmo

I would be ignoring him for at least a week

That would be a pleasant environment for children, wouldn’t it?

YANBU. He knew he had to be on the ball today for your lunch to happen. I don’t blame you for being cross about that.

The going out most weekends, I would be tolerant of given we’ve only just been allowed to live a little again…. But I would expect equal time for myself.

The balance here is wrong.

I can understand why he wanted to go out and watch the match and I can also understand why he'd like a few beers with his mates and have fun, you weren't denying him this. But coming in at half 5 and crashing out all day like a teenager would make me question everything. He has no thought for you and zero respect.

@Lesartisansetlessansculottes

I feel really sorry for people defending the DH. Do you have such low standards for yourself, or just for other women?

Quite. It is unbelievable there are women who think anything a man does, the absolute bare minimum, is amazing.

I often just assume their partners are so, so bad, a man putting his own dirty underwear in the laundry basket is amazing by comparison.

Nobody who has healthy boundaries and self-respect could possibly think op’s partner’s behaviour is anything other than selfish. Pity them.

Although, they are also probably the type who like to be a martyr. ‘Dh had such a terrible hangover after his all weekend sesh, I made him a bacon sandwich and cup of tea while he relaxed as I ran around after our 3 children as usual.’

Who are all these men that can’t celebrate something without being totally non functional the next day? That’s not normal and certainly isn’t something a family should have to plan around!

@Wolfiefan

Frankly I wouldn’t be staying with anyone who thought getting shitfaced, staying out all night and doing coke was normal behaviour.

This. OP is in no way responsible for her husband's behaviour. He is an adult. However, by not taking firm, positive action herself, this type of event will continue to happen. Either OP leaves this relationship or she accepts it for what it is. He will not change.

Wow.

There sheer amount of women on here, who think this kind of behaviour from men is acceptable, astounds me.

OP, I hope you managed to enjoy your lunch out. Your life would be easier without that prick in it. Your mum seems to be doing a far better job at supporting you, he is just a hindrance.

@Veterinari

That doesn't answer my question though *@Littlefluffyclouds13* I asked So does he go out every weekend getting shitfaced and opting out of childcare duties leaving you to scrabble around for last-minute childcare or change your plans?

Do you really think that is acceptable behaviour?

No he doesn't but nobody knows if ops dh was 'shit faced' and she made the decision he was incapable of looking after their dc before he'd even got up. Ridiculous.

Both dh & I have both returned home drunk, waaaay later than planned many times and we treat each other the same way.
I'll bring him a cuppa in bed at some point, possibly laugh with him about how rough he feels and if I have plans, not get hysterical on Mumsnet but continue as normal and leave dh hungover but perfectly capable of parental duties.
And he does exactly the same for me.

Op doesn't have this life and the imbalance isn't fair but not all men who go out drinking and roll in late are like her dh.

So to all the people on here howling about men who 'do this' please just get a grip or have a decent night out (or both)

@Firevixen

Wow.

There sheer amount of women on here, who think this kind of behaviour from men is acceptable, astounds me.

OP, I hope you managed to enjoy your lunch out. Your life would be easier without that prick in it. Your mum seems to be doing a far better job at supporting you, he is just a hindrance.

Because you definitely have enough information about a total strangers life to give that advice. Astonishing.

He is out of order, there's no way I'd leave a year old at 11am with someone who's come in at 5:30 after a night out. It's reasonable for OP to ask if he would be safe to drive if he took a breathalyser test?Is he likely to fall asleep and not be aware of what the baby is doing?

At least she's been able to have back up from her mum.

Personally, if this had happened to me, I would have thrown a bucket of ice cold water over him on my way out. Always good old grandmothers to the babysitting sitting rescue!

Next time there is a match on and he thinks he's going out, I would have walked out of the house a while beforehand and left him with the child so he couldn't go anywhere as well. Honestly, I couldn't be with a man who behaved like this and didn't think our child was his responsibility as well. I would lose all respect for him and certainly couldn't fancy him after seeing him in a drunken state, snoring his head off. Men behave like this because they can get away with it over and over again.

@Littlefluffyclouds13 'No he doesn't but nobody knows if ops dh was 'shit faced' and she made the decision he was incapable of looking after their dc before he'd even got up. Ridiculous.'

From the information OP has provided, he was not in any fit state to be looking after their 1 year old. He wouldn't even wake up.

Maybe if he rocked up pissed as a fart at midnight and was able to get a decent nights sleep there wouldn't be this issue. But he rocked up at 5:30am and rendered himself incapable of looking after his child as planned.

Well I'd be furious in the circumstabces the OP describes.

And I am really only commenting because I am hoping to hear an update from the OP that he was contrite and red faced and thoroughly ashamed of himself.

I have to say my jaw dropped at the friend of a pp who re-arranged her own fucking vaccine (in a pandemic) because she knew her husband could not be relied upon today. That's appalling.

She couldmnt wake him up several time till 11am of course he was bloody drunk-or worse

No he doesn't but nobody knows if ops dh was 'shit faced' and she made the decision he was incapable of looking after their dc before he'd even got up.
Ok - so why else might he have been absolutely un-rouseable after a night where he'd planned to drink and ended up getting in at 5.30am? He's clearly not just 'asleep' so what's your reasoning?

Ridiculous.
So, Please do share your non-ridiculous explanation

Both dh & I have both returned home drunk, waaaay later than planned many times and we treat each other the same way. I'll bring him a cuppa in bed at some point, possibly laugh with him about how rough he feels and if I have plans, not get hysterical on Mumsnet but continue as normal and leave dh hungover but perfectly capable of parental duties.

Sounds like your DH is conscious and able to laugh and drink tea - which of the OP's posts indicates her DH had a similar capacity? You seem to be projecting an awful lot based on your personal experience and ignoring the actual information given by the OP which is quite different Also - nice bit of internalised misogyny in your insult there!

And he does exactly the same for me.
OP's DH doesn't - again you seem to be ignoring the rather obvious differences

Op doesn't have this life and the imbalance isn't fair but not all men who go out drinking and roll in late are like her dh.
No she doesn't - so rather than gloat about your fantastic marriage and berate the OP, why not empathise with a woman who clearly has a different experience to you?

So to all the people on here howling about men who 'do this' please just get a grip or have a decent night out (or both)
Well clearly some men do do this as described by a number of women. No one said all men do. And your insistence on NAMALTing and using misogynistic slurs whilst smugly showing off your about your relationship whilst slandering a woman who is having a horrible time is really unpleasant.

@Littlefluffyclouds13

@Inthesameboatatmo

I would be ignoring him for at least a week

That would be abusive

I hope you had a great time today OP. In fact, I hope you’re still out and come back late.
Father’s Day is cancelled for your DH tomorrow. He gets full daddy duties, no lie in, and a serious conversation about team work.
Hope you find a way to get through to him before baby 2 comes along.

@Veterinari

No he doesn't but nobody knows if ops dh was 'shit faced' and she made the decision he was incapable of looking after their dc before he'd even got up. Ok - so why else might he have been absolutely un-rouseable after a night where he'd planned to drink and ended up getting in at 5.30am? He's clearly not just 'asleep' so what's your reasoning?

Ridiculous.
So, Please do share your non-ridiculous explanation

Both dh & I have both returned home drunk, waaaay later than planned many times and we treat each other the same way. I'll bring him a cuppa in bed at some point, possibly laugh with him about how rough he feels and if I have plans, not get hysterical on Mumsnet but continue as normal and leave dh hungover but perfectly capable of parental duties.

Sounds like your DH is conscious and able to laugh and drink tea - which of the OP's posts indicates her DH had a similar capacity? You seem to be projecting an awful lot based on your personal experience and ignoring the actual information given by the OP which is quite different Also - nice bit of internalised misogyny in your insult there!

And he does exactly the same for me.
OP's DH doesn't - again you seem to be ignoring the rather obvious differences

Op doesn't have this life and the imbalance isn't fair but not all men who go out drinking and roll in late are like her dh.
No she doesn't - so rather than gloat about your fantastic marriage and berate the OP, why not empathise with a woman who clearly has a different experience to you?

So to all the people on here howling about men who 'do this' please just get a grip or have a decent night out (or both)
Well clearly some men do do this as described by a number of women. No one said all men do. And your insistence on NAMALTing and using misogynistic slurs whilst smugly showing off your about your relationship whilst slandering a woman who is having a horrible time is really unpleasant.

@Littlefluffyclouds13

All of the above.

And just in case you still haven’t grasped it, @Littlefluffyclouds13, when people comment on a thread like this about men who ‘do this’ we mean men who do what this man does/did, in equivalent circumstances with similar wider context.

I would stay out with your D.C. as late as you can. Let him wonder where you are. Let him remember that he let you down and wonder just how angry you are. Let him sweat.