17 year old SD not bought anything for FD. Asking me 2 days before!

[Frankola]

My 17 year old SD has just text me to ask me to buy something for her to give her Dad on Fathers Day.

1 - she's 17
2 - she gets £40 a month pocket money from us and an undisclosed amount from her mother
3 - she has a job working 4 shifts a week at a fast food chain, equalling about 20 hours a week
4 - it's 2 days before Fathers Day!

AIBU to tell her to fuck off?!

@SuperCaliFragalistic

I'd help her out if it wasn't too much trouble to do so - it's pretty harmless. But I wouldn't go too far out of my way. Numerous husbands expect their wives to sort out cards and gifts for their families and the wives are happy to do this. Is it because she's a woman that she's expected to be more organised?

No, it’s because she’s 17 and old enough to sort something out for her dad, unless you live in the middle of nowhere. It’s called Fathers’ Day, not Husbands’ Day. It would be no different if she was a boy.

@Embracelife

Why does she need to get anything?

She can send a gif on WhatsApp free of charge .

Will daddy get upset? What is daddy expecting?

Wow. You’re trying to make this the man’s fault? That says so much more about you than OP

I'd reply with suggestions of what he'd like. I certainly wouldn't take the approach to my step children suggested here of pretending I hadn't seen the message until it was too late.

@homemadearmy she has bought for herself for him. Every year until now.

@embracelife DH wouldn't expect anything but a card

@annelovesgilbert my thoughts exactly

@guffaux that's a good shout!

@frazzledasarock

Respond at 11pm tomorrow oh god I didn’t see your message. Hope you sorted it xx

😂😂😂😂

I'm sure she could sort it herself. She could pick up a card and a balloon or something for a few quid from Home Bargains and it only takes 5 minutes. She's got loads of time. 😁

Would she pay you back?

I'm terrible at buying gifts so I might ask someone what he would like, and then if they buy it I will give them the money.

@supercalifragalistic no it has nothing to do with her being a woman.

I'm a woman. How is that of any significance here?

Also, can you please reference exactly where I have "slagged" off SD's mum?

My Dd similar age has sorted her own Father's Day gifts, in the same way she does Mother's Day.

I am split from her dad and would be disappointed if she didn't do something independently. She does run suggestions past me and I have given my opinion, so in your situation I'd make a few reasonable suggestions.

@snoozer11 I suppose I could send her some ideas and say "pick what you think, il buy it now and give me the money when you get paid"...

That's a good suggestion. Thank you

I would just text her back and ask what her budget is , and see what she says .

it's hard being a step-child, why make it more difficult for her?

How is the op making it “more difficult” for her? She’s 17 and earning her own money, and more than capable of going out and buying a card This really isn’t is a poor stepdaughter issue.
Even a daughter at that age should have to go out and choose her own card.

At that age, part of the fun is actually going out choosing something for your parent. I used to love doing that and still do. I never would have thought to ask my stepparents to go out and get me something.

@Frankola

BearOfEasttown Would you like to apologise now for saying that I'm "hardly giving a mother of the year vibe" "Or are you going to slope off with egg on your face..."

Nope. Not a chance. Not a thing you have written on this thread has made me think any differently to how I felt before or after I submitted my post.

And I think the only one with 'egg on their face' is YOU dear.

I'd ask for this thread to be deleted if I were you. You've really embarrassed yourself, and put yourself in a very bad light. Posting this and then trying to backpedal and say you obviously didn't mean it and OBVIOUSLY wouldn't tell your SD to fuck off is just cringeworthy. You SO meant it!

And it's very typical behaviour for someone who has been called out on not-very-nice behaviour, to then spout nonsense like people 'don't have a sense of humour' and they are 'so naive if they thought you I was serious.' It's a bit pathetic to be honest.

I think YOU should 'slope off now!'

My OP doesn't ever expect me to buy things for DP on behalf of his DD.

I wasn't suggesting that he should expect you to buy things on her behalf but I would be a bit disappointed if you just said no without pushing her in the right direction to help herself.

It feels a bit like an "I can't be arsed to sort it, can you do it for me" when it's 2 days before. If she didn't have the money she surely would have come to me in advance?

I would suggest there may be a bit of not being arsed, a bit of teenage selfishness, a bit of teenage disorganisation but also a bit of putting it off to the last minute because she has no idea what to buy, and a bit of reverting to the default of asking a parent/step parent for help. Plus some lack of experience. My perfectly capable 22YO didn't know about e-cards on Moonpig etc as he had never used used that type of site.

And it didn't take long for a supposed lighthearted thread to turn into the OP slagging off the SD's mum. So predictable.

I think it’s very relevant actually. If the 17 year old’s own mum isn’t willing to help her then why would her stepmum want to? Maybe the op and the mum both think she’s more than capable of buying a card.

@Xiaoxiong this. What did her last slave die of?!

@Hax

Well you obviously don't want to help her out. I would. MN at it's finest here. A 17 year old who is also a step child.

I’m the first to call out mistreatment of step children and this isn’t it.

I like the idea of you replying with present suggestions. It’s non-confrontational but gets your point across.

What are you, her bitch? Nope, wouldn't do it. I have no idea what my stepson has sorted for father's Day, if anything, and I don't intend to even ask him. He's old enough to organise something himself.

She works in a place right next door to a card shop, in a shopping centre, but still wants you to sort Father's day for her?

Yeah she doesn't want to spend her own money

@bearofeasttown perhaps you need to go scream into a pillow somewhere or book yourself in for some therapy to address your anger issues.

Can't believe some of the messages you are getting on here- just because you are a step mother.
Just tell SD she needs to get the card/present herself. She has plenty of time and it means absolutely nothing if you get it.

Some of the responses on here people either lacking a sense of humour or need to uncurl their hands from clutching the pearls too tight.

She's 17 and there's 2 days to go, she can sort a present herself there is still time. I think a few of the suggestions by pp of giving her ideas is a good one.

Also no matter what the topic the step parent cannot win, normally being told the child is nothing to do with you, let their parents, parent them etc. And yet now you are expected to run around after her like your her bitch...

I suppose I could send her some ideas and say "pick what you think, il buy it now and give me the money when you get paid"...

For all the accusations by PPs that my belief in helping a 17Yo is babying them, I wouldn't be doing the buying or paying for it unless she specifically asked to borrow the money because she couldn't afford it or she couldn't easily buy it herself eg she doesn't have Amazon Prime or hasn't got transport to a specific shop to buy something you can't buy elsewhere.

Interesting that she has always managed to buy gifts herself before. All the more reason to be lenient this time. I would be asking her why she needs help this time though.

@orchestraofwankery she is working tonight and tomorrow daytime.
Perhaps I should remind her the card store is next door to her

That way she gets him a card at least!