17 year old SD not bought anything for FD. Asking me 2 days before!

[Frankola]

My 17 year old SD has just text me to ask me to buy something for her to give her Dad on Fathers Day.

1 - she's 17
2 - she gets £40 a month pocket money from us and an undisclosed amount from her mother
3 - she has a job working 4 shifts a week at a fast food chain, equalling about 20 hours a week
4 - it's 2 days before Fathers Day!

AIBU to tell her to fuck off?!

@willyoujustbequiet I don't think you've read any of my posts beyond the initial one?

To assume my DH is an absent father is reaching I'm afraid.

She comes here 3 times a week. She comes on holidays. We just paid her annual car tax at her request last week.

He's not absent in the slightest thanks.

Dhs ex "refuses to spend her money" on anything to do with DH. That's why she has never helped DSD.

That stems from her being very unhappy that DH ended his marriage with her

I think I'd just say "why can't you, you're at the shopping centre on Saturday?" and leave it at that?

Depending on what she says would lead to my next responses.

Fuck off is a bit strong but yeah, I’d tell her to sort her own present. It’s not like it’s lockdown so nowhere is open, she can easily sort him a gift with her own money.

I would make a couple of suggestions of things she could buy. I wouldn’t do it for her.

I have this with my step son. Last year he asked me on the day, 'what have 'we' got my dad for fathers day!'

This year he's 17 and I've told him to get a card, reminded him to get a card, talked about Father's Day coming up.

He's still zzzzz in bed and hasn't to my knowledge got a card. I'll remind him again later this morning.....

I feel bad for my husband but at some stage the children should be making an effort. I think 17 is old enough to be together enough to get a card.

There are enough late night shops open that sell cards.

I’ve reminded my SDs who are 12 & 16 several times over the last few weeks.
I’ve sent them texts too asking if there’s anything they’d like to get him and I’ll order it online or pick it up. Asked them again a few days ago.

SD16 hasn’t even replied.

So tomorrow morning, my DCs (DP’s SCs) will give him a happy Father’s Day to my stepdad card and a nice gift, if my SC’s haven’t got him anything then that’s not my fault. I’ve tried.

Obviously the OP was joking about saying fuck off. The pursed lip brigade are out in full. I would have said ( have two steps and one son, all old enough to sort a card out for their dad ) 'just get him a card and pop round on sunday'. I would have been pretty disappointed in all of them if they asked me to do the whole lot for them, particularly when they still had 2 days left to sort it out themselves!

I'd give her a lift to the shops and go with her to choose something. I wouldn't do it for her unless I was going out anyway. A 17 year old is still a kid, despite being capable, and they still need support to be able to grow up. It's sad that so many people would be so rude to her.

Omg, some of the responses on here are laughably dramatic (BearofEasttown 😂😂)

I don't know if it's too late now OP but I really wouldn't offer to do it for her, it's just encouraging laziness. All I would say to this is "just pick him up a nice card". It's all that needs to be said.

@Hallyup6

I'd give her a lift to the shops and go with her to choose something. I wouldn't do it for her unless I was going out anyway. A 17 year old is still a kid, despite being capable, and they still need support to be able to grow up. It's sad that so many people would be so rude to her.

Ha ha the 17 year-old is driving around in her own car and has a job, but needs “support” to accomplish the hugely “grown up” task of buying something from a shop?! Don’t be ridiculous!

Ha, my 17yo SS has done exactly the same thing. He's got a FT job at McDonald's since he finished college and is bringing home £350 a week, and his mum gives him £100 a month and his dad gives him £50 a month.

He's actually on more money than me.

I said no, very firmly, and said that he needs to go into town to get something himself today before work (he's on 4-11, but so far he's not showing any signs of actually moving).

I don't think I've ever asked my step mum to sort out a father's day present for my dad and I don't even live in the same country. My oqrents split when I was 15 and from then on it was my responsibility to sort.

I'm sure a 17 year old is capable of buying a card, ordering one online or even making a card. I've been known to create a word document as a card and send it over when I've been useless.

If she was a child I would say yabu but at 17 you are totally right to say no unless she was in outer mongolia with no phone/internet/post/carrier pigeon but that clearly isn't the case.

@Frankola

Did you miss the bit where it’s stated several times she works in a shopping centre?!!

Don’t know what happened there with tagging but my comment was to @Hallyup6

This whole 'a 17 year old is still a kid' is so laughable! And my posting history will show how sympathetic I am to teens in general.

But I wouldn't have done this for my son at 17, no way.

My SD probably won't bother at all and I've read the children in this house the riot act on it and thinking about other people today. You're not alone!

YANBU at all!
I’d just ignore the message as pp have mentioned.
Your husband is her father and worse case he doesn’t get a card and his own daughter can explain why.
Mumsnet is so cruel to SP..

Of she hasn't replied then you can't buy anything.

She hasn't responded to me.

So I will add her name to DDs card and she can explain herself to her Dad if he asks.

DD18 made me smile today. 'I can't just give Dad a crappy Toblerone for Father's Day'. Me 'but he had a very expensive new barbecue last week so he doesn't want anything else'. DD 'but that's from your joint account, that's not a proper present'. I think he would like a voucher for a golf shop. Me. Are you paying then? Cue shocked DD face. Me: so I will be buying it from the joint account then 😂😂😂. To be fair she is a full time student who is owed money from a PT job so has very little income until next set of wages come in! It made me laugh though.