17 year old SD not bought anything for FD. Asking me 2 days before!

[Frankola]

My 17 year old SD has just text me to ask me to buy something for her to give her Dad on Fathers Day.

1 - she's 17
2 - she gets £40 a month pocket money from us and an undisclosed amount from her mother
3 - she has a job working 4 shifts a week at a fast food chain, equalling about 20 hours a week
4 - it's 2 days before Fathers Day!

AIBU to tell her to fuck off?!

I wouldn't tell.her to f off, but I would say, "sorry I'm busy. But you still have 2 days."

She needs to sort the card and gift herself. Don't enable her FFS 😉

I think I'm going to ask her what she wants to buy, tell her I will get it for her ans she can pay me back once she gets paid.

Plus tell her to put a reminder in her phone for next year!

@Hax

Well you obviously don't want to help her out. I would. MN at it's finest here. A 17 year old who is also a step child.

Then prepare to be seen as a cash cow.

OP - surely the hard part is coming up with the ideas and then Doing the purchasing. So if you supply the ideas and actually purchase the first, where’s the effort from SD?

Also, some people on this thread are a bit odd. I understood you weren’t literally going to use the words “fuck off”.

She is old enough to sort this and has access to card shops.
is it because she cant visit on Sunday or is worried about having time to post it?
There's always WhatsApp for messages or pictures and Amazon next day delivery.

I think I'm going to ask her what she wants to buy, tell her I will get it for her ans she can pay me back once she gets paid.

I think this is the best solution. You are helping her out, her dad isn't disappointed, and she doesn't feel upset at letting him down. Just make sure she pays you back.

@Frankola - I always got pocket money til I was 18 whether I had a job or not. Surely if pocket money was given on the basis of only if you don't have a job there wouldn't be as much encouragement to work! You say you only give her pocket money because her mum told you to but surely her DF would want to give her pocket money? My exDH gives our DC pocket money as do I - although we don't dictate the amount to each other!

I agree 17 is old enough to sort a present. My 14 yo has sorted a present for his DF. But for what ever reason she hasn't I'd just say no in a jokey way and ask if she needs suggestions. But inside I would be a bit annoyed!

Yes, that is a good solution.

@Hax

Well you obviously don't want to help her out. I would. MN at it's finest here. A 17 year old who is also a step child.

Oh for goodness sake, is there no end to the sanctimony? She’s 17 with access to her own money - she needs to take some responsibility.

@Frankola my 17 year old DS is a nightmare with all special days, he finds cards and gifts that he wants but has such poor time management skills that he always leaves it to the last minute. It costs him more for delivery etc but I'm hoping he will eventually learn.

Send her some ideas. Do not offer to get the item.

[quote Frankola]@snoozer11 I suppose I could send her some ideas and say "pick what you think, il buy it now and give me the money when you get paid"...

That's a good suggestion. Thank you [/quote]
No, just no.

It’s Saturday tomorrow and even if she’s working she can buy something in the centre where she works. She just CBA and she wants you to spend your money.

At 17 she is being ridiculous.

17 is old enough to sort a present, but it's also young enough to not necessarily have your shit together and need some guidance on the fact that she should use her money to buy one.

She just needs to be told to either go out and buy something today/tomorrow or pay you back for something you pick up on her behalf.

DH is scared of silly repercussions if he stops handing out pocket money is a clear indication that he/you believe the mother to be irrational in her approach to co-parenting. Which constitutes slagging off in my books.

If she's not working tomorrow, she has no excuses. I mean, she had none anyway but she'd have even less.

Ffs she's 17! Give her some ideas and tell her to get on with it!
She’s almost an adult, i can’t believe some of the shitty responses the op has been subjected too, and the ones pandering to the sd!
Give her ideas, help and let her get on with it!

• suppose I could send her some ideas and say "pick what you think, il buy it now and give me the money when you get paid"...

That's a good suggestion. Thank you*

Then she knows if she leaves it too the last minute and comes running too you you'll sort it out and do it for her

[quote Frankola]@notaroadrunner* *@chesirecat99
My OP doesn't ever expect me to buy things for DP on behalf of his DD. Especially not at 17.

He wouldn't be annoyed at me, or disappointed in me at all for not buying anything.

His almost grown up DD on the other hand, well I expect he'd be upset I he knew the situation she had put me in.[/quote]
My previous post was directed at @chesirecat99 who seems to think you should help your near adult SD, and who doesn't appear to have grasped the fact that your SD didn't merely ask for suggestions, but asked you to get the gift. I didn't imagine your dp would be annoyed by you not buying a gift from his dd

Of course you meant it tongue in cheek🙄

I think at 17 she can sort it out.

I would reply and say I’m sure your dad would appreciate x from you.

Honestly kids! She has some time to get him something or take him out for lunch. She is just hoping you will!

If she’s working tonight and tomorrow, and she’s normally good at sorting gifts I’d help her out.

Different if she never bothered her backside, but if she usually does then there’s probably a reason she hasn’t.

"Pop into the card shop on our break and you'll be fine"

She's being lazy and cheap, trying to get you to sort it. Anything you got on her behalf would be meaningless to her DF because she's done nothing for him at all.

I love my teens but they are slack disorganised souls sometimes.