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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

husband got back at half 5 this morning

941 replies

bubblegum02 · 19/06/2021 07:39

hello,

based on some of the threads on here, I'm assuming I'm going to get a lot of kill joy comments and the fact it's the euros too but I am annoyed.

my partner said he was going for a "couple" last night. I am 4 months pregnant and we have a one year old. I went to bed at about 10 and heard him come in. when I looked at the time, expecting it to be about half 11 as the pubs round here are still shutting earlier than usual it was half 5!

what has pissed me off about this is, one year old has woken up at 7, we went down about half 7 and of course, he is totally dead to the world. he has slept in our spare room downstairs which is something I suppose.

he was meant to be looking after the one year old for me whilst I go out for lunch today but he isnt responding to me at all. or the one year old.

he was out all day for the game last sunday too, was out pretty much the whole of the bank holiday and last Saturday too.

I'm getting fed up now, I'm not going to be able to leave the one year old with him, it is like he is unconscious and I'm meant to be going at 11.

not cool - pre kids, it wouldnt of been an issue but think he needs to grow up a bit. not against having a bit of fun but rocking in at that time when you are supposed to be looking after your child the next day is taking the piss.

has ruined my day too now and he will inevitably be feeling very sorry for himself.

OP posts:
headintheproverbial · 19/06/2021 09:14

Get ready for your lunch and try waking him again at 10.45. You might have more luck if he's slept got a 6 hours rather than 2.

KatieKat88 · 19/06/2021 09:14

I'd just leave him until 30 minutes until you need to leave, wake him up, get him to take over, you go? Unless he's still drunk or can't be woken he'll be able to cope while you're out. And if he finds it challenging he may think more carefully about how late he stays out next time. Why should you or your mum be put out? If he is drunk still obviously that's different and I'd be having a very honest conversation with him when sober about how to move forward because you deserve down time and a reliable partner in raising your children. If he isn't willing to be that person then you have a bigger issue and decisions to make.

Sometimesfraught82 · 19/06/2021 09:15

@nobrainnostyle

I’m divorced Grin

NichyNoo · 19/06/2021 09:15

Wake him up at 10.30 and leave the baby with him. If you let him avoid parenting duties then it sets the precedent for the next time and he’ll know he can get simply get drunk night before if he wants to avoid parenting duties. We’ve all looked after kids with a hangover. He’ll cope.

MrsWhites · 19/06/2021 09:15

Some of these comments are ridiculous!

He’s been out twice in a week, not to mention the weekend before, he has a history of not being able to handle hangovers, knows he is looking after his child today but still chose to stay out until 5.30 in the morning. How could anyone believe that they are suitable to look after a 1 year old adequately after drinking for up to 10 hours and having a maximum of 5 hours sleep?

Yet lots of you are telling the OP that she is wrong to be annoyed and that she should make him a fucking bacon sandwich!!

HighlandCowbag · 19/06/2021 09:16

I, like probably most of us, used to be a party animal. 5.30am was reasonably early for a friday night, especially after an event like football or a bank holiday weekend.

However I had kids and grew the fuck up. Lots of parents grow the fuck up and realise that actually, no big night out is worth the 2 day hangover/exhaustion while parenting. The parents that don't have another parent at home picking up the slack, usually seething with resentment. He wouldn't do shit like this on a weekday night because he has to work and his boss would be mightily pissed off if he rolled in unable to function. It's only the other parent that gets told 'actually I don't care enough about my responsibilities as a father and a husband to stop drinking at a time that I can then function properly the next day'.

That's basically what he is doing. There will always be an excuse. Bank holiday, football, sunny weather, someones birthday, Friday.

It's shit.

Guzzlingguzz · 19/06/2021 09:17

You have been posting for an hour and a half. Seriously get on with your day. Stop spoiling it and getting wound up by being online. Wake him up when time for you to go out and have an adult conversation when you are back in the afternoon

SpeculateToAccumulate · 19/06/2021 09:17

You're right to be annoyed and your DP is a selfish twat. I experienced this sort of thing with my DH so know how it feels (Christmas Eve, I'm all dressed up waiting for him to come home so we can go out for a lovely planned evening, he rolls in from work pissed out of his mind - yeah I've been there).
Maybe tomorrow Have a serious chat about his behaviour and how it impacts you.
I hope you can get your weekend back on track.
And ignore the 'cool wives'.

BeastforLease · 19/06/2021 09:17

@RedElephants and there's more than one unit in a drink - 2.3 units in a pint.

So assuming he only had one pint per hour that's more than 20 units through the course of the night, and your body cannot process alcohol adequately until after you have stopped drinking.

So no, he will not be "fit" to look after a toddler (or any child) less than six hours after he's stopped drinking.

roarfeckingroarr · 19/06/2021 09:17

YANBU OP. He is an absolute dick. I would go bat shit if my DH did this shit now we have a baby. What an arsehole.

youshouldbeplotting · 19/06/2021 09:17

I think you have made a mistake here, OP. You should have made him look after youur daughter. Now he knows that he can do what he wants and you will pick up the pieces of any broken obligations.

Original poster
bubblegum02 · 19/06/2021 09:17

@MrsWhites

Some of these comments are ridiculous!

He’s been out twice in a week, not to mention the weekend before, he has a history of not being able to handle hangovers, knows he is looking after his child today but still chose to stay out until 5.30 in the morning. How could anyone believe that they are suitable to look after a 1 year old adequately after drinking for up to 10 hours and having a maximum of 5 hours sleep?

Yet lots of you are telling the OP that she is wrong to be annoyed and that she should make him a fucking bacon sandwich!!

I dont think anyone in their right minds genuinely think that but who can resist the urge to rile a pregnant woman on AIBU eh!
OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 19/06/2021 09:18

@NichyNoo

Wake him up at 10.30 and leave the baby with him. If you let him avoid parenting duties then it sets the precedent for the next time and he’ll know he can get simply get drunk night before if he wants to avoid parenting duties. We’ve all looked after kids with a hangover. He’ll cope.
If he's still pissed, that's very unfair on the 1year old, whose needs should be priorised here. You can 'teach him a lesson' at the potential expense of child safety.

But I'd be asking mum to keep hold of the 1 year old for a bit longer so I could come home and have a very frank conversation with my husband about boundaries, responsibilities and expectations.

Littlefluffyclouds13 · 19/06/2021 09:18

@CandyLeBonBon
It must take a lot of 'mental gymnastics' to reach the conclusion you have reached.

If one of my male friends had settled down and started a family with someone who regularly stayed out until the early hours and was possibly taking cocaine, I'd be questioning his decision just as much as I would a female friend.

Rubyrecka · 19/06/2021 09:19

Why are u afraid to come across as a kill
Joy? The man is immature and shirked his commitments. If it were me I'd be pouring cold water on him so he can wake up and face it!

kittenkipping · 19/06/2021 09:19

If he was up drinking til 5 then he WILL still be drunk at 10.30. I don't know why some posters are pretending any different. He won't be capable and frankly if you knowingly left your child with a drunk child minder bleating that you HAD to go to x and they were expected to look after said child so tough they'll have to get on with it! You'd be slaughtered! This is the same. He's not capable nor safe. Op you're entirely justified in being furious. He's a selfish twat

spanielstail · 19/06/2021 09:20

Why is everyone focusing on the adults not the toddler? If he's grumpy and feeling unwell he's got going to be going to the park, running around the garden and doing puzzles and building blocks. He's going to park toddler in front of the TV and ignore him.

youshouldbeplotting · 19/06/2021 09:20

I would honestly think about getting rid of him, life would be so much easier without having to deal with an overgrown teenager. Honestly, we woman put up with far too much shit from men.

Sometimesfraught82 · 19/06/2021 09:20

The person I sympathise most is in order:

The 1 year old -
The friend the OP is having lunch with
The OP
The OP’s gus and

Original poster
bubblegum02 · 19/06/2021 09:23

@Sometimesfraught82

The person I sympathise most is in order:

The 1 year old -
The friend the OP is having lunch with
The OP
The OP’s gus and

are you lacking attention in real life? how weird are you, I think this is the 6th time you've posted with no acknowledgement.

I don't care at all who you feel sorry for.

OP posts:
Sometimesfraught82 · 19/06/2021 09:25

Got my acknowledge in the end Grin

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 19/06/2021 09:25

@Sometimesfraught82

The person I sympathise most is in order:

The 1 year old -
The friend the OP is having lunch with
The OP
The OP’s gus and

Well thank god we all know that bit of information now.

Also why do you keep banging in about the OP being determined to be angry? Of course she's angry. You do realise you can't control your feelings yes?

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 19/06/2021 09:25

@Sometimesfraught82

Got my acknowledge in the end Grin
How lovely
Original poster
bubblegum02 · 19/06/2021 09:26

@Sometimesfraught82

Got my acknowledge in the end Grin
seriously, seriously strange.
OP posts:
baubled · 19/06/2021 09:26

For anyone who would be fine if their OH did this for the fourth weekend in a row, and it also was likely to ruin their one afternoon out is a mug, even more so if you would wake him up with an hour to go with a drink, food and a smile.

The OP knows what her husbands like, so she'll already be aware if he's likely to be safe looking after their child, he got in at half 5 so not only will he be dealing with a hangover that the OP has already said he's useless with but he's probably still a bit pissed!

If I was going out at 11 and my OH had been out the last 3 weekends and left me to pick up the slack that whole time, I would have been expecting plenty of time to get ready in peace this morning and not to have to worry at all about the goings on at home when I was out.

Ol

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