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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

17 year old SD not bought anything for FD. Asking me 2 days before!

171 replies

Frankola · 18/06/2021 14:19

My 17 year old SD has just text me to ask me to buy something for her to give her Dad on Fathers Day.

1 - she's 17
2 - she gets £40 a month pocket money from us and an undisclosed amount from her mother
3 - she has a job working 4 shifts a week at a fast food chain, equalling about 20 hours a week
4 - it's 2 days before Fathers Day!

AIBU to tell her to fuck off?!

OP posts:
Anonymous48 · 18/06/2021 18:05

@OrchestraOfWankery

Everyone saying that she can get herself to a shop and do it herself. Can she?

As she works in a shopping centre, in a place next a card shop, yes!

Maybe her Mum takes her to work when she has a shift.
InTheDrunkTank · 18/06/2021 18:07

Seems like a fairly normal teenage cheeky request. Just send a nice message back saying it wouldn't mean anything unless she bought it herself and suggest something cheap she could get (or if she has no money she could bake some cookies or whatever DH likes).

HaveringWavering · 18/06/2021 18:07

So her Mum will take her to the shopping centre with card shop tomorrow…what’s your point @Anonymous48?

Anonymous48 · 18/06/2021 18:09

@HaveringWavering

So her Mum will take her to the shopping centre with card shop tomorrow…what’s your point *@Anonymous48*?
Maybe she doesn't want to ask her Mum to take her to the shop to buy her Dad something. My point is that we don't know what is behind the request so it's impossible to advise the OP on how best to handle it.
Felifox · 18/06/2021 18:11

We were brought up from a young age to buy presents for our parents. At 17 your dsd should do this herself, especially as she both earns and has pocket money. I'd just make suggestions as well as reminding her to buy a card. I'd tell her that for her df it's the fact she's thought to buy a present for him is what's important.

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/06/2021 18:11

My point is that we don't know what is behind the request so it's impossible to advise the OP on how best to handle it.

And yet many people have managed to make perfectly sensible suggestions. Which OP has found helpful. It’s not that complicated is it.

HaveringWavering · 18/06/2021 18:12

But @Anonymous48 her Mum will be taking her to work and she buys the present and card either on her break or after she finishes!

OrchestraOfWankery · 18/06/2021 18:20

This thread is gold Grin

Perhaps her mum will take her to work in the shopping centre, for her next shift which is tomorrow......

user1487194234 · 18/06/2021 18:22

I would help if I could

Original poster
Frankola · 18/06/2021 18:25

Yes. I can confirm her mum drops her at the doors of the shopping centre. Every shift.

Mum would not be going out of her way doing this tomorrow.

She starts at her work, next to the card shop, at 11am, has a break mid shift and finishes at 8.

The shopping centre is open to 10pm. It opens before her shift. It's open in her break. It's open after her shift.

I've asked her twice why she needs me to get it and she hasn't answered.

OP posts:
Original poster
Frankola · 18/06/2021 18:28

@clutchespearlsandfaints @fuckyoucovid21 @annelovesgilbert yes I'm awarding my Gold Star Response to BearOfEastTown Grin

She got INCREDIBLY upset incredibly quickly.

Just call me (Not SDs)Mother of the Year Star

OP posts:
Anonymous48 · 18/06/2021 18:31

@Frankola

Yes. I can confirm her mum drops her at the doors of the shopping centre. Every shift.

Mum would not be going out of her way doing this tomorrow.

She starts at her work, next to the card shop, at 11am, has a break mid shift and finishes at 8.

The shopping centre is open to 10pm. It opens before her shift. It's open in her break. It's open after her shift.

I've asked her twice why she needs me to get it and she hasn't answered.

I didn't know she was working tomorrow and/or had time while she was there to go to the card shop. Thanks for the clarification. :-)

You've asked her why she needs you to get something and she hasn't answered. In that case I would leave it unless you hear back from her. I'm sure you would help her out if there was a genuine reason why she needed it. Otherwise, it's up to her to figure out.

Anonymous48 · 18/06/2021 18:32

@AnneLovesGilbert

My point is that we don't know what is behind the request so it's impossible to advise the OP on how best to handle it.

And yet many people have managed to make perfectly sensible suggestions. Which OP has found helpful. It’s not that complicated is it.

Yes, people have made suggestions. But they have had to make assumptions about the situation in order to do so.
Boo2012 · 18/06/2021 18:32

At 17 she is definitely old enough to do this by herself.

I have an 18 year old sister she is similar. To me she is old enough to go out and buy something herself for my mums birthday. She didn't and expected my dad to do so. He forgot so my mum had nothing on her birthday from her (I'm much older and don't live nearby so wasn't much help). Definitely old enough.

Original poster
Frankola · 18/06/2021 18:33

@supercalifragilistic I'm merely speaking in fact here.

Previously when we questioned why we were expected to give a dictated amount of pocket money to SD for chores she does not do whilst here, just because her mum does, we were told that mum would tell SD that my DH had not "paid for her" and she would be telling CMS he was missing payments. Then reducing overnights to ask CMS to contact him for more money to "cover that 40quid"

Does that sound rational or logical to you?
#FACTS Grin

OP posts:
nokidshere · 18/06/2021 18:42

I'd reply 'how come you can't get it?' And my reply would be based on her response.

If my boys said 'I've forgotten' or 'I've no money left' I'd probably help them out but if they said they couldn't be bothered I'd tell,them to stop being so lazy and get it sorted.

I did however, send them a text earlier in the week reminding them because I'm nice like that.

mumwon · 18/06/2021 18:42

to quote my dm (not suggesting you say THIS to sd though!) "you are old enough & ugly enough to do this yourself"
DM had a way with words - really tactful at all times Grin
Just tell sd you don't have time to get to shops

Original poster
Frankola · 18/06/2021 18:47

@nokidshere
I have previously discussed FD with my SD about 3 weeks ago as we were making plans for the seaside. Because I'M nice like that Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
Frankola · 18/06/2021 18:48

@mumwon ahhh yes we got that one in my house growing up too!

OP posts:
nokidshere · 18/06/2021 18:55

@Frankola exactly! Because away from MN that's what normal parents do.

I'm such a nice person that I even remind my fully grown up friends about things sometimes.

Original poster
Frankola · 18/06/2021 19:59

@nokidshere Smile I'm not THAT nice 😂😂

OP posts:
Wallywobbles · 18/06/2021 22:24

DSC sort it themselves. They know about online shopping. DSS is 12 and a tad flaky but making progress.

weegiemum · 18/06/2021 22:32

My 17 yo dd2 asked me last weekend if I knew anything her dad would like for Father's Day. I suggested a couple of things.

She bought a card and had them ready on Thursday evening as he's away working Friday-Monday.

19 yo ds has stuff ready for Monday evening, as he was working thursday.

Dd1 has COVID so we're giving her a break, just delivering shopping to her flat with social distancing!

Feedingthebirds1 · 18/06/2021 22:39

@Anonymous48 I didn't know she was working tomorrow and/or had time while she was there to go to the card shop. Thanks for the clarification. :-)

Then you didn't bother to read the thread (both of those things had already been said) before you piled in.

Willyoujustbequiet · 18/06/2021 23:35

Has he been an absent dad/not involved much?

If Dss cant be bothered herself, her mum has never enabled it or acknowledged mother's day presents from your DH it sounds like he isn't their favourite person..much of a backstory?